Thin Enough to go to the Gym?

What's been happening for the past two years

2011-10-02T18:32:00.002+11:00

Well hello stranger ...

It has been two years since I posted anything fresh on this blog. When I moved over to head ♥ heart ♥ health many of you came with me but some of you stayed behind. I am sad to have lost touch with you.

I thought I would pop back here to day to give you an update on what has happened in the past two years and what is happening in the future.

I won my battle with disordered eating and through the journey to self-love and authenticity I discovered that the person I was married to was wrong for me. I wanted all the passion, excitement and connection of real love. I had an affair, I left my husband and started internet dating. I found an amazing guy but just ten days after we met my husband committed suicide.

It hasn't been easy to reconcile all of this stuff, but I have come out the other side of all this stronger and better. I have learned many lessons along the way.

My expertise is in helping women in their thirties and forties who have made the decision to honour their bodies by not dieting any more and have discovered that their relationships aren't serving them. I know all about the feelings of loss and guilt that flood in when we have to let these relationships go. I also know how important it is to seek a connection with someone that is inspirational and nurturing. I'm talking about how to find real love for the first time.

So if you are at all interested in increasing your self love, living authentically, dealing with loss and change in your life and finding real love then I would love to have you as part of my community. We are just getting started so your input will be highly valuable. My first project is a free information product that will help you solve some of the problems that keep you awake at night.

I want you connect with you again and have you as a head ♥ heart ♥ health insider. All I am asking you to do right now is to give me your email address. I can then start interacting with you in a way that is meaningful and helpful.

Let's pick up where we left off two years ago. I've missed you. Let's catch up soon.

Love
Katie

PS: leave me a comment if you want to tell me what you've been up to lately.

The Facts of Life

2010-01-05T05:25:00.002+11:00

At least two people in this world love you so much they would die for you.

♥

At least fifteen people in this world love you in some way.

♥

The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.

♥

A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don’t like you.

♥

Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.

♥

You mean the world to someone.

Unrestrained Joy

2009-12-30T19:27:00.000+11:00

This is a guest post from Kate A originally posted on the Open Forum. With her permission I have posted it here so we can all share her beautiful writing and honest reflection.

If you leave enough comments we might persuade her to start her own blog? If you would like to guest post on my blog, please see the guidelines here.

♥♥♥

I was laying in bed this morning and my son saw the box of mixed choccies that I was given for Christmas. He brought them over and we lay together and ate some. I didn’t think about it. I enjoyed sampling some with him.

Then…yes, then…the voice began: “Um, that is off plan. You need to do a run and all this extra lard is stopping you from trying harder.” Can you guess what happened next? Uh huh, I stopped and felt awful. Those beautiful 10 mins were wiped away in seconds.

The Creature and the Computer

2009-12-30T06:10:00.000+11:00

From: The 4 Day Win by Martha Beck

Stage 1 ~ Pre-Contemplation ~ The Creature and the Computer

Most diet experts tell us to think of the body as a computer programmed to take instructions from the mind. Only the mind acts like a machine, your body is not a computer, it is a creature.

Your body speaks creature and your mind speaks computer. The Body Whispering exercise forces your computer self to find the creature words for “I come in peace”. The medium for this communication is not thinking, but feeling.

Allowed to function as nature intended, your creature-self will stop eating when two conditions are met (1) it senses that you aren’t hungry any more (not that you’re full, but that you’re NOT hungry) and (2) it’s confident there will be no food shortage in the foreseeable future.

Deprived of Connection and Belonging

2009-12-29T19:30:00.000+11:00

Sometimes you stumble upon the thread at the end of the scarf that once pulled, unravels the whole garment.

This describes me exactly ~

Most of us former dieters are afraid of being deprived. We believe that trying to lose weight means that we will be deprived of joy, connection, foods we love, or a sense of belonging.

Many diets that restrict us from eating in a normal way exacerbate these feelings. We have to prepare or order tasteless food. We can’t join in with cocktails or dessert and we can’t relax because we have to stay in control to prevent a slip in our diet.

Unfortunately, to many of us, this is a familiar feeling. We may have grown up feeling disconnected from people around us in our families or in our schools. We use diets to repeat this pattern; isolation ensues. We believe deprivation feels awful. Deprivation from food is one thing, but deprivation from love and connection is worse.

Body Whispering

2009-12-29T06:05:00.000+11:00

From: The 4-Day Win by Martha Beck

Stage 1 ~ Pre-Contemplation ~ Body Whispering

If you have ever seen a horse or dog being trained through brute force and punishment you will observe the creature become panicked and frightened. Panicked and frightened animals often lash out and attack those trying to control them. And it gets worse the more you try to “pull them into line”.

Animals rely on their instincts to stay alive. If they are treated like prey, then their instincts is to run first, and then to fight if they are cornered.

The only way to successfully rehabilitate an abused animal is through trust and kindness in a safe environment. Horse whisperers and dog whisperers use these techniques to calm even the most violent and disturbed animals.

Famine Brain ~ The Fattening Way to Lose Weight

2009-12-28T06:06:00.000+11:00

From: The 4 Day Win by Martha Beck

Stage 1 ~ Pre-Contemplation ~ Famine Brain

Fact: Your brain is an astonishing complex and powerful instrument specifically evolved to keep you from losing weight.

Fact: Because it is an evolutionary imperative, eating is highly rewarding physically and psychologically. Not eating food makes us hungry, but it also makes us afraid.

Fact: Dietary restriction and strenuous exercise cause the brain to fixate on finding food and comfort, while pumping out hormones that signal the body to lay in supplies by becoming more sedentary and storing fat.

Fact: Famine responses are far stronger than conscious intention. They are will outwit, outplay and outlast your attempts to diet by will power.

Fact: Eating less and being hungry will escalate your stress responses until they make you want to everything in sight and they will also cause your personality to change (not for the better!)

Fact: Read about the Ancel Keys Minnesota Starvation Experiment 1950

Eat Less, Move More ~ Just Do It!

2009-12-27T17:50:00.000+11:00

Introduction to The 4-Day Win by Martha Beck

We share a cultural belief that a combination of information and willpower should be enough to ensure compliance with any weight loss program. Eat less, move more, just do it! If this worked, we would all be thin already. Martha tell us that there is something amiss in our diet strategy.

The problem isn’t that we don’t know what to do, the problem is that we don’t do what we know. Why not? Contrary to conventional wisdom, the most compelling answer is not in our refrigerators, our restaurants, our mouths, our stomachs, our weak wills, or our basically vile and godless natures. It’s in our heads.

To the 130 People Reading This in Google Reader

2009-10-30T23:51:00.003+11:00

This Blog has moved to Head♥Heart♥Health

There are 130 people who read this blog in Google Reader who have been missing out on my wonderful insights (ha!) into the joys of smashing out of the diet/binge cycle. I know this because Google Reader tells me I only have 28 subscriptions to my Wordpress Blog.

Click this button and the magic interweb fairies will add my new blog to Google automatically.

Please come with me to my new home ... I miss you.

This is the FINAL POST

2009-10-21T12:18:00.000+11:00

The time has come the walrus said to speak of other things to make a significant change. I have been thinking about this for awhile. I am leaving my past behind and embracing a new, exciting future as a healthy living blogger.

This blog is going into retirement as a memento of my old fucked up life learning experience.

I can now be found blogging at

Head ♥ Heart ♥ Health over at Wordpress.

Head over there to check out the easiest way to free yourself from the diet mentality by learning how to listen to your inner wisdom.

I do hope that you follow me down this fresh new path. If not, I wish you peace, joy and happiness in all that you do.

Thanks for the ride -- see you later ♥

Fat Talk Free Week

2009-10-20T07:48:00.004+11:00

♥ BODY IMAGE

Every day millions of women lose time, money, energy, creativity, self-esteem and emotional connectedness to their loved ones. Why?

They lose these to an endless pursuit of an unattainable, unrealistic standard of female beauty — the thin ideal. Fashion is about fantasy, but somewhere along the way we forgot that. Instead, we began to think that every girl and every woman in our world was supposed to achieve this unreasonable and unhealthy ideal. As a result we all lose. We all lose when 50% of our population is distracted from more meaningful and fulfilling pursuits that make life full and worth living. And when 50% of our population is raised to hate their bodies, we all lose because research shows that body dissatisfaction is associated with poor health behaviors.

Pursuit of the healthy ideal — which looks different for different women — requires us to take care of our bodies. The healthy ideal happens when we simultaneously maximize our physical health, mental health and quality of life. For better or worse, however, our bodies are no different than any other object or living being in our care. Hate them and we are likely to abuse them. Love them and we will finally begin down the road to health. So give up Fat Talk, which reinforces the thin ideal, and join us in the pursuit of the healthy ideal.

Birthday Booty

2009-10-18T10:57:00.002+11:00

I have had the best birthday ever! Shelley flew in for a surprise visit from Brisbane on Friday afternoon and is staying for the weekend. I didn't know she was coming. I got some beautiful presents from her and she brought something from Liz as well.

Mr Katie made me a beautiful fountain for my mediation/yoga space. I now listen to the sound of running water.

Kitty made me a heart with wings (the card says "Happy Birftda Mum! I made this)

I loved it so much I got it tattooed on my wrist.

Thank you so much for all the kind birthday wishes. I've been very spoilt ♥

All You Need Is Forgiveness, Love and Gratitude

2009-10-16T01:00:00.001+11:00

emBODY Your Dreams

2009-10-15T05:54:00.000+11:00

The lovely Emma has just launched her Personal Training business. If you are looking for some encouragement and inspiration, check out her services at emBODYPT. She has a Facebook Group as well.

Love you Em ... you have made an amazing transformation and deserve every success.

The Walk

2009-10-13T21:23:00.000+11:00

There were lots of people running, walking, doing sit ups in the park. As each person passed by I noticed their sweaty brow, their frowns of concentration and pain, and their glazed eyes as they stared past me.

As I walked along the weathered broadwalk and noticed the first rays of sunlight glistening off the harbour there was only one other person who made eye contact with me. She was young, blonde and beautiful, her face alight with her stunning smile. I smiled back and then glanced down at her naked feet.

Like two naughty school girls wagging Phys Ed class we had both independently kicked off our shoes and declared that walking barefoot was the ultimate way to start the day.

Do You Want It Bad Enough?

2009-10-12T13:51:00.000+11:00

Is there any area in your life where you have great success without really having to work that hard at it? Is there something you are just naturally good at?

For me, I've always had financial security and a wonderful marriage. I was asking myself today why both of these areas have seemed to just 'drop into my lap' without any struggle.

The thing that springs to mind is that I am not attached to either material possessions or a 'happily ever after' romance. I don't NEED money to be happy and I don't NEED a relationship to be happy either. And because of that lack of attachment, both those things are bountiful in my life. I am extremely grateful and appreciate what I have (another clue?) and I enjoy every day that I have more money than I need and I am truly loved. Yet I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that if either or both disappeared tomorrow I would be sad for the loss but not in any way completely crushed. My identity does not lie in material wealth or being with another person.

It's that old story about when you go for an interview for a job you don't want that much, or stop looking for a relationship that you get those things. It seems that our ability to let go of the desire ensures we end up getting those things despite our neutral feelings.

Do you really NEED to have a body that is in it's top physical condition? Must you always eat on plan and on schedule to feel in control? Are you consumed by the latest diet and training program? How bad do you want it?

Maybe the intensity of your desire is what prevents you from getting what you want? Maybe wanting it bad means you're never going to get it, or if you do, you will be consumed by the fear of losing it.

Let it go ... life is about happiness, honesty, growth and experience and the money, relationship and banging body will be the icing on the cake.

Do I want it bad enough? Nah, but it will probably turn up sooner or later without me having to struggle for it.

(Note: being financially secure, in a good relationship and having a lean, fit, healthy body all still require EFFORT (going to work, loving my partner, eating healthy food, training) and the effort is what brings happiness - not the expectancy of reward some time in the future.)

Why Failure is Better than Success

2009-10-10T05:01:00.000+11:00

As an "A" type personality and complete over achiever I never realised that value of failure.

According to my previous beliefs, gaining weight is one of the worst things that could ever happen to me [even typing that sentence makes me realise how ridiculous that thought is - is is hardly worth worrying about compared to death, disease, divorce, and abuse]. Even so, by my glorious and virtuous (*sarcasm*) standards, failing at losing weight was to be avoided at all costs.

But the things I have learned over the past two days have made me realise that without that failure, without that weight gain, I wouldn't have made the progress that I have.

I have discovered that doing the 'wrong' thing or getting the 'wrong' results is a great thing. It challenges your view of the world and is a catalyst for growth and self awareness.

Here is a simple practical example to illustrate my point. I have finally given myself permission to eat 'bad' food, the stuff that wouldn't be considered as taking great care of myself.

To my surprise, after dining on real pancakes made with flour and the best fish and chips in Sydney, I learned that I didn't even like either of them any more. If I hadn't 'failed' I would have gone on using my willpower and discipline to resist them. Now no effort whatsoever is required to pass on the fish and chips because they don't taste that good.

I have the freedom to break all the rules because there is a truth to be discovered. Instead of seeing failure in the face of not meeting my high expectations, I see that I have courage I didn't even know I had.

What could I discover about my life if I didn't eat enough protein, if I didn't let my boss tell me what to say in meetings, and if I didn't try to make the pain go away?

Spectacular failure is priceless feedback if I take notice of the results and learn the lessons.

The Freaky Shit

2009-10-09T22:06:00.000+11:00

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you my 1,000th post.

On this momentous occasion, I will dig deep into my authenticity and reveal some of the freaky shit that has been going on since I undertook this new adventure of aligning my head, heart, and health.

♫ I have been unable to go to the gym and lift heavy weights. I have tried a few time to ensure that it wasn't just laziness or burn out, but I feel genuinely uncomfortable on weights floor and out of place in the cardio room. The only thing that feels OK is RPM class. I am aware of an atmosphere of competition and judgment that feels draining. In the dark RPM class, there is a feeling of camaraderie as we work as a virtual team and challenge ourselves.

♫ I now practice yoga every morning. As the sky lightens above the trees I practice sun salutations. It is as essential to my day. I also take 2-3 classes a week and I am aware of an atmosphere of sharing, support and complimentary energy.

♫ I drop into a meditative state more easily as each day passes and keep going deeper. If I was to describe it I would liken it to the state between waking and sleeping. It has seemed like I have been meditating for hours when only 5 minutes have passed.

♫ My natural preferences are for fruit and vegetables above anything else. Now there are no bad foods, I keep trying my old favourites only to discover that they either taste ordinary or sit oddly in my stomach. The thought of meat is less and less appealing.

♫ The most challenging yoga poses are the 'heart opening' ones. My chest muscles are strong but also constricted. My back and shoulders are broad and open. When I try to contract my back half and open the front half of my torso I have difficulty. It is interesting that my heart is where I have been closed down.

♫ Strangers speak to me and smile, colleagues confide in me, kitty won't leave me alone -- my openness invites others in instead of shutting them out.

♫ My life is slower.

♫ I say grace.

♫ My giant tea cup at work has a post it note with the words love and gratitude stuck to it.

♫ I have unsubscribed to about 75% of the blogs in my reader and most of my email newsletters. There is a whole world of people whose blogs provide nurture, comfort and guidance and I am reading those now and filing them under 'holistic health'.

♫ My instinct is to do random acts of kindness when I feel at my lowest. By doing something for someone else I forget about myself.

♫ I'm in between goodbye and hello. I'm saying "yes" to life. I'm taking better care of myself. I'm taking my first faltering steps on this quest for inner peace.

♫ My body and I talk to each other

Hello body. Create for me a safe home, a home that is an oasis, that is calm, that is flowing with life energy, and that is reflective of my beauty. Allow me to breathe my peaceful spirit deep into every fiber, every cell, and every strand of DNA. Release from your tissues all that is not me, all that is not love. Release the aches and pains and frozen areas that keep me – my spirit – and life energy from flowing freely within you. I give you complete permission to do what you do best, which is of course to be a self-healing body always in a state of perpetual rejuvenation.

Happy 1,000th post ~ here's to 1,000 more ~ I am so excited to dream of what my life might look like then...

Love the Seaweed

2009-10-08T19:06:00.000+11:00

You were right my friends ~ this morning I got all brave and stood on the scales and was greeted with a +2kg gain (in a single week where I didn't feel like I did anything wrong). Every single ounce of confidence and certainty that I was doing great evaporated like a puff of smoke. I sent a desperate email to Dr R. without much hope of an answer as we were scheduled for a group conference call in 10 minutes time.

When I got on the line (after the call kicked me off the first time I tried which made me even more anxious) the first question she asked was "what is the gift of your weight loss struggle?" I had nothing. After she asked someone else I proceeded to sob and sobbed through the entire 1 hour call.

The topic of the call was eating with intent. She referenced the Dr Emoto water experiments Shelley blogged about earlier in the week. Dr R. proposed that we should take the same approach to our food and improve the structure of our food based on our intent. She asked that we imbue whatever we eat with love and reverence and welcome it into our bodies so it could use what we needed and release the rest effortlessly and easily.

I realised that I haven't really been at peace with food, I have been mostly ignoring it. I have continued to see food as the enemy and kept strict controls on what is acceptable and what is not. I have also been experiencing stomach cramps after eating which had further reinforced the notion that I had screwed myself up so much I couldn't even digest properly any more.

At the end of the call Dr R. asked what was going on because she had read my email during the call (how's that for multi tasking) and I couldn't even speak. I choked out something about being a failure at this as well as every other diet I've been on. Amongst other things she suggested that my body might be asking for too much food because it was unable to access the nutrients because of my stress around eating. She also said that my body might need more fat than I wanted right now but it wasn't necessarily for ever.

After the call I did some meditation for 15 mins and then a heart opening yoga sequence. I let all my thoughts go and cried some more. I got this image in my head of a bit of seaweed all dried, curled up and tangled on the rocks. Then I saw the waves splash over it making it soft and pliable until all the strands untangled through the motion of the water. The seaweed didn't try to untangle itself, it just let the water do the work. My tears were making my crazy thoughts and confused feelings soft and pliable and gently untangling them. I then emailed Dr R and got back a beautiful email which read :

Love blubbery.
Love the seaweed metaphor.
Love the courage.

Love you.

The thing is that just when you think you've got things sorted you get bitch slapped up side the head. It is like now you've mastered one bit, it's time to get on with the next bit that needs healing.

So what is the gift from today's struggle
~ I opened up emotionally in a public forum - in the past I wouldn't have even dialled in for the call, and if I had I would have pretended nothing was wrong
~ I didn't binge or restrict - my coping mechanism was yoga and reaching out for help
~ I felt a sense of relief and cleansing after my crying - I figure that I was probably holding in 2kg worth of tears LOL
~ I got over myself within a few hours rather than days
~ I identified an issue that I didn't know how to resolve (self esteem gained through accomplishment) and simply let it go - I have carried it around too long and I'm finally so sick of it I'm ditching it permanently.

So my weight went up on the scales, I added my interpretation of what that fact meant, and then I reacted emotionally to that story. All created by me. So I am choosing to to change the story and the reaction.

My new intention is to eat with love, gratitude and reverence by making each meal a ritual (candle, blessing, seated at the table), to leave food on my plate and to go back to journaling my hunger which I started yesterday on Twitter (you can follow me here or look in the sidebar). It will help me be present with my food.

This is a rough ride, but I refuse to give up.

Crashed and Burned

2009-10-08T10:26:00.000+11:00

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

What is the one thing that is guaranteed to bring my world crashing down in an instant?

Come on, if you know me (or have been hanging out here for awhile) ... have a guess.

I'll be back later to document the complete blubbery experience that took place from 5am to 10am this morning.

But only if someone guesses correctly...

How To Be Healthy Without Being Control-Freaky

2009-10-08T04:32:00.000+11:00

Yesterday Diana asked this interesting question which gave me pause ...

But would you say it is possible to get to all these benefits WITHOUT going through all the control-freaky, tough parts first?

The reason that things have changed so dramatically is because my only intention every moment is to take great care of myself body, mind and spirit. When I was just focused on how I looked and a number on the scale, I was living solely in my mind (rules, plans, maths, goals, to-do lists, success/failure judgement, guilt, no pain no gain, etc.) My new approach is based on a balance between head, heart and health.

Head [mind]
I am motivated to eat well, exercise, get enough sleep, meditate and relax because my belief system is now based on holistic health. I use my brain to assess data, apply knowledge and analyse feedback. It doesn't make strict rules but gentle negotiable guidelines. If I stop consulting my mind I live in anarchy without a system and without boundaries.

Heart [spirit]
I listen to my heart which lets me know when I'm on the right track. By having an open heart I am responsive to connecting with other people and nature and my focus is outward rather than inward. My feelings and emotions are chosen and not dictated by what I do or think. I concentrate on who I am, my values and simply being me - warts and all. There is no self judgement and no sense of being a victim. If I reject my uniqueness then I deny my divinity. I deeply and completely love and accept myself. If I stop consulting my spirit I live in selfishness, emotional chaos and self hate.

Health [body]
I prefer clean, healthy food. I prefer vegetables and fruit over cakes and biscuits. I am in tune with my body and know what is hunger, what is a legitimate craving (I'm deficient) and what is an emotional craving. I know how particular foods make me feel over the hours they are digesting in my system. I know my protein, carbs and fat and I know when more of one or the other is needed. I prefer to exercise my body so that I am fit and strong because I have more energy when I do. It is not a chore, it is a daily indulgence. If I stop consulting my body I eat crappy food, don't get enough sleep, over or under exercise and feel uncomfortable in my skin.

So it's all about balance ~ searching for and finding that place where all three areas have equal input. The traditional weight loss approach would seem to focus on the head only. It seems to me that the eat less/move more prescription rarely works in isolation and results in (a) giving up because it's all too hard or (b) getting all control-freaky.

What Has Changed in Three Short Weeks?

2009-10-07T08:00:00.000+11:00

The program I am on [Naturally Slender Living] is half way through and our homework is to document the changes that have occurred over the past weeks. As I was a late starter my changes have only occurred over the past 3 weeks. I thought I would post them here as well as on the forum.

Here's what's GONE

weighing all food (including egg whites, lettuce and diet cordial) and adjusting portions to be exactly the right amount (that extra gram of pumpkin had to go back in the container)
having food scales at home and in my handbag in case I eat out and don't know the weight of the food
recording everything in a online calorie counter including the calories in diet soda and fish oil tablets
feeling anxious and upset if I didn't have internet access to check my calorie totals
pre-determining what to eat for the day and then printing it out and ticking it off so there was no deviation
taking all my food with me all the time in multiple tupperware containers
not allowing anyone a taste of my food because it is measured perfectly and I needed every bit of it
scraping every last morsel out of the container or licking it clean
restricting fruit and vegetables based on their carbohydrate content
restricting food based on its sodium content
scheduling activities around eating sessions - couldn't go to an event if it prevented me from eating on time
eating was the main highlight of my day
never eating the same food as my partner/friends
the success of my day was measured by the food I ate - good day = ate according to the diet; bad day = ate something I hadn't planned
food/cooking/meals was all I thought about and talked about
never being full - either eating and still being hungry or bingeing beyond the point of fullness
taking large amounts of expensive supplements ranging from vitamins to fatburners to creatine
eating large quantities of 'calorie free' food like green vegetables, miracle noodles, psyllium/bran
exercising until a precise number of calories had been burned
exercising when I was sick, sore or instead of sleeping
wearing my heart rate monitor when I went for a walk longer than 10 minutes
constant physical muscle pain (DOMS) and joint pain making every day activity difficult
spending all weekend in my gym clothes and sneakers because I never went out anywhere other than the gym and the supermarket
chronic constipation and gas
avoiding social situations where food was present
constantly scouring the internet for the latest diet and latest training method
calling myself a 'fat pig' in my head
weighing myself multiple times a day - when I first got up, after going to the bathroom, when I got home from work, before I went to bed
throwing food in the bin so that I wouldn't eat it and then taking it out later
asking my husband to hide food so I couldn't find it
eating until I was so stuffed I couldn't sleep, I had night sweats and my face, fingers and ankles became severely swollen
always vowing to start afresh each morning, each Monday, each first day of the month
going to bed early because the only thing I had to look forward to was a lower number on the scales the following morning and breakfast
crying because of a number on the scale or not being able to fit into my clothes
avoiding being with my husband because he would want to eat food I couldn't have in front of me
not being able to leave the house because I needed to be near the toilet when the laxatives and diuretics kicked in
using colonics as a weight loss strategy
looking at pictures of steriod using figure girls on stage and feeling inadequate for not looking like them

Here is what's ARRIVED

eating three main meals a day at roughly the same times, with an afternoon snack and occasional dessert
eating food that tastes good while I eat it and continues to make me feel good over time without worrying too much about calories, carbs, fat or protein content
eating only when I am hungry
seeing food primarily as a source of energy and health
eating appropriate portions of food that keep me satisfied until the next meal
varying my intake to my level of activity
self correcting when I overindulge by either waiting until I'm truly hungry again or making lighter choices at the next meal
eating whatever I feel like at restaurants, social occasions and celebrations while considering how my choices will make me feel at the end of that day
using mistakes as an opportunity to learn by thinking through how I will do things differently next time
recognising and understanding the feedback my body gives me both before and after eating
calm and relaxed around food knowing that cake eaten with love beats carrots eaten with stress
taking great care of myself
exercising only to enjoy the vitality and energy it gives me
enjoying a fully functioning digestive system that makes the optimal use of my food and eliminates the toxins
taking time for personal hygiene/grooming every day
recording my behaviours, thoughts and circumstances so I can repeat my successes and overcome my triggers
accepting that I am beautiful, talented, giving and loved because of who I am not how I look
thankful that I have a strong, functioning body that enables me to interact with the world
measuring my progress by how I feel rather than a number on a machine
wearing clothes that fit perfectly, suit my shape, express my personality and make me feel great
trusting my instincts and my self awareness to tell me what food and exercise will nurture inner peace and joy
spending more time with my husband and friends without worrying about what they are eating
living an authentic life
transforming and evolving to become my best self because this is my destiny
attracting positive thoughts, happiness and limitless opportunites for growth and development into my life
practicing new ways to re-new my mind, body and spirit
aligning my thoughts, habits, beliefs, values, and intentions to achieve wholeness
making continuous improvements
re-connecting to my divine nature
grateful for the journey so far
going to bed at night contented and happy and waking each morning excited by the adventure of simply living

Pretty fucking good huh?

Chasing the Dream

2009-10-05T18:35:00.002+11:00

Even though I don't actually care what other people think, when they say things that I still believe to be true, in my heart of hearts, it pushes my buttons.

If people had been saying that I torture kittens or drink my own piss I wouldn't have cared because I know it isn't true. But when people said that not having a diet plan and weighing myself meant I wasn't holding myself accountable, and that I had failed to reach my own goals I got upset. Mostly because I still believed that was true. So much so that I even logged back into Cruelty King and listed my breakfast yesterday morning.

The best part is that when things go bad and my old habits resurface I know that there is something that still needs healing. What is the belief, what have I agreed to that makes me react in this way?

Have I given up because it's too hard and I'm not tough enough?
Have I stopped being accountable?
Am I a failure because I don't weigh 55kg?

Here is the truth.

I have not given up anything only allowing myself love and acceptance when I reach a certain number on the scales. It is infinitely tougher to face the fact that I only feel happy when I am 'good', when I am trying to become like someone else. I am awakening to the realisation that my value lies inside me rather than in my conformity to the cultural myth of physical beauty.

I am more accountable than I ever was. Instead of following a plan written by another person, I am listening to the wisdom of my body. I can't make excuses like 'carb loading' and 'cheat meals' when I overeat processed food that makes me feel like shit. I don't know what my body really wants because I have been ignoring it for so long, so each meal is an opportunity to discover what works for me. I can't just eat the same thing day in and day out. I have to decide what and how much to eat and then notice how it makes me feel over time. It is constant attention, not stuffing McDonalds in my face while I sit on the couch.

Have I failed to meet my goal of weighing 55kg? Well, I have actually got there twice now, but it only made me continuously hungry and completely exhausted. I didn't feel healthy -- I was constipated, without a period, and in physical pain from my bones sticking out. I learned that looking like someone else didn't make me beautiful, peaceful or contented.

Am I envious of those who eat and train in the manner that allows them to compete? If envy means would I swap places then no. Do I feel admiration and respect? Of course I do because I know how much commitment that particular journey requires. I also know that for me the feeling of accomplishment didn't outweigh the pain.

It takes an equal amount of commitment and discipline to give all that away and focus on being healthy, happy and balanced. There is no 'off season' when it comes to facing the way I think, my beliefs and my identity. There is pain involved, but the feeling of progress, of continuous improvement and the sense that my hard work is transforming my reality is the most satisfying thing I have ever experienced. It makes going on a diet and chasing a scale number as significant as the colour I choose to paint my toenails.

How will I be remembered?
(a) Katie was always working hard at being in great shape. She worked her arse off in the gym, watched what she ate and looked amazing. She certainly knew how to get what she wanted.
(b) Katie always seemed to be happy. She had this beauty that glowed from the inside. Whenever you were with her, read what she wrote or looked at her photos you were given a glimpse of pure joy. She seemed different to other people because she saw life as wonderful, exciting and magical.

I now know for certain that my purpose lies beyond being working the hardest and looking the best. My purpose is to be different, not because I'm fitter, stronger and leaner than everyone else, but because my unique view of the world gives others a glimpse of the joy of simply being.

Why chase a dream, a goal, an outcome when this moment is as good as it could ever get? We already have all that it takes to have all that we want.

Wordless Sunday

2009-10-04T18:29:00.000+11:00

Photos I took this afternoon on my walk. I am so blessed to live in such a beautiful place.

Beauty is Not How Skinny You Can Be

2009-10-04T11:07:00.001+11:00

from We Are the Real Deal

Why Goal Setting is Harmful Part II

2009-10-03T11:05:00.002+10:00

My post on the dangers of goal setting has struck a few nerves. If you interested in a blogtroversy (blogs+controversy - I'm clever at words you know LOL) then read this post and comments from Sue from Ideal Bodies Online, and this post and comments from Liz from The Fitness Solution.

I have been thinking about why the notion of goal setting doesn't work for me and I think there is more to consider.

The most important thing in my life is my husband Mr Katie. I would kill for him and die for him. He is my rock, my soul mate and the greatest source of happiness in my life. We have a wonderful relationship.

If I believed that the goal setting was the way to make significant and lasting improvements I would spend every Sunday afternoon planning how I am going to achieve/maintain a wonderful relationship with Mr Katie during the next 7 day.

1. Specific Goal = Mr Katie and I will have a wonderful loving relationship
2. Measureable = I will know we have a wonderful relationship because Mr Katie will give me 5 compliments, kiss me 14 times, do the washing up on Friday and shag me silly on Tuesday.
3. Actionable = I will be especially nice to him this week, I will make an effort to look beautiful, I will cook him dinner on Tuesday night (ergo he will want to shag me).
4. Realistic = He's never done the washing up on Friday before but I am making this a stretch/challenge goal
5. Timely = To be completed by the end of this week.

On Monday Mr Katie is particularly stressed at work and comes home in a foul mood and doesn't want to talk let alone kiss me or compliment me. I am nice to him but he is so wrapped up in his own problems he doesn't hear me.

On Tuesday I get sick. I have the flu and I stay home from work. My eyes are red, my nose is running and I spend the day in my stained and torn most comfortable track suit pants. I don't cook dinner because I can barely stand up and shagging is out of the question.

On Wednesday and Thursday I stay late at work to catch up on the work that I missed by being sick and Mr Katie's roster means he is in bed by the time I get home. We text each other during the day but we don't get to speak more than a few words.

On Friday night we are both exhausted from a huge week. We decide to go out to dinner on the spur of the moment and while Mr Katie is finishing off some things so he can go out with me, I do the washing up like I usually do.

On Saturday we get to hang out together. During the day have a heated debate about spirituality (he's an atheist and I believe in a higher power), and spend most of our time in different rooms at opposite ends of the house. Occasionally we pass each other in the hallway or the kitchen and share some interesting thought that has just occurred to us.

On Sunday I sit down to check on my goals for the past week. I have missed every single one -- only 2 compliments, 7 kisses, he didn't do the washing up and we didn't shag. I wasn't always nice, I looked pretty ordinary when I was sick and I didn't cook him a meal.

My relationship is not as wonderful as I thought it was.

I know this is a bit silly but my story illustrates what happens when I apply the business model of performance goal setting to my relationship with my body. Let me say that again in case you missed it. I have a relationship with my body in the same way I have a relationship with my husband.

Goal setting is an artificial constraint that can distort my perception of reality. It would be completely logical to conclude that I had failed to improve my relationship with my husband for that week if I relied on the criteria I had set out in my plan. But you and I know that there is nothing wrong with my marriage.

When I am in a relationship I take the good with the bad. I love my husband unconditionally and I understand that his behaviour and his opinions doesn't alter the fact that he loves me. I know that I don't need to be beautiful or nice or the perfect wife to deserve his love. Neither of us has to change we just have to grow and learn together and be committed to never giving up.

So enough with the goals that prescribe how what I am going to 'do' this week/month/12 weeks to have my 'best body ever'. I am simply committed to being in a relationship with my body by growing, learning and never giving up.

What is Real?

2009-10-03T01:00:00.002+10:00

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

The Velveteen Rabbit, by Margery Williams

10 Reasons Why Goal Setting is Harmful

2009-10-02T04:02:00.022+10:00

Just say NO to this crap!

For decades goal setting has been promoted as the best way to amp up motivation and increase performance. It is as prevalent in the 'health and fitness' industry as it is in the corporate world. Advocates state that you won't achieve any success unless you have S.M.A.R.T (specific, measurable, a? can't remember actionable, realistic, timely) goals.

I disagree. The practice of performance based goal setting is harmful and dangerous and actually makes the process of growing, learning and evolving more difficult. Let's take weight loss (I want to weigh 55kg) as an example.

1. Goals can focus attention so narrowly that people overlook other important features of a task
Seeing 55kg on the scale is my only focus. I don't notice what effect it has on my health, sleep patterns, sex drive and energy levels.

2. Goals focus on short-term targets at the expense of long-term growth
Seeing 55kg on the scale will be possible by x date if I lose 1 kg a week. I can't see that in the process of reaching that goal I am developing long term habits of exercise bulimia and starve/binge eating patterns.

3. Goals are ceilings rather than floors
Once my goal of 55kg is achieved I can relax, rest and pause. The extreme disciplined behaviour I employed to reach that weight is now too difficult to maintain after meeting my target.

4. Goals motivate risk taking
Reaching 55kg may involve the use of fat burners, colonics, laxatives, and water/salt manipulation.

5. Goals lure people into unethical behavior
I might declare that I've reached my goal by either cheating (hello steriods) or misrepresenting my actual performance level (it wasn't quite 55kg but I had a PMT/salty meal/carbs/DOMs which is only water and doesn't count)

6. Goals inhibit learning
I will stick to the method of weight loss that has worked in the past. I am not likely to explore alternative methods of weight loss which may suit me better when I am pushing to reach my goal by a certain date.

7. Goals increase competition and feelings of failure
I have reached my goal of 55kg but there are people who have lost weight quicker than I have, more than I have and look better than me. OR
I haven't reached my goal by my target date so I must be useless, worthless, lacking discipline and lazy (let's eat to numb the pain!).

8. Goals push the stakes higher and higher
I have reached my goal of 55kg and now I need a new goal. It has to 'stretch' me so my next goal will be to lose another 5 kg by the time I run that marathon.

9. Goals decrease intrinsic motivation
A goal is extrinsic (from without) and while I am focused on achieving my specific outcome I am not motivated by the intrinsic (from within) value of the process itself. I can't stay motivated unless I have the carrot dangling from the stick in front of me.

10. Goals justify excuses for failure in other areas of your life
I can't visit family, I can't go to the school fete with the kids, I can't function properly at work because I am on a diet right now.

So piss off the dangerous habit of goal setting by recognising that it is limiting you achieving your full potential. Striving to achieve a performance target is a fatally flawed method of motivation that causes more harm than good.

So, what would I like instead?

I set my intention to live each day with an open heart, focussed on gratitude, growth, learning and my personal evolution. There is no measurement of quantity/quality, there is no success or failure, and there is no finish line. I am simply aware of my thoughts and actions, evaluating how my choices and decisions impact on my head, heart and health.

A life filled with happiness, peace and joy is not reliant on being 'good enough', 'better/best' or 'taking action'.

Happiness is deeply and completely loving and accepting my uniqueness, individuality and my flawed vulnerability. I can simply 'be'.

Adapted from: Goals Gone Wild - the Systematic Side Effects of Over-Prescribing Goal Setting

Operation Beautiful

2009-10-01T20:00:00.001+10:00

I don't know if you have heard of Operation Beautiful but the ladies at the Wh1te Sail5 A5ylum got some lovin' yesterday and it's still there today. All you need is a post it note and a bathroom mirror to make someone's day. Further stealth missions to both staff and patron bathrooms will be undertaken. Won't you join me in your corner of the world?

What is Your Likelihood of Weight Loss Success ~ Take this Quiz

2009-10-01T04:30:00.005+10:00

Q: When someone offers you a piece of delicious caramel cheesecake with a serve of creamy ice-cream and dusted with chocolate shavings you say (truthfully) ...

(a) I can't eat it

(b) I shouldn't eat it

(c) I won't eat it

(d) I don't feel like it

RESULTS:

(a) I can't eat it because I'm on a diet | it's not on the plan | I have to lose weight
If your response is (a) it means that you are driven by an external motivation and a set of rules set by someone else. You have given your power to a book, a trainer, a weight loss corporation who is making your decisions for you. You will feel deprived and are counting down the days until your diet is over.

Likelihood of Success = 0-25%

(b) I shouldn't eat it because I'm on my diet | it's not on my plan | I need to lose weight
If your response is (b) it means you are driven by internal motivation and a set of rules you have adopted for yourself. You are a high achiever and rely on your willpower to keep you on track. You will feel constricted and will eventually rebel against your own rules because they crush your sense of individuality and freedom. You are counting down the days until you reach your goal.

Likelihood of Success = 25-50%

(c) I won't eat it because it will make me feel sick | is not very nutritious | will spike my blood sugar
If your response is (c) it means you are driven by internal motivation to be healthy. You enjoy the benefits of feeling physically wonderful through your healthy choices which will keep your motivation high. You will still struggle with psychological cravings for food you consider to be 'bad' and will be caught off guard when your defences are down through sickness, tiredness or lack of results. You are counting the days you have been eating clean/binge free.

Likelihood of Success = 50-75%

(d) I don't feel like it because I'm not hungry | I had some yesterday | it's too rich for me
If your response is (d) it means that you are living the life you always imagined. You enjoy the pleasures of food, but you genuinely prefer the healthy stuff most of the time. You can walk away from the cheesecake without a second thought because you didn't feel like it. You are free to eat it whenever you want, and you have discovered that you only feel like rich heavy food once in a while. You've forgotten to count anything except your blessings.

Likelihood of Success = 75-100%

Observe your language - are your statements filled with "I have to/can't" ~ "I should/shouldn't" ~ "I will/won't" ~ "I feel like/don't feel like"? Do a search of your own blog posts to see how often the words appear ...

Here's a sample from my own blog :

I become confused and stressed every time I have to make an eating decision

I should go back to my last year's competition diet because I was losing at least 0.5kg a week and I am not doing that now.

I refine my choices keeping in mind that my carbs shouldn't exceed 100-120g for the day

I don't feel like I have to eat everything I've missed on low carb today because I know I get to do this again next week.

How did you do??

Gratitude #101

2009-09-30T05:00:00.002+10:00

Today I am grateful for all the things I didn't earn, achieve through my efforts, work for, or deserve. You could say I am 'lucky' to have these things, but it is not luck, it is simply how things are in the part of my world that doesn't require me to be worthy.

♥ I am thankful that I can wake up each morning in a warm bed with my loving husband laying beside me
♥ I am thankful that I am a morning person and I can sit at my desk and drink a hot cup of tea while I watch the sun rise over the harbour
♥ I am thankful for the person who grew the tea, the person who transported it in their truck, the shopkeeper who put it on the shelves and the money in my pocket that enabled me to buy it.
♥ I am grateful that I have a comfortable house that gives me shelter and safety
♥ I am thankful that I have two strong legs that take me wherever I want to go. I am grateful that I have strong, capable muscles that enable me to love walking and running
♥ I am blessed to have a fully functioning body - eyes to see, ears to hear, arms and hands, a heart that pumps blood, lungs that provide oxygen, organs that digest and eliminate the toxins, a healthy mind, and skin to hold me all together
♥ I am thankful that I have healthy, nourishing food to eat when I am hungry that someone grew, transported and delivered to me
♥ I am grateful for fresh, clean water, a hot shower, washing my hair and brushing my teeth
♥ I am thankful that I can walk to a jetty and catch a ferry to work
♥ I am blessed that I have a job that I am good at, people who support me, and an adequate pay packet
♥ I am grateful that my colleagues give me compliments on both my appearance and my performance
♥ I am thankful that I am comfortable speaking in public and I have a quick brain that learns quickly and retains information
♥ I am blessed that I have a thirst for knowledge, an open mind, and enjoy learning something new every day
♥ I am grateful that I have a mentor/coach who is thrilled to spend time helping me
♥ I am thankful that I have wonderful friends who love and support me no matter how bratty I am
♥ I am blessed that I have a husband who adores me and a kitty who loves me unconditionally because of who I am not what I do
♥ I am grateful that yoga centres me and the company pays for me to do it
♥ I am thankful that I love to read and I can express myself through writing
♥ I am blessed that I have a sense of humour
♥ I am grateful that I am not afraid to make mistakes
♥ I am blessed that I am emotionally balanced
♥ I am thankful that I have all these things that I don't have to be 'good enough' to deserve

When I identify all the things that have be given to me, it reminds me that I don't have to work hard for joy and happiness. I don't need to be the 'best' to have all these wonderful things in my life.

I am carefully unravelling my core belief that tells me I need to be a setting challenging goals and achieving them in order to be happy. I am questioning whether waiting until I am successful (or more successful than others) to feel proud and happy is causing me pain. I have been earning my happiness through my actions and suffering the harsh judgment of my inner critic when I'm not perfect. I will never be good enough because I just keep setting the bar higher and higher ~ losing weight turned into being a gym junkie, turned into competing with a coach, turned into competing without a coach, turned in to staying competition lean all the time ...

The question is ... does good enough, or not good enough really even matter when I already have all these wonderful gifts I didn't need to struggle or strive for?

Could it be possible to live effortless, beautifully and magically?

*whispers* holy fuck ... I had no idea where this was going to end up when I started writing it ... it's like it just comes from nowhere!

Reframing #102

2009-09-29T05:00:00.002+10:00

Is it a photo or a movie?

When I think about my favourite (unhealthy) food I imagine a still photo. I see the food big, colourful, and close. I smell its wonderful aroma and imagine how it will taste in my mouth. I see a vivid picture in my head.

If I change that photo into a movie, and let it run from the beginning to the end, my experience changes. I see myself eating the food, then eating more and more until I am uncomfortable. I feel my bloated stomach as I climb into bed and experience a night of disturbed sleep. I can feel the disappointment and self criticism that follows and suddenly the food isn't as attractive as that photo I had in my head.

When I think about going on a diet I imagine a photo. It is a picture of me standing on the scales and the number flashing back at me gives me a wave of pleasure. It is a wonderful thrill that I miss.

If I change that photo into a movie, and let it run from beginning to end, my experience changes. I see myself restricting my calories, exercising until I drop and being tired, cold and miserable the whole time. I see myself reaching that magic "lowest weight ever" number on the scales but the movie doesn't stop there. It is biologically impossible for me to be in a restrict my food without the bingeing that follows. I watch my self-control and will power slip away as I binge again and again until I have regained all the weight I have lost. I can see the entire miserable cycle and suddenly the gratification of losing weight through calorie restriction and over exercising isn't as attractive as the photo in my head.

It has been said that all poor decisions are based on photos - glorifying one moment in time; and all good decisions are based on movies - considering the action and its consequences over time.

Next time you are faced with a decision, make sure you are seeing the entire movie from start to finish and not just a single snapshot frozen in time. If you make this choice, how will you feel at the end of the day, and how will you feel tomorrow?

Are your decisions based on a photo or on a movie?

Reframing #101

2009-09-28T02:00:00.001+10:00

The only thing that makes me abandon my resolve to take great care of myself is pain. It can be emotional pain ~ frustration, boredom, failure, sadness, loneliness, confusion; or physical pain ~ sore muscles, headache, tiredness, cramps, indigestion. My instant escape valve from pain is to eat something I consider a treat, and to eat a lot of it, because the longer I am involved in the sensory delight of eating, the longer I can forget about the pain.

Unfortunately, when the eating is done, I have a whole lot more pain to deal with ~ disgust, a sense of failure, and a desire to punish myself to make amends for my lack of control. I increase the level of pain in my life which guarantees that sooner or later I'll end up self medicating with food again. And so the cycle continues ...

Imagine a recent time when you did something that you regret, and are ashamed of. I bet it had something to do with food, didn't it? Was it that extra helping of dessert? Or that handful of sweets stuffed down your throat while no-one was looking? Or did you just keep going back for more and more peanut butter until the jar was empty? As you remember every detail of that episode, how does it make you feel? Better or worse than before you thought about it?

We give every event in our lives meaning. Our actions and feelings following events depend on the meaning we give to the event. Normally this meaning is given unconsciously. We can't change how we feel about something by deciding to think conscious positive thoughts, but we can use a little brain magic to improve our unconscious reactions ~ it is called REFRAMING. And the best part is that is simple, instant and permanent.

This is what I see in my head when I think about the other day when I ate something crappy when I was tired, frustrated and needed to escape from feeling bad. This picture reminds me that I was out of control, disgusting and weak. I need a good slap and more discipline. I need to get tougher on myself because I can't be trusted to 'eat what I want' when this is what I do. There is no way I am loving and accepting that!

Now I imagine the same image but I turn down the colour, I make it blurry and out of focus, I make it appear smaller by surrounding it with white space and I add a frame.

This image is exactly the same but completely different. How do I feel about this view of the same event?
What do you feel when you look at this picture?

I can see someone who is hurting, someone who in pain and needs comfort. There is a fragile vulnerability that is compelling and beautiful. There is no way that this person needs more rules, more discipline or punishment, they need love and understanding. I need love and understanding. I need to take better care of myself and treat myself with kindness. The feelings of powerlessness, disgust and weakness have been replaced with feelings of compassion. I can deeply and completely love and accept this image of myself.

Try scrolling back up to the original picture. I bet you can't look at it in the same way as you did before. Your feelings have changed permanently because your perspective has changed.

I didn't repeat positive affirmations for days on end, I didn't go to therapy to figure out why I eat as a coping strategy, and I didn't write a list of all the things that I have done successfully. I literally REFRAMED the picture in my head by altering the colour, sharpness, size and surroundings of the same image. My subconscious mind now adds a different meaning to the event without me needing to 'work through it'. I am now in a powerful positive emotional state where I have access to my skills, imagination and motivation to change the outcome.

Hokey pokey brain magic ... and there's much more where that came from ...

[who knew Photoshopping was a weight mastery technique!]

Weight Mastery ~ It's Like Learning to Dance

2009-09-27T08:24:00.009+10:00

For those of us who are high achievers and perfection seekers, the idea of replacing our strictly controlled diet and exercise regime with trusting our bodies seems like an excuse to lower our standards. It might work for overweight people who currently live on cream cakes and chocolate, but we're athletes. We require a scientifically tested nutrition and training regime because we desire extraordinary results - hell, being normal doesn't cut it. We aspire to be masters of the whole body composition arena ~ we demand high levels of fitness, symmetrical musculature and low levels of body fat.

But what does weight mastery really mean? Let's discuss it in the context of learning to dance [adapted from the Four Stages of Swing Dancing Proficiency ~ I can't link it for some reason but it is the first google result if you go here]

1. Unconscious Incompetence ~ Mayhem
At this first stage of awareness, a dancer has never given the subject of dancing any conscious thought. She has never been formally introduced to it and, until she takes her first basic level dance class, she is really at a stage of unawareness because she is simply unconscious of her incompetence.

2. Conscious Incompetence ~ Regulation/Rules
At this second stage of awareness, the new dancer has been formally introduced to dancing and she now fully appreciates its social and recreational potential. She has taken several basic level classes but she realizes that her performance is marginal at best and that she needs to take many more dance classes and workshops to sharpen her skills. She is grateful for any helpful tips that might improve her dancing. This is the awkward stage for the new dancer. At this point in her training, she is more prone to be repeatedly answering the question: "how long have you been dancing" rather than "where do you dance." All in all, the conscious incompetent clings to her think-step pattern, like a new western horseback rider clings to his saddle horn.

3. Conscious Competence ~ Management
At this third stage of awareness, the dancer has completed all of the Basic and Intermediate level classes, and she is now an accomplished, well rehearsed dancer. She almost always executes her steps flawlessly in every direction to varying tempos of the music. All in all, she has developed into a smooth dancer who confidently performs the different patterns that she has learned over the years. The conscious competent dancer knows what she is doing!

4. Unconscious Competence ~ Mastery
At this final, fourth stage of awareness, the dancer has achieved the highest level of proficiency where she has cultivated a signature style that transcends being well rehearsed; instead, she has become just as intimately familiar with each inherent part of the patterns that she has learned over the years, as she is with the overall patterns themselves. As Advanced level dancer, she can intuitively "mix and match" the specific handwork and footwork elements of different patterns to create new patterns, and she has the versatility to frequently intersperse steps from other dance disciplines to physically embrace the beat of the music. Simply put, the unconscious competent is the dancer that the dancers enjoy watching!

I previously thought that weight management was the ultimate goal of the health and fitness lifestyle. I thought that if I understood and applied all the best nutrition and training advice I would achieve and maintain the body of my dreams. But I discovered that I needed constant vigilance, intense willpower, and high stakes (competing) to keep me on track.

I now know that to become a master of my health and well being, I need to transcend to the level of Mastery. By listening to the wisdom of my body, connecting with my thoughts and feelings, and moving beyond conventional advice I can unleash my true potential. I want to physically, emotionally and spiritually embrace life without having to think through every action. Weight Mastery is the next step in proficiency - it requires more skill and delivers more satisfaction then merely following a set of rules.

Don't settle for Level 3, push yourself out of your comfort zone and take your first tentative steps into Unconscious Competence. Become the dancer that other dancers enjoy watching!

The Universe Speaks Again

2009-09-26T07:26:00.003+10:00

Try this site Vital Life Affirmations

Select a free affirmation card from our pack of positive affirmations. Just be prepared to listen to your inner voice when you pick one. Be alert for affirmations that you have a strong reaction to.

You can shuffle the positive affirmation cards by pressing the shuffle link, then simply choose an affirmation card by clicking on it.

It's amazing how often "just the right" affirmation comes to just the right person. Try it for yourself!

And look at the four cards I turned over ...

The Next Step ~ Your Very Own Lifestyle Coach

2009-09-26T01:00:00.001+10:00

I was listening to a podcast today not specifically related to the "Fuck It" Diet self care and I couldn't understand 99% of what he was talking about.

I promise I am not taking the piss but if you can interpret the following, please let me know ~

We will introduce you to the different types of matrices that we all must interface with, evolve through and be regulated by. Some of the prevalent matrices are: the Solar System, society and governments, the physical body with the womb as a matrix (which regulates all matter with it) the mind, the emotions are also a matrix; the medical world is a matrix and the world of electricity with machines, devices, and the internet are all examples of various matrices that operate simultaneously in layers through our lives. We all must evolve at the same time to have some kind of alignment to the greater needs and usages of the matrices we operate and perceive life through. We also are seeking to live beyond the physical matrix that is controlling us, the social matrix that is containing us the psychological and environmental matrices that are propelling us and the spiritual matrix which is directing us.

The 1% I understood was ~

Individuals come to a point where they have reached the limit of their own proficiency.

Although this statement was referring to the fact that we will eventually need to connect with the energy of other travellers on the same journey in order to reach our true potential it reminded me that one of the most important steps in moving beyond dieting is to listen to the wisdom of my ultimate lifestyle coach ~ my physical body.

My mind has been busy for 5 years researching, learning, studying and integrating all the information I could get my hands on concerning nutrition, human movement and basic motivation. I have concentrated on my intellectual growth and now I have reached the limit of proficiency. The secret to taking great care of my body isn't found in a book, on the interweb or from an expert.

The secret is paying attention to my body.

My body - hormones, endocrine system, digestion, cellular renewal, sensory receptors, blood, muscle and bones - all work together in seamless cooperation. I am in charge of a complex organism that I barely understand. Yet my inflated sense of ego tells me that my brain knows best and my body is trying to betray me so I should ignore it's messages of hunger, fullness, cravings and pain.

This is my greatest folly, and the simplest to remedy.

The way to take great care of my body is to listen to its clear and persuasive voice. Once I quieten the monkey chatter in my brain, my body will guide every decision that I make.

How does this work practically?

When I wake in the morning I concentrate on feeling the sensations in my muscles as I move. Am I stiff and sore, or just a bit tender in places? Do I have energy and vitality or am I dragging myself around? Do I have pain or discomfort in the places I usually get sick (head and stomach)?

With that data I contemplate my training decision for the day. I imagine a couple of scenarios - weight training, cardio, walking, stretching, yoga, or nothing - and notice how the thought of each makes me feel. If I feel a sense of calmness and peace when I think of what I'll do, then I go right ahead. Right now, most mornings I run through the following sequence ~ yoga (10 x sun salutes), walking meditation (10 minutes connected with my breath), 4 sets 12 reps of one lift (connected with my breath and the muscle I am working), 10 more sun salutes, finished off with meditation. I love every moment of it, I feel energised and awake afterwards, and my muscles are pleasantly sore the next day. I have a particularly "super" TTOM at the moment which is probably driving this gentler choice of movement, but as I write this I predict a good sweaty run will soon be on the cards.

I also use my body's innate wisdom to inform my food choices. At meal times I stop, empty my mind, place my hands on my stomach and listen carefully to see if I am hungry. I imagine the food choices in my head and notice my physical reaction to each one. I also consider how the food will make me feel between now and the next meal. I have noticed that sometimes I feel like more carbs (oats for breakfast instead of protein pancakes) and sometimes I need more fat ... almond, brazil nut and cashew butter goes with everything! My 'cravings' are indicators I what I need to eat, rather than what I should resist. When I listen, I am quickly satisfied and the craving goes away.

I eat until my stomach is physically full. I need to keep checking in with my body because my brain tells me that feeling full is overeating. I take my lead from the portions other healthy people eat - especially the naturally slender ones who eat far more than I ever did on a diet.

In between meals I also pay attention to how I'm feeling. I have noticed that apples appear to make me hungry. What they actually do is give me heartburn and I associate stomach pain with hunger so I think I need to eat. It's not 'fruit' as a category because I can happily munch on a banana without any issues.

I usually get breakfast just right [probably because I am most centred first thing in the morning], but lunch is pretty hit and miss [because I have to decide what I'm taking to work in the morning and sometimes I don't feel like it when lunch rolls around but I don't have time to go searching for something else]. If I don't feel satisfied in the afternoon, I simply grab some nuts or fruit to hold me over until I get home. Dinner is the most fascinating of all. Last night I had a marinated baked chicken breast and roast veggies. I was wasn't quite contented at the end of the meal so I went back and had more veggies. Other nights I will have dessert which is usually a warmed banana, nut butter and light toffee ice cream. Last night I had one square of chocolate.

My body has stopped being the enemy. I don't crave junk, and if I feel like something that is processed I have a bite or two and then I'm fine. Last night the boys were eating hot pull apart bread and I had a piece that was 2 bites and walked away [I have been known to eat an entire loaf on my own covered in butter but these days I can't even fathom why I would want to eat the whole loaf ...].

As mentioned, I am in the midst of a proper period, not just one day of spotting, so my hormonal system is healing. I am pooping on my own which is astounding considering the length of time I took laxatives twice a day so my digestive system is back on line. I am no longer constantly freezing because it is summer at last because my thermostat is functioning again. My skin is healthy, my hair is shining and my nails are strong.

And it is entirely possible I am releasing some excess fat cells but I don't know for sure because I keep forgetting to stand on the scales when I first get up. If my "bloated period stomach + after huge breakfast + two giant cups of tea + haven't pooped yet" recent weigh in data is anything to go by, I'm certainly not getting any fatter.

My body is the expert and it knows what it needs. All I need to do is listen with my heart and remember that my thoughts ... have reached the limit of their own proficiency.

Let Your Light Shine from the Inside

2009-09-25T10:23:00.000+10:00

Not quite what I meant!

Taking the First Step

2009-09-25T05:00:00.018+10:00

So Katie, I'm sick of all this dieting, punishing myself in the gym, feeling like a failure all the time, and so consumed with how I look that I am missing out on my family, my friends and my life. You say the only way to have the body and the life of my dreams is simply taking great care of myself ... but where do I start?

The very first step on this amazing journey is to recognise that whatever you are doing now isn't working. It hasn't worked for you even though you've given it your very best shot. You've set goals, you've been motivated, you've put in the hard work, you wanted it more than anything in your life, and yet you end up falling in a heap over and over again.

You have been strong and committed to the traditional principals of weight loss for a long, long time and yet you still have to push yourself to get to the gym and the smell of hot chips or freshly baked bread makes you weak at the knees. Instead of it getting easier, it feels like it's getting harder.

Consider your daily thoughts and actions and ask yourself if you would wish this life on your best girlfriend or on your daughter. If you could swap yesterday with someone you loved, would you be giving them a gift or a day of misery? If you wouldn't want someone you care for to have to walk in your shoes for one day, then you are not taking great care of yourself.

If you want, more than anything else, for the torture to end then you are ready to change. You have to want it more than being lean, more than a number on the scale and more than feeling in control. You have to hold on to the belief that there is another way, and it will work if you give it a chance.

Then, the next time you are hungry, decide what you would like to eat, add up the calories, fat grams and carbs in your head (because you will) and then say the magic words "Fuck It" and eat it anyway. Then refuse to feel guilty -- repeat to yourself : even though I feel like I've been bad/weak/indulgent/undisciplined I deeply and completely love and accept myself.

Tomorrow morning when you walk in the door of the gym with your pre-planned training schedule, say the magic words "Fuck this Shit" and go play on a piece of equipment while you read a trashy magazine, get a massage, or go for a slow walk while listening to your breath and the sounds of nature. Then refuse to feel guilty -- repeat to yourself : even though I feel like I've been bad/lazy/weak/undisciplined I deeply and completely love and accept myself.

It will feel like you have given up, that you have no discipline, that you will get fatter and fatter by the minute, but you won't. You have great habits and your body knows that good food and an active lifestyle makes you feel amazing. You have taught it well and it will not let you down.

It may be uncomfortable to take away all the rules and follow your instincts and sometimes things will seem to get worse before they get better [I binged more frequently at the beginning but my binges were less intense and didn't last as long], but I can guarantee that just when it seems like you're doing everything wrong you will find your miracle.

One day the emptiness inside will disappear, food will just be food, you'll pass on the chips because you honestly don't feel like them, and you will move your body because it makes you happier than sitting still.

And best of all, you will have all this extra time on your hands and space in your head to play with your kids, write a book, paint, sing, hug the cat, and marvel at the miracle of being alive and aware of your blessings. You will be happy, you will be at peace and the beauty you feel inside will manifest itself in your best body ever.

A New Paradigm - Self Care, Here and Now

2009-09-24T07:26:00.002+10:00

Paradigm :

A set of assumptions, concepts, values, and practices that constitutes a way of viewing reality for the community that shares them.

For me, there are now so many things wrong with the concept of a 100 Day Challenge and counting the days. What I am counting down to? Is my life really a challenge? Is this fixation on time and numbers of benefit?

A New Paradigm

I choose to take great care of myself in this moment right here, right now. I observe my thoughts and replace the negative with the positive. I listen to my body and eat food that gives me the most pleasure over the longest time. I move with joy and ease. I do what makes me happy and alive every moment of every day.

There is no time, there is no tomorrow, my life is not a giant countdown clock to the next event, I choose to be happy right now.

Achieving a fit, lean, healthy body is not the measure of success but the by-product of living a life of nurturing self care and self love.

Join the revolution - if you believe that true happiness in found in the alignment of body, mind and spirit [or head, heart and health] then shift your focus from achieving the perfect body to living an authentic life of joy, peace, love and laughter.

After all, that is the goal of the goal right? You want to be lean, fit and healthy so you can increase the joy in your life. Why wait for a number - a day, a date, a scale reading, a BF %, a dress size - dive right in to happiness today by feeling comfortable and at ease with who you are on the inside.

Let's shake up this community where we fixate on how much we weigh, how many calories we ate and how much we burned in the gym and make celebrating our continuous improvement and learning from our mistakes the cornerstone of our evolution. Let's transform our assumptions, concepts, values and practices.

When we change our thinking, our beliefs, and our identity and connect with God/the universe/our collective energy, then today is an incredible gift and our future is beyond our imagination.

Oh how this thrills my heart ...

What do I want? I want the joy, the sass, the bliss that comes with knowing I'm living my life EXACTLY the way I want to, and EXACTLY the way God intended. Having a buff, sexy body will be a sweet bonus. Not the end goal, just a symptom of living a healthy, happy life.

I'm holding on for my miracle. I'm not going anywhere till I get it and when I get it, I'm never letting go. ♥ Liimu

100 Day Challenge - Day 41 - Help ! The Sky has Fallen

2009-09-23T07:46:00.003+10:00

This is what I woke up to this morning. So I went straight back to bed. No training required when it's the end of the world or when you have TTOM like a motherfucker!

The End

Monster Dust Storm Blankets Sydney

100 Day Challenge - Day 42 - I Was the Most Beautiful

2009-09-22T08:37:00.003+10:00

An English naval officer was marooned on a remote island in the South Pacific. He had befriended a native man to whom he was constantly trying to prove his superiority. For the Englishman, everything was a contest. This puzzled the native, for whom life was fun, like a game.

One day the Englishman, in a typical fashion, threw down a challenge to the native. Pointing out a spot about half a mile down the beautiful sandy beach, he announced, "We will have a competition from here to that distant point."

The native agreed. The Englishman, always taking charge of things, set up the conditions: "We will train in our own style, privately, for two weeks. On the fourteenth day, we will compete."

When the day arrived, they took their places on the starting line and set off. With his usual intensity, pushing himself to the limit of his physical ability and grimacing with the strain, he drove himself through the sand until, gasping for breath, he lunged for the finish line. Exhausted and soaked in sweat, he turned to see how his opponent was doing.

To his joy and amazement, the native was only about halfway to the finish line. The Englishman watched him float gracefully along the shoreline with long, comfortable strides, a smile on his handsome face. When he finally pranced across the finish line he found the Englishman jumping and down and shouting "I won! I won!"

The native looked at the Englishman in disbelief. "What? You won? No, I won, I was the most beautiful!"

from
Body, Mind, and Sport: The Mind-Body Guide to Lifelong Health, Fitness, and Your Personal Best

100 Day Challenge - Day 43 - Get Some Meditation in Your Guts

2009-09-21T10:49:00.002+10:00

Simply Being [click on the grey arrow]
Relaxation Break
from

What Would I Like Instead?

2009-09-21T05:00:00.004+10:00

Following on from yesterday's post listing my past issues [my 'away from' motivation], this post is to document what would like instead. This is my 'towards' motivation. This is my dream.

I am easily and effortlessly ...

eating three main meals a day at roughly the same times, with an afternoon snack and occasional dessert
eating food that tastes good while I eat it and continues to make me feel good over time without worrying too much about calories, carbs, fat or protein content
eating only when I am hungry
seeing food primarily as a source of energy and health
eating appropriate portions of food that keep me satisfied until the next meal
varying my intake to my level of activity
self correcting when I overindulge by either waiting until I'm truly hungry again or making lighter choices at the next meal
eating whatever I feel like at restaurants, social occasions and celebrations while considering how my choices will make me feel at the end of that day
using mistakes as an opportunity to learn by thinking through how I will do things differently next time
recognising and understanding the feedback my body gives me both before and after eating
calm and relaxed around food knowing that cake eaten with love beats carrots eaten with stress
taking great care of myself
exercising only to enjoy the vitality and energy it gives me
enjoying a fully functioning digestive system that makes the optimal use of my food and eliminates the toxins
taking time for personal hygiene/grooming every day
recording my behaviours, thoughts and circumstances so I can repeat my successes and overcome my triggers
accepting that I am beautiful, talented, giving and loved because of who I am not how I look
thankful that I have a strong, functioning body that enables me to interact with the world
measuring my progress by how I feel rather than a number on a machine
wearing clothes that fit perfectly, suit my shape, express my personality and make me feel great
trusting my instincts and my self awareness to tell me what food and exercise will nurture inner peace and joy
spending more time with my husband and friends without worrying about what they are eating
living an authentic life
transforming and evolving to become my best self because this is my destiny
attracting positive thoughts, happiness and limitless opportunites for growth and development into my life
practicing new ways to re-new my mind, body and spirit
aligning my thoughts, habits, beliefs, values, and intentions to achieve wholeness
making continuous improvements
re-connecting to my divine nature
grateful for the journey so far
going to bed at night contented and happy and waking each morning excited by the adventure of simply living

The best thing is that all of these amazing things are not just going to become reality one day in the future, they are my reality now. All I have done is change my perspective, re-set my internal compass and each day is truly wonderful already.

Instead of spending time and energy chasing away the darkness, it feels like I have simply switched on the light. Although it feel like a miracle and I don't understand it (like I don't understand electricity) and I have been worried that the changes wouldn't last, I now realise that the only way the darkness can return is if I switch off the light again. It has just occurred to me that I only need the light on to get through the night because soon the sun will rise and turn the darkness into a distant memory that exists only in the past.

I have honestly never felt better in my life -- I am happier than any scale number could ever make me, I am full of joy that outstrips the feeling of being too small for my jeans, and prouder than I have ever felt standing on stage in the best physical shape of my life.

It is like I have been wearing a pair of high heels one size too small all day, and I have finally kicked them off. Those shoes are going in the bin!!

A Confession : I Have an Eating Disorder

2009-09-20T11:12:00.001+10:00

Ever since I read the painfully honest posts by Raechelle and Liz admitting to their inner demons, I have been wanting to tell you this secret. The cold hard fact is that what started out as wanting to 'drop a few kilos' has turned into a raging, all consuming, self inflicted eating disorder and pretending my behaviour is 'healthy' living or 'contest prep' is simply lying to myself and to everyone else.

If I step outside of myself and view my behaviour from the perspective of someone who cares for me, it is obvious that things have been out of control for more than a few years. In my mind I have convinced myself that doing this stuff is completely normal.

Here is what my eating disorder looked like at rock bottom ...

weighing all food (including egg whites, lettuce and diet cordial) and adjusting portions to be exactly the right amount (that extra gram of pumpkin had to go back in the container)
having food scales at home and in my handbag in case I eat out and don't know the weight of the food
recording everything in a online calorie counter including the calories in diet soda and fish oil tablets
feeling anxious and upset if I didn't have internet access to check my calorie totals
pre-determining what to eat for the day and then printing it out and ticking it off so there was no deviation
taking all my food with me all the time in multiple tupperware containers
not allowing anyone a taste of my food because it is measured perfectly and I needed every bit of it
scraping every last morsel out of the container or licking it clean
restricting fruit and vegetables based on their carbohydrate content
restricting food based on its sodium content
scheduling activities around eating sessions - couldn't go to an event if it prevented me from eating on time
eating was the main highlight of my day
never eating the same food as my partner/friends
the success of my day was measured by the food I ate - good day = ate according to the diet; bad day = ate something I hadn't planned
food/cooking/meals was all I thought about and talked about
never being full - either eating and still being hungry or bingeing beyond the point of fullness
taking large amounts of expensive supplements ranging from vitamins to fatburners to creatine
eating large quantities of 'calorie free' food like green vegetables, miracle noodles, psyllium/bran
exercising until a precise number of calories had been burned
exercising when I was sick, sore or instead of sleeping
wearing my heart rate monitor when I went for a walk longer than 10 minutes
constant physical muscle pain (DOMS) and joint pain making every day activity difficult
spending all weekend in my gym clothes and sneakers because I never went out anywhere other than the gym and the supermarket
chronic constipation and gas
avoiding social situations where food was present
constantly scouring the internet for the latest diet and latest training method
calling myself a 'fat pig' in my head
having 3 different clothing, bra and underwear sizes that I regularly wore - competing, off season, fat clothes
weighing myself multiple times a day - when I first got up, after going to the bathroom, when I got home from work, before I went to bed
throwing food in the bin so that I wouldn't eat it and then taking it out later
asking my husband to hide food so I couldn't find it
eating until I was so stuffed I couldn't sleep, I had night sweats and my face, fingers and ankles became severely swollen
always vowing to start afresh each morning, each Monday, each first day of the month
going to bed early because the only thing I had to look forward to was a lower number on the scales the following morning and breakfast
crying because of a number on the scale or not being able to fit into my clothes
avoiding being with my husband because he would want to eat food I couldn't have in front of me
not being able to leave the house because I needed to be near the toilet when the laxatives and diuretics kicked in
using colonics as a weight loss strategy
looking at pictures of steriod using figure girls on stage and feeling inadequate for not looking like them

I am pleased to say that I haven't done any of the above for most of the last month. I am getting help and support from people who understand where I've ended up and I'm making wonderful progress.

So although I may longer be the person you imagined me to be, that my reputation as an 'inspiration' has been has been based on lies, I am the happiest I have been in my whole life. I am recovering, healing, and evolving into the best that I can be one day at a time.

I would love to connect with anyone who recognises where I have come from and has achieved a transformational shift back to health and vitality. Please leave me a comment and/or a link to your blog so I can overhaul my reading list. I no longer want to know about the best diet, the menu item with the lowest calories or whether cardio is fat burning or not. I want to know that I can leave this mess behind because other people just like me have done it.

If this blog is no longer what you are looking for, then thank you so much for your loyalty over the years. I have felt part of a wonderful community but the time has come for me to focus on being whole and healthy rather than being thin enough to go the gym.

KatieP ♥

PS: I might have to abandon the 100 Day Challenge because it is part of the old diet mentality. I still haven't decided what to do just yet ...
I am also pulling my coaching service because I can no longer endorse dieting as a weight loss solution ...

100 Day Challenge - Day 44 - Hunger Torches the Fat

2009-09-20T05:00:00.002+10:00

The old miserable Katie used to hate hunger. It used to be a constant gnawing emptiness that made me cranky and unpleasant to be around. Now hunger is my friend.

I make sure that I eat large, nutritious, physically and psychologically satisfying meals that keep me comfortable and full until the next scheduled meal. And when I start to feel hunger before my next feed I am happy.

Hunger is feedback. It means I have eaten the amount of food my body needs, it has processed it all and used it all up to fuel my activity, internal organs and my brain. It has run out of the good stuff and is asking for more.

Here's the part that I love. I tell my body that more food is coming soon, but in the meantime, there are plenty of fat cells it can consume to access extra energy. I imagine a Pacman game, with little munching mouths gobbling up the blobs of fat. When the hunger subsides (which it always does because hunger comes in waves) I know that I'm still moving and functioning because I'm torching the fat.

I'm coming to get you -- nom nom nom fatty fat tastes good

There is also no reason to fear that getting 'too hungry' will precede a binge. This is my limiting belief and makes no sense under close examination. Naturally lean people get hungry every day and they don't eat until they are sick as a consequence.

The urge to binge is always precipitated by a feeling of pain or deprivation so my correlation between hunger and bingeing is a result of my old feelings that hunger was uncomfortable, continuous and painful so I wanted to soothe that pain with food. Now that I know that being hungry is an opportunity to access my energy storage units (fat) and is only temporary while my body switches fuel sources, I don't find it painful or uncomfortable at all.

Nom nom nom nom nom nom nom gobble up that yummy fat, there's plenty to keep us going ☺

100 Day Challenge - Day 45 - It's Our Special Pirates' Day

2009-09-19T03:43:00.002+10:00

Ahoy there me hearties, grab your parrot, peg-leg and ~~grog~~ water bucket -- it's International Talk/Blog Like a Pirate Day today.

Shiver me timbers gang, our deeds are so famous on the seven seas that the whole wide world be giving us Pirate love.

Arr, what can ye do today t' celebrate? Maybe write a list o' all the great thin's you have accomplished on this quest, or be taking a look at ye treasure map and see if ye gettin' close.

Me parrot concurs that today be the day t' live as your authentic self. Weigh anchor and surrender the excess booty!

If ye be competing today, I hope ye bikini looks like this. Blimey, good luck ye gorgeous lasses. Arrrrrrgh, be bloody proud of being a sexy wench!

Smooth sailin', an' fair winds t' ye!

T' me,
Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho,
It's "Talk Like A Pirate" Day!
That time in September when sea dogs remember
That grown-ups still know how ta play!
When wenches are curvy and dogs are all scurvy
And a soft-wear patch covers your eye,
Ta hell with our jobs, for one day we're all swabs
And buccaneers all till we die!
So hoist up the mainsails and shut down your brain cells,
They only would get in the way,
Avast there, me hearty, we're havin' a party,
It's "Talk Like A Pirate" Day!
Yo Ho!

100 Day Challenge - Day 46 - Why Calories are not the Whole Story

2009-09-18T05:00:00.011+10:00

We all know that eating more calories than you burn results in fat storage and consuming less calories than you burn results in weight loss.

So why is that some people can eat a great deal of calories and not gain weight and others just eat a single donut and put on a kilo overnight? If a donut is the same amount of calories for a slim person and an 'easy gainer' why the difference in result?

The difference must be in the calories burned. Is it just a cruel metabolic joke or is there another explanation? It can't only be metabolism because sometimes I can get away with more calories than I would expect, and at other times, a strict adherence to a calorie restriction program gives me much less fat loss than the sums would suggest. This is the reason why my maintenance level has always been baffling.

The answer to the calorie quandry is indeed metabolic, but not in the way you imagine. Let me explain.

In order to fully utilise the incoming calories for energy, repair and eliminate the waste the body has to use its parasympathetic nervous system [rest and digest].

Parasympathetic fibers slow the heart; stimulate peristalsis; promote the secretion of lacrimal, salivary, and digestive glands; induce bile and insulin release; dilate peripheral and visceral blood vessels; constrict the pupils, esophagus, and bronchioles; and relax sphincters during micturition and defecation.

In the event of stress, guilt, self criticism, conflict, exhaustion, fear and anger, the sympathetic nervous system [fight or flight] takes over and shuts down all the above functions. [The parasympathetic system also controls the sex organs so there is a hint as to why my period stops when I diet].

(The sympathetic nervous system is) the part of the autonomic nervous system that is concerned especially with preparing the body to react to situations of stress or emergency, that contains chiefly adrenergic fibers and tends to depress secretion, decrease the tone and contractility of smooth muscle and increase heart rate.

If we eat when we are under the control of the sympathetic nervous system [stress], none of our food (or our stored fat reserves) is processed properly and ends up in storage (fat) instead.

It explains why I ate a beautiful HUGE post comp meal in a calm, relaxed manner and didn’t even register a blip on the scale, and yet weeks and weeks of calorie restriction with my body under stress doesn’t result in any significant weight loss. It also explains why my weight was the most stable it has ever been the week I purposely did no exercise at all and focused on relaxing.

Intense exercise also stresses the body, but is not a reason to stop if you enjoy it – I think the feelings of enjoyment and pleasure cancels out the stress reaction or at least gets you back to relaxed fairly quickly. But when you exercise while feeling sick, stressed, rushed, guilty, or punishing yourself for your "sins" you enter the sympathetic state (shut down digestive system) which means you won’t be able to burn your stored fat as energy, you’ll just get drained.

On the other hand, simple walking, yoga, stretching, using a fitball for a chair [my latest craze!] can also torch the fat cells if you are calm enough to access your fat when you need extra energy.

So it is not what you eat but HOW you eat that matters. To burn up all the excess fat simply and easily all you have to do is enjoy the food while you are eating AND afterwards (when digestion is taking place), be as relaxed as possible during and after meals and think happy thoughts!

It is possible that calmly eating chocolate cake with love and acceptance will result in more weight loss than eating lean chicken and green beans with gritty determination quickly followed by anxiety while you count down the hours until the next meal.

It is not what your exercise choice is but HOW you exercise that matters. If you enjoy it you will be re-energised as body releases it's stored energy but if you are doing it under sufference because you think you have to you will be depleted and hungry ("can't get to the food I've got inside me -- give me some more")

EASY when you know how. It is entirely possible to love yourself thin ...

Do you agree or am I talking through my very relaxed sphincter?

Read another opinion here.

From Bones to Wings

2009-09-17T21:01:00.002+10:00

I just showed Mr Katie the final version of my new blog.

"That's interesting" he remarked "you've gone from bones to wings"

Indeed, dear friends, I have most definitely gone from bones to wings and I didn't even notice.

100 Day Challenge - Day 47 - The Magic Question

2009-09-17T07:36:00.002+10:00

Richard turned to me in frustration and said "It really annoys me that the last mail pick up is at 3pm in the afternoon. My morning's are really busy and I don't get to respond to my correspondence until the afternoon but I am never finished by the time the mail is picked up so I am always a day behind. This place is so frustrating!"

So I asked the magic question ..."What would you like instead?"

"That's easy" he said" I'd like the mail to be picked up at 4.30pm."

"Why is that important to you?" I asked

"Because I could get all my work done in the afternoon, sent in the mail that day and my clients would recieve a speedy response from me".

"So go ahead and ask" I said "but instead of saying what you don't want, ask for what you want instead and why."

Richard phoned Alan and instead of saying how annoyed he was about the present situation he said "Hey Alan, I was wondering if we could change the time the courier picks up the mail in the afternoon to a later time. I am finding it difficult to get all my mail ready by 3pm so a 4.30pm final pick up would really help me out."

"No problem" said Alan, "I'll phone the courier service and get that fixed up for you right away".

If Richard had picked up the phone and said "Hey Alan, I am really frustrated about the stupid rule that the last mail pick up is at 3pm, please sort this out" Alan would have felt criticised as well as being responsible for trying to come up with the right solution that would make Richard happy. Alan's response to Richard would have been totally different.

The magic is in asking the Universe/God, yourself and others "what would I like instead? and why?"

~~I am really cross that I am carrying more weight than I'd like because I've haven't been on plan~~
I would love to feel at peace with my body, to appreciate it's beauty and eat in a healthy sustainable way so that I can be happy and joyful right here and right now.

~~It is destructive and self limiting to react badly to a number on the scales and I wish I didn't do it.~~
I would love to weigh myself without an emotional reaction to the number because it would allow me to be appreciative for my progress and give me feedback on my body's reaction to my choices.

~~It drives me crazy when you leave your room all messy because you get cranky when you have to spend the weekend cleaning it up.~~
I would love it if you would pick up your clothes, make your bed and pack away your books in the mornings before you go to school so that you have a relaxing, welcoming space to come home to and you won't have to spend the weekend tidying up a big mess because you will have done a small amount each day.

~~It is really disappointing that you have made a careless mistake in the estimate and your client is going to be charged more than he expected when he gets the final invoice~~
I think it would really help you out if you could get someone else to check your estimates before you send them because someone else will be able to see your work with fresh eyes and spot any accidental mistakes. I am happy to do it if you'd like. Then your clients will be amazed at your accuracy and attention to detail when their invoice matches the estimate exactly.

What would YOU like instead? and why is it important to you (or to them)?
Give it a try with you family, friends and co-workers, see what happens and then try it on yourself.

Imagine how wonderful it is going to be when you get what you want ...

100 Day Challenge - Day 48 - In an Instant

2009-09-16T05:00:00.005+10:00

It can happen in an instant ...

Love at first sight
One moment in time and your life is transformed forever
Your world changes in a heartbeat and the change is permanent

A tragic accident
One moment in time and your life is transformed forever
Your world changes in a heartbeat and the change is permanent

A single decision to pick up the phone and talk to a stranger
One moment in time and your life is transformed forever
Your world changes in a heartbeat and the change is permanent

It only takes a second for your life to change. It doesn't have to be struggle, hard work, determination or white knuckle willpower. Sometimes change happens in an instant.

And when it does, decide to hold on to the good things for as long as they last, and choose to let the bad things simply fade away. There are no guarantees that anything is forever, but the miracle of transformed thoughts and renewed attitudes can be as permanent as that feeling you still have when you look into your partner's eyes.

100 Day Challenge - Day 49 - Triumphant Tuesday

2009-09-15T20:45:00.001+10:00

Tuesdays are bad days, and typically binge days. I have 2 meetings at 11.00am and noon that bore me to tears and make me frustrated and cranky. I don't need to be there except for show.

Tuesdays are also the day I have my weekly meeting with my boss at 4pm. Although we get on quite well most of the time, when it comes to our weekly meetings I feel like a naughty school girl in the principals office. He never compliments me but just points out my shortcomings and makes me feel useless.

Snacking normally commences about 2pm as my crankiness turns into anxiety. My meeting with my boss always runs over so I get home late from work and I am starving for dinner. After another crappy Tuesday at the coal face, I fall face first into food.

Today was different [even though I have a semi-migraine today to add to the mix]

♥ I felt the frustration and anger in the first meeting and sat through it (the emotions and the meeting)
♥ I chose not to stay for the second meeting because I needed to eat more than I needed to sit through the meeting
♥ I scheduled another meeting from 2pm to 3.30pm that was walking the route of a planned event so I was (a) active, (b) with people I liked and (c) not required to concentrate or think too hard
♥ I went to my meeting with the boss and it was the usual crap but I chose to let as much of it as possible just slide off me
♥ On the way to the ferry one of my co-workers who I rarely speak to (because we work in different areas not because I don't like her LOL) congratulated me on my decision to go on extended leave and to take time out for myself. She is one of the very few people who understand why I am doing this. Her support made me feel great.
♥ I had healthy nachos for dinner - rice crackers, sweet chilli sauce, chicken, baked veges and cheese melted on top with sour cream - I had twice the number of crackers (a whopping 50g ☺) and 1/2 the chicken I normally have. Yum!
♥ Then I treated myself to dessert - dates and ice-cream and then I stopped. Dates have been my new trigger food - once a packet (500g) is open, I keep going until they are gone. Do you know how many calories in a 500g packet of dates? ... 1300 big ones!
♥ I made a new friend on the other side of the world and we chatted for an hour

So today was triumphant Tuesday. Let's celebrate this miracle and look forward to many more.

100 Day Challenge - Day 50 - Pirates Council

2009-09-14T08:43:00.001+10:00

Happy Pirates Council check in day for Phase 5. We are now half way through this challenge. How are you going?

My check in :
In the past ten days I have made wonderful progress with my thought processes around food. My binges have become shorter and less intense and are primarily just overeating and not gorging until I feel sick.

I am now getting some help with my issues through a miracle of the universe. Through one simple email, I have connected with Dr R. who has a great deal of experience in dealing with disordered eating through prolonged dieting. She is teaching me how to enjoy being fit, lean and healthy and how to confront my issues head on. I cannot begin to tell you how much of relief it is not to have to carry this burden on my own anymore. I am on an intensive program that will transform my life. Stay tuned for insights and ephiphanies!

And remember -- you are beautiful and special just the way you are right now. Give yourself the gift of care and attention because your imperfection is your greatest asset.

And don't forget -- it's 7 days until International Talk Like a Skinny Bones 100 Day Challenge Pirate Day. On September 19 all blog posts must be in pirate speak.

100 Day Challenge - Day 51 - Recap and Prepare for the Pirates Council

2009-09-13T21:38:00.001+10:00

Phase Five Recap -- Mutiny

If you missed Phase One you can find it here.
If you missed Phase Two you can find it here.
If you missed Phase Three you can find it here.
If you missed Phase Four you can find it here.

Day 59 - The Struggle
Have you resolved the struggle between the opposing forces inside of you?

Day 58 - Wordless Sunday
What does your week look like in pictures?

Day 57 - Issuing the Right Commands
Does your crew understand what you need when the winds are blowing?

Day 56 -Re-Invent the Past - Mid Point Challenge
Did you go back to something in the past you had forgotten about that gave you pleasure?

Day 55 - I can't get no Satisfaction
Do you prefer big meals or small? Are you connected with your hunger?

Day 54 - Walk the Plank
Have you walked the plank yet?

Day 53 - What Would You do if it Wasn't Impossible?
If you didn't want something that felt impossible, what would you just get on and do?

Day 51 - I Haven't Forgotten
Did you spend all your weekend making a new friggin' blog template with your new computer? I didn't think so!

Day 51 - Prepare for the Fifth Pirates Council
Day 60 marks the completion of Phase Five and the fifth Pirates Council. This post (the one you are reading now) reviews the highlights of this phase. You can catch up now if you have missed anything.

Tomorrow I will post my official Phase Five check in. If you are finishing Phase Five with me, or are close enough then you can add your information by commenting ON TOMORROW'S POST (it will help me if it is all in one place):

Check in information is:

your milestones - e.g. weight loss, inches/cm lost, days without bingeing, physical improvements
your victory over the Pirate of Powerlessness
your intention for the next 10 days

Day 50 - See you tomorrow at the Pirate Council for Phase Five and the start of Phase Six - Leaky Boat.

Heave Ho Me Hearties ... We're half way through ♥

100 Day Challenge - Day 52 - And You Thought I'd Forgotten!

2009-09-12T19:57:00.006+10:00

Drive by blogging on the run today ☺

1. I bought a new computer today because I was running a screen and keyboard/mouse off a really old laptop and it kept crashing and going super S- L-O-W. I am now the proud owner of some new Dell tower thingo [Inspiron 545s] with Vista that flies like the wind!

2. I don't like my blog template at all any more, I want something funky and arty. I am going to strip back all my widgets and probably rename it.

3. Happy birthday Liz - love you ♥

4. A woman who is self-reliant, positive, optomistic, and undertakes her work with the assurance of success magnetizes her condition. She draws to herself the creative powers of the universe. ~ Norman Vincent Peal

Thin Enough to go to the Gym?

What's been happening for the past two years

The Facts of Life

Unrestrained Joy

The Creature and the Computer

Stage 1 ~ Pre-Contemplation ~ The Creature and the Computer

Deprived of Connection and Belonging

Body Whispering

Stage 1 ~ Pre-Contemplation ~ Body Whispering

Famine Brain ~ The Fattening Way to Lose Weight

Stage 1 ~ Pre-Contemplation ~ Famine Brain

Eat Less, Move More ~ Just Do It!

Introduction to The 4-Day Win by Martha Beck

To the 130 People Reading This in Google Reader

This is the FINAL POST

Fat Talk Free Week

Birthday Booty

All You Need Is Forgiveness, Love and Gratitude

emBODY Your Dreams

The Walk

Do You Want It Bad Enough?

Why Failure is Better than Success

The Freaky Shit

Love the Seaweed

Crashed and Burned

How To Be Healthy Without Being Control-Freaky

What Has Changed in Three Short Weeks?

Chasing the Dream

Wordless Sunday

Beauty is Not How Skinny You Can Be

Why Goal Setting is Harmful Part II

What is Real?

10 Reasons Why Goal Setting is Harmful

Operation Beautiful

What is Your Likelihood of Weight Loss Success ~ Take this Quiz

Gratitude #101

Reframing #102

Reframing #101

Weight Mastery ~ It's Like Learning to Dance

The Universe Speaks Again

The Next Step ~ Your Very Own Lifestyle Coach

Let Your Light Shine from the Inside

Taking the First Step

A New Paradigm - Self Care, Here and Now

100 Day Challenge - Day 41 - Help ! The Sky has Fallen

100 Day Challenge - Day 42 - I Was the Most Beautiful

100 Day Challenge - Day 43 - Get Some Meditation in Your Guts

What Would I Like Instead?

A Confession : I Have an Eating Disorder

100 Day Challenge - Day 44 - Hunger Torches the Fat

100 Day Challenge - Day 45 - It's Our Special Pirates' Day

100 Day Challenge - Day 46 - Why Calories are not the Whole Story

From Bones to Wings

100 Day Challenge - Day 47 - The Magic Question

100 Day Challenge - Day 48 - In an Instant

100 Day Challenge - Day 49 - Triumphant Tuesday

100 Day Challenge - Day 50 - Pirates Council

100 Day Challenge - Day 51 - Recap and Prepare for the Pirates Council

100 Day Challenge - Day 52 - And You Thought I'd Forgotten!

100 Day Challenge - Day 53 - What Would I Do if it Wasn't Impossible?

100 Day Challenge - Day 54 - The Plank Was Walked

100 Day Challenge - Day 55 - I Can't Get No Satisfaction

100 Day Challenge - Day 56 - Mid Point Challenge - Re-invent the Past

100 Day Challenge - Day 57 - Issuing the Right Commands

100 Day Challenge - Day 58 - Wordless Sunday

100 Day Challenge - Day 59 - The Struggle

100 Day Challenge - Day 60 - The Pirates Council

100 Day Challenge - 60 is Better than 0

100 Day Challenge - Day 61 - Phase Four Recap and Prepare for the Pirates Council

100 Day Challenge - Day 62 - Walk the Plank - Make a Start

100 Day Challenge - Day 63 - Empowering Beliefs

100 Day Challenge - Day 64 - Limiting Beliefs

100 Day Challenge - Day 65 - Finding Balance

100 Day Challenge - Day 66 - Mid Point Challenge - Words of Wisdom

100 Day Challenge - Day 67 - All Hands to the Pumps

100 Day Challenge - Day 68 - The Pros and Cons

100 Day Challenge - Pirate Queen - Lizzy [Nerd Girl]

100 Day Challenge - Day 69 - Phase Four Underway

100 Day Challenge - Day 70 - The Pirates Council

100 Day Challenge - Day 71 - Phase Three Recap and Prepare for the Pirates Council