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Friday, 30 May 2008

Nightmare

I used to sometimes have nightmares that I had eaten all the unhealthy processed food I could get my hands on. When I woke up, I would be relieved that it was just a dream.

For the last two mornings I have woken up and realised that it was, in fact, reality.

I have been eating so much crap over the past two days, it is rather frightening. I do fine all day long, but once I get home at night I can't stop eating. I eat my healthy dinner and then spend the rest of the night in the kitchen eating whatever rubbish I can get my hands on.

I was going to say that I am unable to stop myself. But of course, no one is forcing it down my throat, I am doing this to myself. I am sitting here this morning still feeling stuffed from last night's episode.

I am terrified that all my self control has gone and that I will undo all the hard work of the last 4 months in a matter of days.

I can't use the excuse that I have been starving myself as 1400-1500 is not a severe low calorie diet. I know all the standard advice - forgive yourself and start afresh today, this is normal and will pass soon, you won't get fat from 2 bad days, listen to your body, set a new goal, get rid of all the trigger food in the house, take one day at a time, blah bah blah - and none of it is working.

If I were to blame everything else rather than myself I would remind myself that
- my period is now 9 days overdue
- I just delivered one of the biggest events ever yesterday comparatively unprepared as my focus has not been at work these last few weeks
- I didn't allow myself any rest and have been in the gym every day this week
- my expectations of staying on plan were totally unreasonable
- I'm physically and emotionally exhausted

I sort of expected this to happen (which may be part of the problem) but I didn't think it would be this bad. I am having a rest from the gym today and maybe a rest from "diet" food - no protein powder, no egg whites, no giant salads. Maybe I'll have cereal for breakfast, sandwich for lunch, meat and veggies for tea with some fruit in between. Maybe I won't and will try again to eat 5 small meals with equal protein and carbs. Why does food rule my life? This is bollocks!

6 comments:

  1. Hey there, I only just found your blog this week. Have read it all, congratulations. I too like most competitors go through this post comp. I have no advice, it sucks, but thankfully you do get over it (or at least control is restored). Don't beat yourself up too much it only makes it worse. But do stop eating everything you won't by next week! I totally lost control for 2 weeks after my first comp and it took me about 2 months to even get my head back in the game to compete again - but I did!

    Congratulate yourself, you have come a long way! Reward yourself with something other than food once you've had what ever you want.

    Best of luck. It's a struggle. But you're strong - all us figure girls are.

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  2. HI KAtie,

    Congrats on getting up there on that stage ! Great job!
    The plan for food for today of cereal, a sandwhich and just plain old wholesome food sounds like a great plan.

    Andjxx

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  3. Sucks doesn't it?! But you still rock lady!!! xN

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  4. Anonymous11:45 am

    Hang tough girlie!!! You have overcome much more than this. This is minor and you are strong strong strong! Next time you go shopping you'll be sick of the crap and will be back to buying and eating what you find most comfortable. Fear not.

    CJ

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  5. Katie, this is the hardest part for me. Dieting is a breeze compared to having to restrain myself after comp when all I want to do is eat. Click the 'post comp' label on my sidebar for some suggested strategies. Best wishes, C

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  6. Hi Katie,

    what you're going through is totally normal. Its like the body is fighting that really low level of body fat and its flooding you with the "urge to refeed". I had it REALLY BAD and struggled with it for a long time. (Hence no comps for me this year). It'll pass. If you're still working with Liz she will be a great help with good sound solid advice.

    Hang in there. You'll get through it. We all do.

    XX Magda

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