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Saturday, 19 August 2006

Control Freak

After feeling so damn confident, proud of myself and indestructible for the last 10 weeks, I have come unstuck.

The reason, a hideous flu that is making exercise impossible, and has brought back all those desires for comfort eating.

So what have I eaten today - muffins, rice pudding, potato chips and a mars bar.

But guess what - I still haven't eaten up all of my 18 points because I made all these things [except the mars bar!] myself from my favourite staples - low calorie maple syrup, no point apricot jam, brown rice, oven roasted potatoes and the mars bar was fun size lite.

So I did good - but I still don't feel good. I think most of all it is the exercise I am missing. After all my ravings about not becoming obsessed with working out, I think I am addicted to it. All that research about endorphines must be true - either that or I am missing the feeling of having a fit and strong body - instead of have a snotty nose, a temperature and a stupid cough.

I want to eat chocolate, in fact I just ate another mars bar lite while I was typing this. I guess I just hate not being in control - oh that's me - control freak !!

What is the point of this post? I don't know ... except maybe I have to recognise that I am not indestructible, I am not better than everyone else, I am merely human and when things get tough, I have the same battles as everyone else. Winning those battles doesn't always make you feel good, especially if you feel like crap to start with ...

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