Yesterday was a bad day. I ate about 25 points which is huge for me. And the worse thing is I don't really know why.
I did feel crappy all day and mildly depressed so I went for the comfort food and lots of it. This is weird because I know that food doesn't make you feel any better if you feel like crap to start with. But I managed to eat all the same.
There is progress though because today is a new day and I've woken up without much of an appetite and I normally wake up starving.
I have decided to only start eating today when I feel hungry and to concentrate on fruit, veges and whole grains. I know skipping breakfast is not good, but I am listening to my body which is still trying to process all that rubbish from yesterday. Surely one day won't hurt.
I will also go to a yoga class today. I love exercise and I find yoga helps me get in touch with my body more than anything else. If I run I find I zone out rather than paying attention to a mind/body connection. It is good to trust your body and give it what it needs rather than what your head just wants.
I feel like an alcoholic who has been on a binge - hung over and disappointed in my lack of control. Fortunately, one slip up doesn't mean the end of this journey. It just maybe strengthens my resolve to do better. 24 hours of crap eating compared to 12 weeks of good healthy choices is merely a blip on the radar.
Sitting here this morning, I can't believe that I did it. Seems like a bad dream - or that I was possessed by a force that wasn't me. But it was me, no-one else is inside my head, no-one else kept going back to the kitchen again and again to get another 'treat'.
There are values, ethics and morals in our lives that come naturally to us. I wouldn't physically hurt someone, or intentionally hurt someone's feelings. That is part of my moral fibre. I don't wake up every morning and have to choose to do the right thing, I just do it because there is no choice.
I need to find this place in relation to how I treat my own body. I must naturally be kind to my body and treat it with respect - treat it like a beautiful, delicate, precious vessel and not a garbage disposal unit. This should not just be a choice I have to make every day, or at every meal, this should just be the way I am. Maybe that's how those naturally thin folk do it.