Popular thinking around weight loss and maintenance states that in order to succeed you must have a support system. Your significant other, kids, friends, weight loss support group are needed to help you on your journey.I think it would be nice to have a support group cheering me on, but I don't.
I am a true introvert and don't have friends that I can discuss my weight loss with. I don't go to WW anymore and my husband ...
Well let me tell you about him ...
He tries, bless him, but he loves his food and he still equates feeding me with demonstrating his love for me [God forbid he would just say it!!]. So he loves to bring me food as a present. In the old days I used to get woken up to McDonalds hotcakes for breakfast, or ham and cheese croissants. He loves to cook big, hearty, comforting food for me. I have never been a "foodie" and until my mid life crisis, I didn't even think about it too much. Hence, I never cooked - couldn't be bothered, so he was [and is] the chef around here.
So in his defence he has tried to do low fat for me and now he is trying to do low carb meals. He does say that he is so confused about what is good and bad food for me that he's close to giving up. We do eat independently a lot [he cooks his, I cook mine] but I am subjected to temptation quite often.
Diet experts call this type of person a saboteur and even suggest that I should get rid of this person out of my life altogether. Not a chance folks!
Mr Katie doesn't think my new fit body is an improvement on the heavier version -- he told me tonight that there is one person he would leave me for -- Nigella Lawson. Yes, that is his perfect woman -- curved and culinary!! and that's not me anymore [the curved bit]. He's a breast man who adores voluptuous women, the type I used to be.
Do I think he'll leave me for someone fatter? [I bet you don't hear that very often!!]. Of course not, but if he did, it wouldn't be my fault. It would be his choice. I am sure he loves me no matter what I look like just as I love him even though he doesn't look like _____ [insert sexy bodybuilders name here - ummm I don't know any].
So part of the deal that comes with marriage is meeting each other half way. He makes sure there are enough eggs for breakfast, he cooks lots of veges and chicken, he buys expensive fish as a treat but he also offers me chips, sausage rolls, rum and coke and all the other things he is eating. He has never said "you look better now than you did before", and he has never said "should you be eating that?"
So I don't have a support system ... and I have a saboteur in my life. But I don't care. This is for me, and me alone.
Besides, I actually do have a virtual group of friends who help me through the tough times. They come from all over the world, they have good days and bad days, they are fat and thin, they are fitness freaks and couch potatoes, some have amazing challenges they face everyday that make my struggles seem pathetic. Of course I mean the community of Bloggers I visit everyday. You let me know I am not alone, that I am not mental, that I don't have an eating disorder, that this is "normal" for people like us. People who live in the real world, with real lives, and real struggles -- that's who we are.
Support is great, but to be brutal, I am the only person who decides to work out, puts food in my mouth, and decides what my internal monologue is. No virtual or actual support system can do any of that for me. I need to do that for myself. So that is what I am doing. All by myself!!
I have no one - no one but my therapist I guess - to talk to in real life either - not about food anyway.
ReplyDeleteBut I do have resources - people that I can ask nutrition questions, etc.
And I have a few thin friends that I can ask odd questions - like will my jeans fit you - and - what size do you wear - and - how much do you weigh - and - what does your stomach look like under your shirt - and they tell and show me so that I have a means of comparison.
Have you ever tried a list of your "okay" food? I have switched gears so many times that my husband was confused too. so, I made him a list - type of food and how much of each (serving) and he found this very helpful.
Hi I've just come across your blog and I love it. You talk commonsense.
ReplyDeleteI have the same problem with my DH but I wouldn't trade him for anything either.
Last year I based most of my winter diet on cutting out carbs. It worked and made me maintain. The last couple of weeks I've been telling myself I need to get back to that place. Now I will.
Hi Im new to reading your blog also but am loving what you have to say, My husband is supportive but also gets a little confused about what Iam doing eating wise( as I change so often at the moment)but he says he loves me regardless 0f size. have a great day
ReplyDeleteSounds like you've got a gem there! Hold on to him!!
ReplyDeleteI also really have no support. I do ahve 1 friend that I see once or twice a month, but that's it.
When I did have a support system, I was fat. Now that I don't I'm still fat, but not so much.
I think you hit it on the head, you have to do this for yourself!!! It's what we tell drug addicts, and it's what we tell smokers, and it's what we all need to understand to. All the support in the world isn't going to help if your heart isn't in it!
Katie,
ReplyDeleteAnd your doing a great job at that.
But yes you DO have a support system, it is right here in your comments section of your various posts and any other online conversations!!
I have tried to talk dieting and weight loss (aka low carb) with my best friend before but she never takes me seriousely, hardy har. Probably best or I'd be in her ear all the time LOL :D
Sherrie is right -- all you amazing people who stop by and leave comments are my support system. When I get up in the morning the first thing I do is check for comments from my friends who are in different time zones and then again when I get home from work. You do all made me feel special, offer great suggestions and moral support -- thanks!!
ReplyDeleteK xxx
Let your husband do all the husband stuff LOL and we will do the support stuff! hehe :D
ReplyDeleteHoney---I love your candor---
ReplyDeleteas for your hubby---he's a keeper warts and all----my hubby dumped me for a chubby woman---but that is his problem---I got thinner for me. And you are so right about you being the one in charge----all the support in the world ain't gonna control your fork---only you can do that.
I wish we lived closer!
ReplyDeleteI yearn for someone who I could ramble on with about exercise and fitness, without being thought of as someone from another world.
Virtual support will have to be it - how lucky we are to have the internet!
Lisa