... I have an addictive eating problem!
Yes folks, I am a healthy body weight and yet that doesn't satisfy me -- why? because my eating is still out of control after two years of focusing on losing weight.
Some of you already get this -- I'm a little slow.
The reason I am not happy at a healthy weight is because I don't feel like I've achieved anything. I am still binging, still having episodes of mindless eating, still feeling like food controls me.
So no more recording my success in weight loss terms. Frankly, I am probably aiming for a goal I will never reach unless I return to the formula which got me to 57kg in the first place -- and screwed my metabolism -- eating too little and exercising too much.
So my new focus is on controlling my eating. I will not gauge my success on what the scales say everyday. I will be successful if I ate good food in reasonable portions. My self esteem will be dependent on my behaviour not on my outward appearance. I cannot control what the scales say, but I can control what goes into my mouth!
This month will not be about the last 5 kgs, it will be about overcoming my addictive behaviour around food. In the spirit of this new way of life, I can report that yesterday was a great day. I ate vegies and protein, no diet coke and didn't snack after dinner. No wandering into the kitchen looking for something to put in my mouth all night.
My new goal is to eat real healthy food that nurtures and respects my body [how can carrots be banned because they are high carb? Insanity!]. To stop the abuse that deep fried food, white flour and sugar do to my body. To eat when I have planned meals and stop eating when I've eaten a "normal" amount of good food [I have been known to overeat even good food]. I will control how and when I eat -- food will just be my fuel and not my medicine when I am sad, bored or happy. I will become the kind of person that has a normal, healthy relationship with normal quantities of natural unprocessed food.
The obsession ends HERE.