White Space

At yoga tonight, whilst relaxing in child pose after a shoulder stand, I realised something. The joy of yoga is not in the stretch, the concentration, the awareness of the body above all else, it is in the moments in between poses. It is the feeling the effect of the pose on the body after it is complete.

It's like when people say they hate exercise, but they love how they feel afterwards.

It got me thinking about how I lift weights and how I do my cardio. I concentrate on the pain and effort and gloss over the spaces in between. Sometimes, I don't even bother with "rests" and just use the time to do another exercise -- supersetting I think it is called.

So from tomorrow I am going to slow down, and enjoy the spaces in between the effort. Even when I do my cardio, I am going to run and then slow down my walk intervals instead of power walking at fast as I can.

I have realised that I push everything all the time. I am not good at relaxing or enjoying the stillness. The other day I was giving myself the "what is life all about?" talking to. I was thinking I should be doing more -- I don't know, making a difference, changing the world, working on some big project, leaving a legacy. A friend said that the meaning of life is just "being".

I need to just BE ... alive in this moment here and now. Not thinking about the past and planning for the future, just being who I am right now.

The striving needs to be balanced by reflection -- that sounds like another task.

The striving needs to be balanced by ... nothing. I need more of ... nothing. It's OK to just exist from moment to moment sometimes. Every second needn't be productive.

My weight is still up -- but I think there's a kilo of boobs and a kilo of bloat going on from the pill. The question is -- can I live with bigger breasts and a rounder belly in exchange for relief from hormone hell 2 weeks out of 4?

At this moment I don't even need to decide. At this moment I don't need to do anything except "be". I release my ego, my need to control everything, and I'll let the universe decide.

Besides, my fabulous body is ordered and on it's way, so there's no point in trying to make a temporary version out of play dough and lollipop sticks "just in case" :)

I have worked and worked on my body for over two years. I have never taken any time to enjoy how that work has made me feel. I need to relax in child pose because God help me I've been in a shoulder stand for way too long.

Focus on the white space ... can you see the butterfly in the picture?