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Wednesday, 7 May 2008

T Minus 18

Weight: 56.4 (124lb)
Yesterday's Food : You have used 1351 out of your net daily budget of 1400 calories and have 49 calories remaining. 16% of the calories are from fat, 39% from protein, 45% from carbs
Exercise : RPM
1 hour 18 min : 648 calories : 166 max hr : 128 average hr

I have a dysfunctional relationship with the scales. I adore seeing the numbers going down each day, so when I get close to goal, I start to panic. Once you get to goal, the daily thrill of decreasing numbers is taken away. It is not quite the same staring at the same number everyday. I can't get my head around celebrating a stable number.

And to make matters worse, I have to prepare myself to start dealing with the number going up every day in less than 3 weeks time.

This love affair with smaller numbers is something I need to change. It is probably why I had a binge on Sunday. I don't want to be finished this exciting roller coaster of dropping weight. I don't want to get to the end of it. Losing scale weight is an intoxicating adrenalin rush. Not healthy I know. It is disordered thinking at best and the slippery slope to something else at worst.

Today I am disappointed that I didn't lose more weight overnight. Intellectually I know it doesn't mean anything but emotionally I am secretly panicked that I've have actually gained more than a kilo of fat from overeating. And don't even suggest that I stop weighing myself everyday ... can't do it.

4 comments:

  1. Katie, I understand where your coming from. Im sorry I dont have the answer, if I did I would have been off the rollercoaster years ago.
    XXX

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  2. Babe

    I'm still hovering too on scales. Not what I want to see 9 days out! Go down bugger you.

    Have a great day.

    Luv Shelley

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  3. Tried to comment earlier but somehow the comment didnt save. Nightmare, it was a long one.

    Basically wanted to say that I can relate to this post so much.
    I struggle when I'm not losing weight. This week, there are so many of my mates and other bloggers losing that I have decided to go another kilo lower just so that I can get the adrenaline rush that everyone is getting with losing. Nightmare.

    Also, getting on the scales every single morning is something that i do and have done for the past 2 years and it is this alone that has kept me on track. It keeps me well below the number that I am terrified of going over. And it works.

    Take it easy babe, just do what is comfortable for you. Everyone (whether they want to admit it or not) has some form of disordered way of thinking or behaving around food. I guess being aware of it is a huge thing, living in denial would be awful.

    I think what I am saying is know your limits - and hell, you do know your limits babes, you are honest enough to blog about them every day.
    SX

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  4. Katie - what do the scales say in relation to body fat? Perhaps its muscle gain which would be ideal. It is unlikely that in your one off day you consumed an additional10,000 calories to be stored as fat....

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