I just received an email from a friend who reminded me that I don't have to be positive and perfect all the time. It is OK to be human - so here is the unbridled truth.
I am copying word for word what I wrote to my friend in my email. I am doing this because it doesn't seem authentic to only share the good stuff with you all. I am tired of censoring what I really feel ... why I felt it necessary to keep putting on a brave face is beyond me.
So here is the raw, real and hurting Katie.
I have been overeating rubbish and feeling fat, sick and out of control. It has finally reduced me to tears. I am so disappointed in myself.
But it stops here. I am the only one who has control of this. I have been thinking about the dialogue that has been going on in my head ... and it is all negative.
So the crap self talk needs to stop. The reason I did so well pre-comp is because I believed without a shadow of a doubt that I could do it. Now, I keep telling myself I can't do it anymore because of a whole lot of bullshit excuses.
I am no longer going to wallow in self pity because I can't eat what I want. I want to be lean and healthy more than I want rocky road (on a good day anyway).
My period was due yesterday so I am sure most of this is hormonal. As they say ... this too shall pass.
I have eaten well today (and did an RPM class which is an easy choice anyway) and all I have to do, is do well one day at a time.