I just received an email from a friend who reminded me that I don't have to be positive and perfect all the time. It is OK to be human - so here is the unbridled truth.
I am copying word for word what I wrote to my friend in my email. I am doing this because it doesn't seem authentic to only share the good stuff with you all. I am tired of censoring what I really feel ... why I felt it necessary to keep putting on a brave face is beyond me.
So here is the raw, real and hurting Katie.
I have been overeating rubbish and feeling fat, sick and out of control. It has finally reduced me to tears. I am so disappointed in myself.
But it stops here. I am the only one who has control of this. I have been thinking about the dialogue that has been going on in my head ... and it is all negative.
So the crap self talk needs to stop. The reason I did so well pre-comp is because I believed without a shadow of a doubt that I could do it. Now, I keep telling myself I can't do it anymore because of a whole lot of bullshit excuses.
I am no longer going to wallow in self pity because I can't eat what I want. I want to be lean and healthy more than I want rocky road (on a good day anyway).
My period was due yesterday so I am sure most of this is hormonal. As they say ... this too shall pass.
I have eaten well today (and did an RPM class which is an easy choice anyway) and all I have to do, is do well one day at a time.
I was once told, you don't have to be perfect - only good enough!
ReplyDeleteHi Katie,
ReplyDeleteNegative self talk can be such a hard habit to break. Especially when you are feeling like rubbish and blaming yourslef for being at that point. You did the right thing by taking that step and going to RPM and having a great day. Congratulate yourself and remember and celebrate how good it feels.
Andjxx
Katie....I am really feeling for you. I know it is so, so hard to be kind to yourself when you feel you are not "performing" at your peak but you said it yourself....it is "one day at a time".
ReplyDeleteYou have done so well with your journey....you inspire me everyday to be the best I can be....not the best in the world....just the best that I can be.
Your "mojo" will return but know that you are most certainly still doing very well...you still exercise regularly and maintain a healthy lifestyle...even if there are a few extra treats thrown in! I really think many people are struggling with winter anyway so you are not alone.
xx