Monster Mash Shoulder Smash

I am sick of my pissant little shoulders and I wasn't feeling very energetic when I got to the gym rather late this morning so I devised a new shoulder workout. My shoulders are now ON FIRE.

Warning: I am not a personal trainer, have barely been trained by a personal trainer so I know absolutely nothing about whether this is safe or effective. I just like being creative in the gym.

Phase One
Triple Sets - step away from the big boys weights and go get a couple of silver ones from the girly part of the gym. Trust me.

Important - stand with your back against the wall with your shoulder blades in contact with the wall at all times. The only thing you are working is your deltoids. Focus on lifting without using your arms (I know this is impossible but pretend only your shoulder muscles are doing any work).

(a) Front - front raises - single arm - without resting the non working arm (HOLD it off your thigh while the other arm works). Push the arm down, don't let gravity take over (I imagine I'm pushing down through wet concrete for some bizarre reason)
(b) Side - straight arm lateral raises - without resting at the bottom and pushing on the way down. Keep your back and shoulder blades pressed against that wall!
(c) Rear - standing bent over side raises - again tension all the way through without resting at the bottom

Do 5 repetitions of (a) then (b) then (c) before resting for as short a period as possible. Do 8 sets.

Notice your strongest area (me = rear delts) and the weakest (me = side delts) and promise yourself you'll fix this by favouring your weakest area in future sessions (if not today). I believe the goal is for them all to be equally strong.

Phase Two
Whatever other 3 shoulder exercises you feel like in single sets 5 reps x 8 sets. You might have to scale back your usual weights as your deltoids are a bit fried by now.

Overhead press 5 x 8
Cable front raises 5 x 8
Rack pulls with shoulder emphasis (shoulder roll and scapula squeeze at the top - probably highly dangerous but I get my best shoulder workout with deadlifts so I thought I just concentrate on the end bit) 5 x 8

Abs or lower back 5 x 8 (whichever is weaker)

Phase Three
Do some high intensity interval training while you can (you still have fresh legs), find the machine right in front of the airconditioning unit and discover you can go longer and faster when you are cool.

Phase Four
Stagger home with shoulders on fire, a drenched singlet and a smile on your face.

I'm glad I didn't skip it. I'll let you know tomorrow if I can't feel my arms!