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Monday, 16 March 2009

Share the Joy

For some reason when I start to visibly drop body fat and to move from Stage 2 to Stage 3 I get frightened.

I am not really sure what I am frightened of. Why do I feel fear at the time when I am seeing the most changes?

Fear is anxiety about what the future will bring. I think about the worst things that could happen to me.

I fear that people will think I have an eating disorder, that people will think I look unattractive or that I have some sick and strange obsession with my looks.

I also fear that I will love being thin so much that I will only be happy when I am losing more and more weight, or that I will be so hungry that I go on a massive binge and find myself unable to stop. I fear that it will take too long and I won't make it or that I'll lose too much weight and just look stringy and scrawny. I fear that I will be cold and in pain from my bones sticking out. I fear that I will get sick.

So this is me facing the fear and staring it down. I cannot predict what the future will hold. It won't be the same as last time because I am a different person doing it differently. All I have is right now to enjoy the way I eat, train and live and to feel proud of the body I see in the mirror. IF things change, I can either accept what is happening, or deal with the situation.

"Fuck off fear - today I look and feel great and I am not changing a thing because of you. See me sprinting on the treadmill - that's me running you down!!"

I am not interested in just feeling fit and fabulous for just one day this year, my goal is to feel fantastic about the way I look every single day.

And I am definitely achieving that goal. Everything else I'll deal with later if I need to.

1 comment:

  1. That's the way love. Don't you take shit from nothing or no-one.