or I'm So Freakin' Excited Today I Can't Keep My Secret Any Longer
Last year when I competed in my first figure competition, I was completely and utterly focused on that moment when I would stand on stage in the best shape of my life. I was willing to endure the constant exhaustion, overwhelming hunger and crying fits that I had seen other competitors go through. After all, I was tough.
What I didn’t fully understand was that along with the pre-contest pain came the post-contest depression that saw me spiralling into binge eating, gaining back all the weight I had lost and months of feeling like a failure when I couldn’t get my nutrition and training back under control.
The whole experience left me dazed and confused about who I was and what I really wanted.
It would be crazy to put myself through the same thing all over again.
But here I am once again planning on standing on stage in front of hundreds of people with nothing more than ½ metre of fabric and some high heels between me and nakedness.
My secret is that I will be doing this in 2 ½ weeks time at the INBA Brisbane Titles after all.
The reason that I have decided to do this now rather than waiting until I hit some arbitrary scale number is because my perception of competing has completely changed. In fact, there is not much competing involved at all.
When I walk out on stage on May 17 it will not be a competition with myself or anyone else, it will be a public celebration of all the things that have now become a part of my new life.
I will be celebrating the fact that I have been in the best shape of my life – physically, emotionally and mentally – for over a month and that this is just the first month of many more to follow.
I will celebrate the love, support and tuition shared with me by my friends in the bodybuilding world – Shelley S, Nicole P, Fern P, Kerryn W, Jo R, Lindy O and Liz N – that has equipped me with the confidence to ‘be’ who I always wanted to be.
I will celebrate all the decisions I have made and the risks I have taken in the last 6 months that have served me well, as well as the mistakes that have taught me what not to do. I will feel proud that I have formulated a sustainable life plan on my own (with a little help from my friends) by paying attention to what is right for me.
I will show to the world (or as many of them that fit into the auditorium) that I am beautiful, confident and proud. I will be one of the few whose joy, sparkle and enthusiasm have not been drained by weeks of deprivation and over training. I don’t even care much about the post comp dinner because I can’t think of any food I have missed out on.
Competition day is not the end of strict dieting and intense training (because I didn't do any of that to start with!). It is not the achievement of my primary goal, or the pinnacle of my year.
Competition day is merely an opportunity to celebrate with all my friends my renewed love for a healthy life in a lean hot body. It is as significant as a wedding day which marks the formal beginning of a bright, exciting, limitless future as a Figure Athlete that will sometimes challenge me but always delight me.
Now that is what makes all the hard work (past, present and future) absolutely worthwhile.