Why Goal Setting is Harmful Part II

My post on the dangers of goal setting has struck a few nerves. If you interested in a blogtroversy (blogs+controversy - I'm clever at words you know LOL) then read this post and comments from Sue from Ideal Bodies Online, and this post and comments from Liz from The Fitness Solution.

I have been thinking about why the notion of goal setting doesn't work for me and I think there is more to consider.

The most important thing in my life is my husband Mr Katie. I would kill for him and die for him. He is my rock, my soul mate and the greatest source of happiness in my life. We have a wonderful relationship.

If I believed that the goal setting was the way to make significant and lasting improvements I would spend every Sunday afternoon planning how I am going to achieve/maintain a wonderful relationship with Mr Katie during the next 7 day.

1. Specific Goal = Mr Katie and I will have a wonderful loving relationship
2. Measureable = I will know we have a wonderful relationship because Mr Katie will give me 5 compliments, kiss me 14 times, do the washing up on Friday and shag me silly on Tuesday.
3. Actionable = I will be especially nice to him this week, I will make an effort to look beautiful, I will cook him dinner on Tuesday night (ergo he will want to shag me).
4. Realistic = He's never done the washing up on Friday before but I am making this a stretch/challenge goal
5. Timely = To be completed by the end of this week.

On Monday Mr Katie is particularly stressed at work and comes home in a foul mood and doesn't want to talk let alone kiss me or compliment me. I am nice to him but he is so wrapped up in his own problems he doesn't hear me.

On Tuesday I get sick. I have the flu and I stay home from work. My eyes are red, my nose is running and I spend the day in my stained and torn most comfortable track suit pants. I don't cook dinner because I can barely stand up and shagging is out of the question.

On Wednesday and Thursday I stay late at work to catch up on the work that I missed by being sick and Mr Katie's roster means he is in bed by the time I get home. We text each other during the day but we don't get to speak more than a few words.

On Friday night we are both exhausted from a huge week. We decide to go out to dinner on the spur of the moment and while Mr Katie is finishing off some things so he can go out with me, I do the washing up like I usually do.

On Saturday we get to hang out together. During the day have a heated debate about spirituality (he's an atheist and  I believe in a higher power), and spend most of our time in different rooms at opposite ends of the house. Occasionally we pass each other in the hallway or the kitchen and share some interesting thought that has just occurred to us.

On Sunday I sit down to check on my goals for the past week. I have missed every single one -- only 2 compliments, 7 kisses, he didn't do the washing up and we didn't shag. I wasn't always nice, I looked pretty ordinary when I was sick and I didn't cook him a meal.

My relationship is not as wonderful as I thought it was.

I know this is a bit silly but my story illustrates what happens when I apply the business model of performance goal setting to my relationship with my body. Let me say that again in case you missed it. I have a relationship with my body in the same way I have a relationship with my husband.

Goal setting is an artificial constraint that can distort my perception of reality. It would be completely logical to conclude that I had failed to improve my relationship with my husband for that week if I relied on the criteria I had set out in my plan. But you and I know that there is nothing wrong with my marriage.

When I am in a relationship I take the good with the bad. I love my husband unconditionally and I understand that his behaviour and his opinions doesn't alter the fact that he loves me. I know that I don't need to be beautiful or nice or the perfect wife to deserve his love. Neither of us has to change we just have to grow and learn together and be committed to never giving up.

So enough with the goals that prescribe how what I am going to 'do' this week/month/12 weeks to have my 'best body ever'. I am simply committed to being in a relationship with my body by growing, learning and never giving up.

10 Reasons Why Goal Setting is Harmful

Just say NO to this crap!

For decades goal setting has been promoted as the best way to amp up motivation and increase performance. It is as prevalent in the 'health and fitness' industry as it is in the corporate world. Advocates state that you won't achieve any success unless you have S.M.A.R.T (specific, measurable, a? can't remember actionable, realistic, timely) goals.

I disagree. The practice of performance based goal setting is harmful and dangerous and actually makes the process of growing, learning and evolving more difficult. Let's take weight loss (I want to weigh 55kg) as an example.

1.  Goals can focus attention so narrowly that people overlook other important features of a task
Seeing 55kg on the scale is my only focus. I don't notice what effect it has on my health, sleep patterns, sex drive and energy levels. 

2.  Goals focus on short-term targets at the expense of long-term growth
Seeing 55kg on the scale will be possible by x date if I lose 1 kg a week. I can't see that in the process of reaching that goal I am developing long term habits of exercise bulimia and starve/binge eating patterns.

3. Goals are ceilings rather than floors
Once my goal of 55kg is achieved I can relax, rest and pause. The extreme disciplined behaviour I employed to reach that weight is now too difficult to maintain after meeting my target.

4. Goals motivate risk taking
Reaching 55kg may involve the use of fat burners, colonics, laxatives, and water/salt manipulation.

5. Goals lure people into unethical behavior
I might declare that I've reached my goal by either cheating (hello steriods) or misrepresenting my actual performance level (it wasn't quite 55kg but I had a PMT/salty meal/carbs/DOMs which is only water and doesn't count)

6.  Goals inhibit learning
I will stick to the method of weight loss that has worked in the past. I am not likely to explore alternative methods of weight loss which may suit me better when I am pushing to reach my goal by a certain date.

7.  Goals increase competition and feelings of failure
I have reached my goal of 55kg but there are people who have lost weight quicker than I have, more than I have and look better than me. OR
I haven't reached my goal by my target date so I must be useless, worthless, lacking discipline and lazy (let's eat to numb the pain!).

8.  Goals push the stakes higher and higher
I have reached my goal of 55kg and now I need a new goal. It has to 'stretch' me so my next goal will be to lose another 5 kg by the time I run that marathon.

9.  Goals decrease intrinsic motivation
A goal is extrinsic (from without) and while I am focused on achieving my specific outcome I am not motivated by the intrinsic (from within) value of the process itself. I can't stay motivated unless I have the carrot dangling from the stick in front of me.

10. Goals justify excuses for failure in other areas of your life
I can't visit family, I can't go to the school fete with the kids, I can't function properly at work because I am on a diet right now.

So piss off the dangerous habit of goal setting by recognising that it is limiting you achieving your full potential. Striving to achieve a performance target is a fatally flawed method of motivation that causes more harm than good.

So, what would I like instead?

I set my intention to live each day with an open heart, focussed on gratitude, growth, learning and my personal evolution. There is no measurement of quantity/quality, there is no success or failure, and there is no finish line. I am simply aware of my thoughts and actions, evaluating how my choices and decisions impact on my head, heart and health.

A life filled with happiness, peace and joy is not reliant on being 'good enough', 'better/best' or 'taking action'.

Happiness is deeply and completely loving and accepting my uniqueness, individuality and my flawed vulnerability. I can simply 'be'.


Adapted from: Goals Gone Wild - the Systematic Side Effects of Over-Prescribing Goal Setting