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Friday, 30 March 2007

Position Deleted - TWICE!

Where I work, which we shall refer to as euphemistically as the Wh!te Sa!ls Asylum, you don't get the sack. It doesn't matter how crap you are at your job, they won't fire you, they will just restructure, delete your position and make you re-apply for one with a different title. The point of the exercise is to weed out the under-achievers and leave the just the good guys.

If you don't get any of the new jobs, you just hang around indefinitely under the banner of "displaced". We have a whole army of displaced people at the Wh!te Sa!ls Asylum who perform varying degrees of non-jobs, that don't really exist. It's a weird place.

I am about to join this army of displaced personnel, for a brief time anyway. I don't currently inhabit the position I own [my substantive position] as I am acting in a more senior role. Yesterday my substantive and my acting positions were both deleted. Yes, I was deleted not once but twice!!

Am I worried, am I anxious that I won't get one of the newly created roles? Nah -- I expect to be appointed to the more senior job I am acting in. But nothing is sure and certain. Someone could swoop in from anywhere in the world and blow the interview panel away.

Where would that leave me? Without a job -- staring into the face of a non-job? I don't think so. I have enough confidence to know that I would find something else within minutes of stepping out of the glass doors.
I am not successful in my work life because I consciously set out to do my best every day. I am successful because I don't know any other way to work. It is as natural to me as breathing. And because this is just the way I am, without any effort, I know that most people love having me work for them. My faith in my ability eradicates any need for self doubt.

Why is my health and fitness life so different? Why does self doubt dog at my heels every day?

Because this is un-natural to me, this is not instinctive -- it is hard work that I have to choose to do. Every day I have to consciously go against the habits learned over the past 40 years and my genetic preference to carry extra weight.

So my faith in my ability in this arena is rather limited. But it is getting better. As each day, week, month and year passes I feel more confidence. I have beaten some of the odds already. I have lost weight and kept it off for more than 2 years. That makes me in the top 5% of dieters. I now think of myself as someone who exercises -- giving up on working out doesn't seem like an option. Even when I'm old I will walk, do yoga and lift weights. I don't know if I can stay a size 8 forever [especially as menopause is just around the corner] but I am fairly certain that I can be a 10 or a 12 when I'm older.

The day this all becomes second nature to me will be the day I banish the self doubt. That will probably be the day I cease blogging because I won't have anything to muse about.

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