This blog has now moved to head ♥ heart ♥ health

Recent posts from head ♥ heart ♥ health

Wednesday, 25 July 2007

Non-consensual Crack

Today I had an episode with my drug of choice "crack" (otherwise known as sugar). This episode was non-consensual - in other words, I didn't have a choice.

"How could that happen??" I hear you shout in disbelief. Surely no-one forced you, against your will, to put sugar in your mouth??

Well, here is the story -- warning -- foul language follows ...

I have worked at the White Sails Asylum for over 4 years. Almost every morning I get a Diet Coke from the drinks machine on my way to my desk. Over the past few weeks I have transferred to Pepsi Max because it comes in a 300ml bottle (in the machine) unlike Diet Coke which is only in cans.

The fuckwit who loads up the machine decided between yesterday and today to replace the Pepsi Max with straight Pepsi. The fuckwits at Pepsi make the bottles look exactly the same except for the addition of the work "Max" which is impossible to read in a vending machine.

So I merrily got my bottle of Pepsi Max and started drinking it. I thought it tasted a little sweeter than normal, but I have always found it sweeter than DC. About 1/3rd through the bottle I realised I had a strange sugar taste in my mouth. On closer inspection, I WAS DRINKING REAL PEPSI.

Do you have any idea how horrifying that was? There are 70g of carbohydrates in a bottle of Pepsi and 66g of CRACK/sugar. So I estimate I ingested 22g of sugar against my will. I had to deal with a gigantic insulin spike AND I wasted a whole day of fat loss because some dickhead decided to load the vending machine with poison.

I am now starting my own personal revenge campaign against Pepsi. I will never drink any of their products again. If they (Pepsi) knew how much of my money they get from me, they would be worried. I expect their profits will plummet with the loss of my business :)

Coca Cola will benefit by my renewed commitment to them. I can tell the difference between real coke and diet coke on a dark night at 40 paces - they are different colours - the bad stuff is red and the good stuff is white. Hello - Pepsi - different colours people ...

So I'm v. pissed off - I can handle living with the consequences of my own stupid decisions but inadvertently drinking a cocktail of sugar and ... more sugar is not a great way to start a day. I briefly considered putting my fingers down my throat to get rid of the damage but I hate vomiting more than getting fat.

Take home message -- check what you put in your mouth especially if it comes in a package and comes out of a vending machine!! FUCK!!!!


  1. You are too funny. I get such a kick out of you - especially when you are ranting. Loved this posting.

  2. That is hiliarous! LMAO!!! You are a scream girlie. I'm a DC girl all the way. I am going to join your boycott of all things Pepsi...

  3. Anonymous8:44 am

    I hate all fizzy drinks pet, and for that reason havent drank them for 6 years.... I am with you on the sugar thing though, I HATE that sluggish horrid feeling that you get after having had it!!!!
    S x

  4. Anonymous8:27 am

    You know the amazing thing about your posting that you failed to mention? You did not finish drinking the whole can. Fricken amazing.

  5. This reminds me of a little encounter I had with some b-day cheesecake a few days ago. Roy brought home two slices (one for him, I suppose...too bad, I nailed it) for the big day and I happily inhaled both over two days thinking, well, it's my birthday, they're caloric can they be? Turns out, EIGHT HUNDRED CALORIES for the two of 'em. I nearly croaked. I felt so deceived. How can such little slivers be so calorie packed? Fuuuuu*k!!!