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Monday, 5 May 2008

T Minus 20

Weight: Fucked
Yesterday's Food: Fucked
Exercise: Upper Body and Lactate Threshold Intervals
1 hour 31 mins : 717 calories : 172 max hr : 124 average hr

Don't eat a treat unless you are in a happy place. I went completely off the rails. I won't disgust you with the itemised list of non-stop crap that I put in my mouth, suffice to say I am ashamed and pissed off at myself. I am like an alcoholic who can't just have one drink without getting completely smashed.

This morning I feel sick and hungover (a food hangover - I didn't drink!). I didn't go to RPM because I couldn't bear the thought of cheery instructor shouting encouragement. Instead I worked as hard as I could in the gym and ran my legs off on the treadmill.

I don't feel like eating anything at all at the moment but I am going to have breakfast - egg whites and veggies. Lots of green tea and water for me.

I am not a machine. I am a broken human being who fucks up just like everyone else. Luckily for me, yesterday is over and done, and I have this moment and all of today to do things I am proud of.

The most bizarre thing is that my muscles looked amazing in the gym this morning and I am finally warm. I am actually sitting here in my singlet and not freezing.

7 comments:

  1. You nailed it babe, you are human. Big deal, you just get back on track today.
    We need days like this to remind us what it is all about.

    My grand-dad says of hangovers "they make you appreciate feeling well" and I apply that to other stuff too.

    You're doing great babe. Just stick in there.
    HUGS
    S X

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  2. mhmmm sue is 100% right, were all aloud to fuck up, its what we learn and take away from the fuck ups that make them a good thing.
    onwards babes onwards... yesterday is done and dusted, focus on today, tomorrow, next week!

    E xxx

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  3. Ahhh I go out in sympathy with you on the hangover - I totally self sabbotaged myself last Friday in much the same manner. It was disappointing and frustrating. You have done so well Katie and really in the grander scheme of things you know you will get your butt back into it and you will do this. You are such a strong lady.

    Be kind to yourself
    xx

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  4. You know what - I'm convinced the whole constantly cold bit is all about not eating enough - and guess what - sometimes your body NEEDS to be listened to. You gave it what it wanted, a short reprieve/holiday - and it thanked you by pumping up the muscles!
    Now back on track -only 19 more days of this!

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  5. Normal. Normal. Normal.

    Move on and get on with it.

    :-) Magda

    PS (It happens to all of us at some stage - even so close to comp)

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  6. I think what you are calling "fucking up" is giving your body some much needed calories and nutrition. Eating <1400 calories while doing the workouts you are doing is basically semistarvation. I'm not saying this to be dramatic or discouraging, but to help you understand why you are binging and feeling as badly (freezing & tired) as you are. I've been there, and at the time I was totally clueless why this was happening to me because my disordered eating made it difficult for me to understand what normal eating was anymore. I totally thought the amounts I was eating were sufficient (or at least not low ENOUGH to do what was happening).

    If you actually added some calories to your diet in the form of fat and/or protein you would probably feel heaps better and you might even build muscle better.

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  7. Wooo, Katie is preparing for a Figure Comp where body fat loss is the goal. This involves reducing caloric intake a bit but only for a limited period of time. Everyday fit Katie's life will see her eating more and gaining muscle in a few short days.

    Cheers
    Liz N

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