Weight: 55.7kg (122.5lbs)
Yesterday's food: You have used 1429 out of your net daily budget of 1400 calories and have -29 calories remaining. 34% of the calories are from fat, 33% from protein, 33% from carbs
Exercise : Walk
There was a weight spike this morning as a result of a very off plan paleo day yesterday. I ate both breakfast and lunch in restaurants and as a result I had a fatty/salty day with only guesswork in Calorie King. I am not too worried because the jeans I bought last weekend are looser today. Well I am worried a bit ...
Today I am confused and conflicted. I know that my thoughts and opinions following may annoy some people, but I vowed to track my honest feelings through this process.
Today I went to the Sydney Titles of a bodybuilding competition. It was not what I expected. I supposed I should have gone to a competition before I decided to enter one ... yeah ... self evident really. Is this really what I've been working for?
What I saw today was a few competitors (40) and even less spectators participating in the weirdest thing I have ever seen. Perhaps it is because I work in the performance industry, but today's "show" felt to me like it was neither a sporting event or pure entertainment. It was kind of ... painful.
There was, for the most part, no joy, no charisma, no celebration of achievement. There was just tired and hungry competitors contorting their faces into grimaces while their support crew in the audience yelled instructions on how to do it better.
There was hardly anyone who looked like they were having any amount of fun. They just looked like they couldn't wait for it to be over.
I think that I learnt something today. When I stand on that same stage in three weeks time I will celebrate my achievement. I will find joy in finally realising my goal. I won't worry that I'm not lean enough, or big enough or that I'm the only one with stretch marks. In that moment, there won't be anything I can do except enjoy myself and invite the audience to share in my joy.
That would be the same joy I just felt eating a Rocky Road and ice cream as my treat for today :)
I am going to Brisbane on 17 May and will be seeing another competition. I hope this one restores my confidence in the sport and spurs me on for my final week. At this point, I could easily find valid reasons to back out. Except I won't because I'm committed to this and I've spent too much money already!!
Perhaps the journey does have more value than the destination after all?