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Sunday, 4 May 2008

T minus 21 - Is this what I've been working for?

Weight: 55.7kg (122.5lbs)
Yesterday's food: You have used 1429 out of your net daily budget of 1400 calories and have -29 calories remaining. 34% of the calories are from fat, 33% from protein, 33% from carbs
Exercise : Walk

There was a weight spike this morning as a result of a very off plan paleo day yesterday. I ate both breakfast and lunch in restaurants and as a result I had a fatty/salty day with only guesswork in Calorie King. I am not too worried because the jeans I bought last weekend are looser today. Well I am worried a bit ...

Today I am confused and conflicted. I know that my thoughts and opinions following may annoy some people, but I vowed to track my honest feelings through this process.

Today I went to the Sydney Titles of a bodybuilding competition. It was not what I expected. I supposed I should have gone to a competition before I decided to enter one ... yeah ... self evident really. Is this really what I've been working for?

What I saw today was a few competitors (40) and even less spectators participating in the weirdest thing I have ever seen. Perhaps it is because I work in the performance industry, but today's "show" felt to me like it was neither a sporting event or pure entertainment. It was kind of ... painful.

There was, for the most part, no joy, no charisma, no celebration of achievement. There was just tired and hungry competitors contorting their faces into grimaces while their support crew in the audience yelled instructions on how to do it better.

There was hardly anyone who looked like they were having any amount of fun. They just looked like they couldn't wait for it to be over.

I think that I learnt something today. When I stand on that same stage in three weeks time I will celebrate my achievement. I will find joy in finally realising my goal. I won't worry that I'm not lean enough, or big enough or that I'm the only one with stretch marks. In that moment, there won't be anything I can do except enjoy myself and invite the audience to share in my joy.

That would be the same joy I just felt eating a Rocky Road and ice cream as my treat for today :)

I am going to Brisbane on 17 May and will be seeing another competition. I hope this one restores my confidence in the sport and spurs me on for my final week. At this point, I could easily find valid reasons to back out. Except I won't because I'm committed to this and I've spent too much money already!!

Perhaps the journey does have more value than the destination after all?

6 comments:

  1. Don't you hate it when events are not well organised/thought out? I have the same frustrations and I don't even work in the same industry. And I don't mean the clockwork precision thing - I mean more about appropriate openings, middle and endings that acknowledge and draw people together and help them to reflect on what they have achieved that day. Hopefully yours will be different
    By the way - I hope you enjoyed the rocky road because I just eyed one off in the supermarket less than 5 mins ago. Thankfully my daughter was there to pull me past the temptation!

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  2. Thanks Lisa
    That was exactly the problem - you nailed it for me - thanks
    xx

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  3. It will be what you make of it babe. And if not, then just look at the journey as being the main event. You have done amazingly well and continue to do so.
    You truly are an inspiration.
    We should catch up when you get to Brisvegas.
    S X

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  4. Hi Katie,

    I have only ever been to one show - a very, very long time ago - and I remember having a blast as an audience member. We cheered on the people that we knew and found the entire thing really positive. Maybe over the years the industry has become more competitive but I hope your experience is a one off. As Skinny Girl said, its what you make it. Go up there and have some fun.

    See you in Brisbane!

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  5. The first show I ever went to left me open-mouthed at its fumbling amateurishness. The surroundings were tawdry, the organisation dreadful. I really expected more glitz and glamour.

    BUT...nearly all of the competitors looked like they were having fun and achieving their dreams, and the audience was excited and supportive.

    Of course there was the obligatory sore loser (or 3) who scowled and looked pissed off while someone else was awarded the first place trophy. LOL.

    Katie, YOU have fun with it. You worked for it, you deserve it - now go and walk onto that stage like you own it!

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  6. It sounds like you experienced a bit of a dodgy show. I have been to shows from quite a few diiferent federations and they all have their little differences and some are better that others. It also comes down to what your expectations of the 'show' are - and it can be difficult when you are in the business of entertaining it is easy to have high expectations. The INBA shows in Bris that I have been to have always been positive and fun - especially if Di from fab figures is competing.
    I know how easy it can be to lose focus after a bad experience because I do it all the time. You have done the right thing by getting to the gym today - even though you didn't feel like it. You know how good you're muscles looked this morning - that is how good they will look on the day of your comp!
    Andjxx

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