I am consciously choosing to focus on things other than my weight. I know it will not be easy but I am going to fake it until I make it.
My goal is to live a healthy life within a body that is athletic, lean and strong. I want to develop self esteem that is connected to who I am, what I have achieved rather than what I look like.
You may think I have gone a bit mad (but regular readers are used to that) but longer than I care to remember, my success has been measured by how much I weigh, how many calories I have eaten and how many I have expended in exercise. This needs to stop. It is fueling my unhealthy relationship with food any my bingeing behaviour.
I will try and explain it all in the future, but for today, all you need to know is that I have (re)read a book that has made me want to make changes to my thinking. And the best way for me to do that is to write down my thoughts (to stop them banging around in my head). I also need accountability and logging my daily goals here has made things easier in the past (I've missed my daily check-ins since the competition).
Here are my new daily goals to take control of my overeating and to put the emphasis back on healthy living. I will rate my success in the following terms. I accept that I will not be perfect and that I will sometimes slip up but I want to be conscious of what I am choosing every time I decide to behave contrary to these goals.
1. Remain within daily calorie and macro limits
2. Eat healthy nutritious food
3. Eat on plan, on time
4. Drink water at every meal
5. Achieve a PB every time I train
6. Get 8 hours sleep
7. Take supplements
| calories | 1425 |
| macros | 24/39/37 |
| 0800 | missed - still asleep |
| 1030 | protein powder, banana, eggs, SF maple syrup, low fat yogurt |
| 1300 | yogurt, crunchola, protein crunch |
| 1530 | protein bar |
| 1800 | pumpkin soup, chicken |
| dinner + 2.5 | chicken, vegetables, cottage cheese, chilli sauce |
| unplanned food | chocolate at supermarket |
| water | yes |
| training | back, shoulders, tris, elliptical |
| sleep | 5 hours |
| supplements | yes |
Comments:
Today started out without a plan, hence the chocolate at the supermarket. It is always easier to eat on plan after a binge because I have crashed and feel full, bloated, nauseous and disgusted with myself. Blog entries will be end of day (10.00pm) in future rather than in the morning. I will update later tonight. I need to eat vegetables and fruit tonight as I haven't had any today yet.
Success
* Ate planned final meal without having a "sweet" to finish
* Went to gym even though I was tired from not enough sleep last night because I am committed to growing larger, leaner muscles
* Consciously chose not to weigh myself tonight because I am weaning myself off the scales
* Cooked up chicken breasts and froze in 100g bags
* Planned two non-food treats for tomorrow
* Concentrated on the functional strength of my muscles at the gym rather than how skinny I looked in the mirror (there is a difference!)
* When Mr Katie offered to cook me chips for a snack tonight I didn't say that I couldn't have them (because I could have - they are within my calorie budget and are "healthyish" oven fried) I chose not to have them today because they wouldn't have advanced my goal of having larger leaner muscles
* Spent less time on the interweb reading about weight loss strategies
* Didn't eat anything that wasn't logged
Could do better
* Had a can of diet coke after dinner (trying to give it up)
* Need to get up in time for 8am breakfast even on weekend
Fake it until you make it, that's what I tell my students until it becomes their second nature. We've all got to start somewhere and like you I've gone back to the drawing board many times to start again a different way.
ReplyDeleteLook at the bright side Katie. At least you're going back and starting again, many a figure competitor would just give up and claim a too hard basket situation. So congrats for having the guts to start all over, I comment you on your efforts.
Lia ;o)
Hi Katie,
ReplyDeleteThanks for your generosity in sharing your story. While never a figure competitor, having been through various diet & fitness peaks & troughs I can relate to some of the things you're going through. With all the figure comp wisdom around you, it would be great to see you guys compile a survey about what competitors wished they would have done backing out of a comp. Yknow how there’s this phenomenon of the "glut" of diet books on the market? Maybe in 10 years time there’ll be an equivalent amount of information about ‘backing out’. Yet currently there seems to be an absence of information regarding the experience between reaching a goal and maintenance. People assume there’s a temporal complement between these 2 states but the physical, emotional and psychological evidence of many people refutes this.
I’ve always been scared to stop training – I mean to take a break - yet one of the things I wish I’d done in hindsight was to take at least one week off from all diet & exercise or fitness & nutrition, & from all recording & public accountability. In retrospect I see that a week off would have sent a message to myself saying that a) I was other than my training, my diet & my appearance (something I seemed to doubt at the time yet is always true of us anyway) and b) that training & nutrition etc were actually parts of me that I would return to by choice; they wouldn’t dissolve in a week.
It would be interesting to see what other athletes and models do after a peak performance or a goal is reached. After all, we’re all used to seeing athletes & models in peak condition and so we tend to equate the dominant representation with the day-to-day reality.
Scuse the long comment - you have a compelling story. xx
Good for you for not eating the fries!! You're right, something like that usually doesn't make for leaner larger muscles. I spend too much time reading about weight loss programs and tips too. I hardly know what to do with myself other than that.
ReplyDeleteCJ