Exercise : RPM + 10 min run
You have been a wonderful support network for me as I have gone through the ups and downs of weight loss. In particular you helped me reach my goal of competing in a figure competition.
Today, I need to confess that things have really got out of hand. Instead of being proud of the way I behave around food, I am more and more ashamed. My overeating and junk food intake is quickly becoming a new habit that disgusts me.
It is time for this to stop once and for all. I know I have said that numerous times in the past 3 months, but the past is not the future. It is not OK for me to keep lowering my standards and to feel like sh*t about the way I look and feel most days.
If I continue this downward spiral of depression and eating to compensate, I will end up right back at 85kg or more. It might not be this week, or this month or this year, but one day soon I will wake up with the lethargy, heaviness and sadness that I lived with for 40 years. This thought frightens me, which is a good thing. I am facing up to the pain that will result from this destructive behaviour. But I have one chance to change the future, and that one chance in right now. This moment is the only time that counts, and I am going to use it to make certain that my future is bright and wonderful.
I am not a person who binges. I never have been, so this behaviour is not who I am really am. Each time I overeat, I not only poison my body, but I do lasting damage to my soul. I lose my integrity, and destroy my self esteem. This is not what I chose for my life.
The lies and excuses end here today. I am facing up to the truth that no-one is coming to rescue me, I have to do it myself. It is no longer "not that bad", I cannot fool myself that because I am not overweight by other peoples standards means I am still in good shape. I am not attaining the standard I have set for myself.
This is now important and urgent. I cannot afford to continue like this for one more day. The reasons I have to be lean and vital are stronger and more compelling than the reasons I use to excuse putting vast amounts of non nutritious garbage into my mouth. The pain of not doing anything far outweighs the pain of not having food treats.
I am asking you to be part of my leverage. I am publicly committing to turning this around from today. From this moment forward I will care for and love my body, be proud of who I am, and live with honesty and integrity. I ask for accountability, for tough love, and for the support you have all shown me through every high and low I have been through. I commit to checking in every day with my food and exercise log and my emotional and mental progress. One day in the future I may be able to stop logging everything but for now, it is my part of my plan. I must keep an account of every single thing that goes in my mouth - no more blank days in Calorie King.
This is not a 12 week challenge, this is not a "slim down for summer" strategy, this is for life. I will become a person who doesn't need will power to turn down rocky road and cheese cake, it won't even be a choice because that is not who I am.
I am on holidays for the next two weeks so I am going to concentrate on just me. During this time I will create such a momentum for change that things will get better and better every day and continue to do so when I go back to work.
I am certain of these things
- I've reached the threshold - I must stop the behaviour now
- I must do it - I take full responsibility for my behaviour
- I can do it, I will do it
- The past does not equal the future - it is different now
- I am prepared, I have a powerful strategy
- Becoming lean is not a problem, it is a challenge
- I realise I am not my behaviour
- I concentrate my power on my challenges - on one outcome
- I have realistic goals
- I am going to enjoy the process of becoming lean - it too important to be treated seriously
Today I got out of bed at 6-00am to do a RPM class at 7-00am even though it is my holidays and I could have quite easily stayed in bed. At the end of class I ran on the treadmill for an additional 10 minutes. Breakfast is next and then I am going back to the gym for a Core class at 11-30am and then some time in the sauna and tanning bed. The fight has begun!