I am in the midst of having my teeth all fixed up. It involves two implants and 6 crowns which is an awful lot of money. The dentist told me on Wednesday that the one thing that can jeopardize the healing of implants is smoking. So on Thursday morning I gave up.
I smoked my last cigarette on Thursday at 11-15am.
Last night I didn't sleep much at all. I got up this morning at 5am and stood on the scales and burst into tears. I dressed for the gym and got half way down the road and burst into tears and came home. Someone disagreed with me at work so I went to the ladies and burst into tears.
I was completely miserable today and couldn't tell the difference between wanting a cigarette and being hungry. Last time I gave up (for three months), I gained 4 kilos. The thought of 4 more kilos and being hungry all day made me burst into tears for the 5th or 6th time today. At 5:15pm I smoked a cigarette. I endured 30 hours of agony. Then I gave in.
I am addicted to nicotine and I need to get off it some day. But not today. Not while I'm dieting, preparing for 1d0l finals, and trying to drop 5 kilos in 5 weeks. I can't do it.
I have a plan though. I will give up on 1 January 2009 (my implants are scheduled for the 5th) and then I will have two weeks off work so I can cry all I like, get as fat as a pig and not bother anyone.