I have managed to remain at a weight I am happy with for the past 13 weeks. I have survived 8 whole weeks post comp without succumbing to the post comp eating blues. This is wonderful progress.
I have always been confused as to why the way I look is so important to me. All the books and websites tell me that an obsession with my physical appearance is symptomatic of a need for approval from other people. But I honestly pay little attention to the opinions of strangers, acquaintances and colleagues and those people I do care about have loved me fat and thin and somewhere in between.
I am now contemplating an alternative theory that suggests my quest for an amazing physique is a strategy to keep other people at a distance. By achieving and maintaining the perfect body, I am demonstrating that I already have everything I need so no help is required. I am fortifying the thick stone walls I have built between myself and the world.
I am reminded that my trust and abandonment issues (I am adopted blah blah blah) have made independence my most fundamental core value and my obsession with training and nutrition is simply an extension of that value system.
I am the product of my history and who I am is the best I can be at this moment. Being introverted and naturally solitary is neither good nor bad, it is just how I am. I don't need to work out how to 'fix' it.
I am just happy to have discovered another piece of the KatieP puzzle.