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Monday, 6 July 2009

Walking Away From the Abuse

I am a strong and independent woman and yet I am stuck in an abusive relationship.

There is someone in my life who treats me badly. He doesn't care about my thoughts or feelings and derives enormous pleasure from criticising me.

It doesn't matter if I am lighter or heavier than yesterday, in his eyes, neither is a positive result. When I encounter him, I am never left with a feeling of pride or accomplishment.

If I am heavier than yesterday, then I am fat. He tells me that staying lean is something I will never accomplish because I am too lazy, too weak willed and genetically destined to be overweight. My reasons for gaining sound like excuses - too much sodium, hormones or muscle soreness don't sway his opinion - I am just getting fat. When I listen to him I end up restricting my calories and training until I drop.

If I am lighter than yesterday then I am not 'normal'. He tells me that I am too small, too bony, I am losing muscle and that I should go and eat. I usually take his advice and end up in a disgusting overfed carb coma.

So today I am walking away once and for all. My interaction with him will be severely curtailed. He is no longer getting free trips away from home, his place on the bathroom floor will be empty and his photo will only appear occasionally on this blog.

I do not care what he says, and his number will no long be a scorecard for my worth. I know I have tried to break off with him before and failed miserably, but I now realise that he has nothing of value to add to my life.

Mr Scale - I no longer need you - I am so much more than a number.


  1. Trial separation sounds like just what you need. It may or may not end in divorce but will show you what an independent, strong woman you are and definately more than a number.

  2. Oh jeez you scared me! lol
    I was like omg WHAT?! You are such a clever writer, I really enjoy reading your blog :)

    Shelley has the right idea ;)

  3. oh god I really want to divorce my scales now but I'm too scared. What if it has the opposite effect that I want?

    ALthough..divorcing my husband worked so maybe this will...

  4. I divorced mine long ago dang if I am asked to stand on the dang thing freaks me right out and sends me into a tailspin....yep just get rid of it...gauge your progress by your clothes, pictures, we are not numbers we are woman, beautiful inside and out :) There is nothing like us :)