When you think of this goal, ask yourself these questions
- Is the goal desirable or worthwhile?
- Is it possible for others?
- Is it possible for me?
- Is what it takes to achieve this goal appropriate and reasonable?
- Do I deserve it?
Is it any wonder that there is an ongoing struggle to get where we want to go? Part of us believes that we won't actually make it while the other parts of us just keep on trying.
A belief is what you hold to be true without any conclusive evidence. If there was irrefutable evidence - it would be a fact that applied to everyone in every situation.
Explore your beliefs by answering completing this sentence -
I can't lose weight/maintain my goal weight because ...
I can't get back down to 55kg and stay there because ...
♥ 55kg is too lean and my body revolts by making me binge (It is not possible for me)
♥ 60kg is my happy weight and I always go back to it no matter what (It is not possible for me)
♥ To lose weight (at a snail's pace) I have to restrict my calories and I get tired, cranky and can't sleep (It takes inappropriate and unreasonable effort to achieve my goal)
♥ Being thin is hard, bony and painful - it makes everything sharp and miserable (This goal is not desirable or worthwhile)
♥ My husband doesn't find me attractive when I am lean (This goal is not desirable or worthwhile)
♥ No one who has had weight issues has ever maintained a low body fat percentage outside of competing (It is not possible for others)
Holy fuck Batman -- there's a revelation -- I actually believe these things in my heart of hearts. No wonder every day is an exhausting relentless battle ...
The next step is to examine and question these beliefs and look for conflicting evidence. Put them on the witness stand and let the opposing council cross examine them.
♥ 55kg is too lean and my body revolts by making me binge
My body doesn't care what it weighs, it just reacts to weeks and months of severe calorie restriction and swings in the opposite direction trying to find balance. If I lose fat easily, effortlessly and joyfully in a sustainable way I won't awaken the binge monster or be plagued by constant hunger and feelings of deprivation. I have experience in what doesn't work for me -- cycles of under eating and over eating (refeeds) set me up for starve/binge behaviour.
♥ 60kg is my happy weight and I always go back to it no matter what
My body thought 85kg was my happy weight for nearly all of my adult life and I reset it down to 60kg through willpower and determination alone. How much easier is it going to be now to settle at a lower number now I have new tools and skills.
♥ To lose weight (at a snail's pace) I have to restrict my calories and I get tired, cranky and can't sleep
Losing fat through a consistent slight calorie deficit is a brand new challenge and challenges excite and inspire me. Because I am eating clean, real food, and making small and frequent corrections every day, my body now has the hormones, enzymes and nutrients to get rid of excess fat easily. Having more energy than ever before and a fully operating digestive system (I poop every day without assistance for the first time in my life) tells me that my body is working as it should. I can trust this body that keeps my heart beating, my lungs breathing and sickness and disease away to access my energy storage (fat) when I expend more calories than I eat.
♥ Being thin is hard, bony and painful - it makes everything sharp and miserable
How my body looks doesn't dictate how I feel - whether fat or thin my feelings originate in my head and my heart. I can change how I feel in an instant. I associate thinness with pain because I have only achieved it in the past through restriction, discipline, and delayed gratification. I am learning how to be lean while being happy, peaceful and contented every single day, not just that day in the future when I see a number on the scale.
♥ My husband doesn't find me attractive when I am lean (this has been confronting and painful to say out loud)
He is still here. He hasn't left me or changed the way he treats me. He loves me no matter what and just wants me to be happy. He has associated my leaness with me being miserable, tired, and uninterested in sex -- I guess that is pretty unattractive. If I was sick with cancer and my hair fell out he would still love me. He is not in the same shape that he was 20 years ago and I still love him to death. He is proud that I am slender and take good care of myself compared to the overweight wives of his friends. He loves what is inside me and is attracted to my sense of fun, my kindness and optimism which are the things that disappear when I am fighting to lose weight.
♥ No one who has had weight issues has ever maintained a low body fat percentage outside of competing
There are three women at work and a whole country full of women (Japan) who have very low levels of body fat and stay that way without counting calories or carbs, logging hours in the gym and obsessing over their scale weight. I want to be like them rather than like a competitor who maintains competition leaness through will power and discipline alone (you know who I mean!). It should be even easier for me to stay lean than naturally thin girls because I have much more muscle which gives me a higher metabolism than them.
As this has turned into an essay, I will post my new beliefs tomorrow.
- What are your limiting beliefs?
- How do they hold up under scrutiny?
- If you are having trouble seeing the other side of the argument, post a comment and we'll give you an objective point of view?
- Are you brave enough to identify even your beliefs that are embarrassing or painful?
If you get through this exercise then you deserve as many BONUS BONES as you want -- it is not easy and rather confronting (beware: it may prompt avoidance behaviour - eat/binge/clean the bathroom instead of working through the issues).
For more information on the program I am following that has sparked all these new ideas check out the Inside Out Weight Loss FREE podcast and start from the first episode 00: Prologue.