How To Be Healthy Without Being Control-Freaky

Yesterday Diana asked this interesting question which gave me pause ...

But would you say it is possible to get to all these benefits WITHOUT going through all the control-freaky, tough parts first?

The reason that things have changed so dramatically is because my only intention every moment is to take great care of myself body, mind and spirit. When I was just focused on how I looked and a number on the scale, I was living solely in my mind (rules, plans, maths, goals, to-do lists, success/failure judgement, guilt, no pain no gain, etc.) My new approach is based on a balance between head, heart and health.

Head [mind]
I am motivated to eat well, exercise, get enough sleep, meditate and relax because my belief system is now based on holistic health. I use my brain to assess data, apply knowledge and analyse feedback. It doesn't make strict rules but gentle negotiable guidelines. If I stop consulting my mind I live in anarchy without a system and without boundaries.

Heart [spirit]
I listen to my heart which lets me know when I'm on the right track. By having an open heart I am responsive to connecting with other people and nature and my focus is outward rather than inward. My feelings and emotions are chosen and not dictated by what I do or think. I concentrate on who I am, my values and simply being me - warts and all. There is no self judgement and no sense of being a victim. If I reject my uniqueness then I deny my divinity. I deeply and completely love and accept myself. If I stop consulting my spirit I live in selfishness, emotional chaos and self hate.

Health [body]
I prefer clean, healthy food. I prefer vegetables and fruit over cakes and biscuits. I am in tune with my body and know what is hunger, what is a legitimate craving (I'm deficient) and what is an emotional craving. I know how particular foods make me feel over the hours they are digesting in my system. I know my protein, carbs and fat and I know when more of one or the other is needed. I prefer to exercise my body so that I am fit and strong because I have more energy when I do. It is not a chore, it is a daily indulgence. If I stop consulting my body I eat crappy food, don't get enough sleep, over or under exercise and feel uncomfortable in my skin.

So it's all about balance ~ searching for and finding that place where all three areas have equal input. The traditional weight loss approach would seem to focus on the head only. It seems to me that the eat less/move more prescription rarely works in isolation and results in (a) giving up because it's all too hard or (b) getting all control-freaky.

Beauty is Not How Skinny You Can Be

from We Are the Real Deal

A Confession : I Have an Eating Disorder

Ever since I read the painfully honest posts by Raechelle and Liz admitting to their inner demons, I have been wanting to tell you this secret. The cold hard fact is that what started out as wanting to 'drop a few kilos' has turned into a raging, all consuming, self inflicted eating disorder and pretending my behaviour is 'healthy' living or 'contest prep' is simply lying to myself and to everyone else.

If I step outside of myself and view my behaviour from the perspective of someone who cares for me, it is obvious that things have been out of control for more than a few years. In my mind I have convinced myself that doing this stuff is completely normal.

Here is what my eating disorder looked like at rock bottom ...

• weighing all food (including egg whites, lettuce and diet cordial) and adjusting portions to be exactly the right amount (that extra gram of pumpkin had to go back in the container)
• having food scales at home and in my handbag in case I eat out and don't know the weight of the food
• recording everything in a online calorie counter including the calories in diet soda and fish oil tablets
• feeling anxious and upset if I didn't have internet access to check my calorie totals
• pre-determining what to eat for the day and then printing it out and ticking it off so there was no deviation
• taking all my food with me all the time in multiple tupperware containers
• not allowing anyone a taste of my food because it is measured perfectly and I needed every bit of it
• scraping every last morsel out of the container or licking it clean
• restricting fruit and vegetables based on their carbohydrate content
• restricting food based on its sodium content
• scheduling activities around eating sessions - couldn't go to an event if it prevented me from eating on time
• eating was the main highlight of my day
• never eating the same food as my partner/friends
• the success of my day was measured by the food I ate - good day = ate according to the diet; bad day = ate something I hadn't planned 
• food/cooking/meals was all I thought about and talked about
• never being full - either eating and still being hungry or bingeing beyond the point of fullness
• taking large amounts of expensive supplements ranging from vitamins to fatburners to creatine
• eating large quantities of 'calorie free' food like green vegetables, miracle noodles, psyllium/bran
• exercising until a precise number of calories had been burned
• exercising when I was sick, sore or instead of sleeping
• wearing my heart rate monitor when I went for a walk longer than 10 minutes
• constant physical muscle pain (DOMS) and joint pain making every day activity difficult
• spending all weekend in my gym clothes and sneakers because I never went out anywhere other than the gym and the supermarket
• chronic constipation and gas
• avoiding social situations where food was present
• constantly scouring the internet for the latest diet and latest training method
• calling myself a 'fat pig' in my head
• having 3 different clothing, bra and underwear sizes that I regularly wore - competing, off season, fat clothes
• weighing myself multiple times a day - when I first got up, after going to the bathroom, when I got home from work, before I went to bed
• throwing food in the bin so that I wouldn't eat it and then taking it out later
• asking my husband to hide food so I couldn't find it
• eating until I was so stuffed I couldn't sleep, I had night sweats and my face, fingers and ankles became severely swollen
• always vowing to start afresh each morning, each Monday, each first day of the month
• going to bed early because the only thing I had to look forward to was a lower number on the scales the following morning and breakfast
• crying because of a number on the scale or not being able to fit into my clothes
• avoiding being with my husband because he would want to eat food I couldn't have in front of me
• not being able to leave the house because I needed to be near the toilet when the laxatives and diuretics kicked in
• using colonics as a weight loss strategy
• looking at pictures of steriod using figure girls on stage and feeling inadequate for not looking like them

I am pleased to say that I haven't done any of the above for most of the last month. I am getting help and support from people who understand where I've ended up and I'm making wonderful progress.

So although I may longer be the person you imagined me to be, that my reputation as an 'inspiration' has been has been based on lies, I am the happiest I have been in my whole life. I am recovering, healing, and evolving into the best that I can be one day at a time.

I would love to connect with anyone who recognises where I have come from and has achieved a transformational shift back to health and vitality. Please leave me a comment and/or a link to your blog so I can overhaul my reading list. I no longer want to know about the best diet, the menu item with the lowest calories or whether cardio is fat burning or not. I want to know that I can leave this mess behind because other people just like me have done it.

If this blog is no longer what you are looking for, then thank you so much for your loyalty over the years. I have felt part of a wonderful community but the time has come for me to focus on being whole and healthy rather than being thin enough to go the gym.

KatieP ♥

PS: I might have to abandon the 100 Day Challenge because it is part of the old diet mentality. I still haven't decided what to do just yet ...
I am also pulling my coaching service because I can no longer endorse dieting as a weight loss solution ...

10 Steps Back From the Brink of Dieting Hell

I know what it is like to have finally achieved the body of your dreams through hard work, determination and sacrifice, and then to find that you have no clue how to keep it.

You wanted so desperately to be thin, but you only managed to stay there for such a short time, because once you achieved your goal, you discovered you wanted to eat calorie dense food more than you wanted to be lean. It seemed like overnight all your will-power, discipline and good habits just disappeared.

You are now once again carrying more fat than you feel comfortable with, but the only way you know how to get back to where you were is a low calorie diet that leaves you hungry, drained and depressed, along with hours of exhausting exercise. You can't go out anywhere because the lure of food when you are constantly hungry is irresistible and you don't have any spare time after all the cooking, measuring, logging and training anyway.

How do you come back from the brink of dieting hell?

1. Understand that you are normal

Having issues with binge eating after long term calorie restriction is completely normal. It is not an indication of some mental illness or full blown eating disorder, it is a biological result of under-feeding for so long.

... a psychiatric syndrome, called semi-starvation neurosis, which had been noticed before in people of normal weight who had been starved. They dreamed of food, they fantasized about food or about breaking their diet. They were anxious and depressed; some had thoughts of suicide. They secreted food in their rooms. And they binged.

Semi-starvation neurosis syndrome and had been famously documented by the Minnesota Study. Please click here to read this great summary because I guarantee you will recognise yourself in the behaviour of these subjects who were on a 1600 calorie diet for only 3 months.

Understand that you are not crazy, forgive yourself for over-eating and constantly thinking about food, and remember that you are completely normal.

2. Stop Living By the Numbers

This is difficult I know, but throw away the scales and stop counting calories. You are so much more than a number. You have been on this weight loss journey long enough to know if you are getting leaner or not and you don't need some stupid number to mess with your head every morning (noon and night).

You can still weigh your food (I weigh peanut butter and my protein) but forget about weighing everything else. Eating too many vegetables never did anyone any harm.

3. Change Your Goal

If your entire focus is just on your outward physical appearance, then you have probably achieved fat loss through methods that are not particularly healthy. You eat diet products that have been stripped of all their nutrients and are far removed from their natural state. Your dietary choices have been based completely on the calorie count of food.

Change your goal to that of getting and staying healthy. No more chemical laden fake food substitutes. Choose organic food if you can get/afford it. If you want something sweet, have some fruit. Try your tea without sweetener and if you just can't get used to it, add a small amount of honey. Eat full fat yogurt instead of low fat ice-cream. If there are more than 4 ingredients on the label or if it contains a chemical or preservative don't eat it. Make having the healthiest body possible your new goal.

4. Figure Out What Your Body Really Wants

Figure out what types and quantities of food, and what types and quantities of exercise make you feel the best (before, during AND after eating or training). If you are exhausted and hungry most of the time, then something is wrong.

Improve the quality of your food and lessen the frequency of your training until you find the place where you are full of energy and joy. Life is to short to be miserable because you are 'trying to lose weight'. You may find that the fat disappears by itself once you figure out what makes you feel good.

5. Try Something Completely Different

Don't follow some nutrition or training plan set up by someone you don't know and who doesn't know you. Follow your instincts. If you've always wanted to be a vegetarian, give it a try. If you love low carb but it stops you eating vegetables then simply decide that plant derived carbs don't count. If you love fruit but think you always have to have protein with it, then change your mind and just eat the damn apple! If you hate interval sprints then walk instead or take a fitness class.

Make you your own rules based on your tastes and experience. You are wiser than you think.

6. Expect to Fail

It will go all horribly wrong and you will want to scurry back to the safety of a familiar diet and training regime but resist the urge. Don't expect to get it right at first. Make adjustments as you go.

Set new guidelines that take into account your weakness. If you tend to binge, then let yourself eat as much as you want as long as it is whole food (including high calorie items like nuts and dried fruit). If you want chocolate, just have the 70% high quality dark stuff rather than caramello. If you have to go to the gym everyday, then shorten the time you are there or get a massage instead of training.

7. Deeply and Completely Love and Accept Yourself

There is nothing wrong with being you -- you don't HAVE to change. You are perfect right at this moment. Your body is part of you, so love it and treat it kindly. Treat yourself the way you would treat your best friend, your child or your partner.

8. Focus on Your Victories

Think about all the things that you do already that are wonderful healthy habits and be proud of them. Spend time at the end of each day writing down all the things you did well that day -- that you ate a healthy breakfast, that you went for a long walk, that you helped someone out, that someone complimented you on how nice you looked. Don't even think about the things that you stuffed up -- forgive yourself and move on.

9. Be a Detective

You wouldn't follow a get rich scheme written by someone who is poor. So don't follow a plan written my someone who has always be lean and athletic and never been overweight or who doesn't have your attachment to food. Search out people who have lost weight, struggled to keep it off and then found a solution. Try Marna Goldstein or Andrea Albright for starters.

10. Never Give Up

It is tough, it is frustrating, but you can do it. As long as you keep trying and never give up, you haven't failed. If you would like to find balance and peace with your eating and training, make living healthy your goal every single day, then you will gradually find each day becomes easier and easier.

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