Do You Want It Bad Enough?

Is there any area in your life where you have great success without really having to work that hard at it? Is there something you are just naturally good at?

For me, I've always had financial security and a wonderful marriage. I was asking myself today why both of these areas have seemed to just 'drop into my lap' without any struggle.

The thing that springs to mind is that I am not attached to either material possessions or a 'happily ever after' romance. I don't NEED money to be happy and I don't NEED a relationship to be happy either. And because of that lack of attachment, both those things are bountiful in my life. I am extremely grateful and appreciate what I have (another clue?) and I enjoy every day that I have more money than I need and I am truly loved. Yet I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that if either or both disappeared tomorrow I would be sad for the loss but not in any way completely crushed. My identity does not lie in material wealth or being with another person.

It's that old story about when you go for an interview for a job you don't want that much, or stop looking for a relationship that you get those things. It seems that our ability to let go of the desire ensures we end up getting those things despite our neutral feelings.

Do you really NEED to have a body that is in it's top physical condition? Must you always eat on plan and on schedule to feel in control? Are you consumed by the latest diet and training program? How bad do you want it?

Maybe the intensity of your desire is what prevents you from getting what you want? Maybe wanting it bad means you're never going to get it, or if you do, you will be consumed by the fear of losing it.

Let it go ... life is about happiness, honesty, growth and experience and the money, relationship and banging body will be the icing on the cake.

Do I want it bad enough? Nah, but it will probably turn up sooner or later without me having to struggle for it.

(Note: being financially secure, in a good relationship and having a lean, fit, healthy body all still require EFFORT (going to work, loving my partner, eating healthy food, training) and the effort is what brings happiness - not the expectancy of reward some time in the future.)

How To Be Healthy Without Being Control-Freaky

Yesterday Diana asked this interesting question which gave me pause ...

But would you say it is possible to get to all these benefits WITHOUT going through all the control-freaky, tough parts first?

The reason that things have changed so dramatically is because my only intention every moment is to take great care of myself body, mind and spirit. When I was just focused on how I looked and a number on the scale, I was living solely in my mind (rules, plans, maths, goals, to-do lists, success/failure judgement, guilt, no pain no gain, etc.) My new approach is based on a balance between head, heart and health.

Head [mind]
I am motivated to eat well, exercise, get enough sleep, meditate and relax because my belief system is now based on holistic health. I use my brain to assess data, apply knowledge and analyse feedback. It doesn't make strict rules but gentle negotiable guidelines. If I stop consulting my mind I live in anarchy without a system and without boundaries.

Heart [spirit]
I listen to my heart which lets me know when I'm on the right track. By having an open heart I am responsive to connecting with other people and nature and my focus is outward rather than inward. My feelings and emotions are chosen and not dictated by what I do or think. I concentrate on who I am, my values and simply being me - warts and all. There is no self judgement and no sense of being a victim. If I reject my uniqueness then I deny my divinity. I deeply and completely love and accept myself. If I stop consulting my spirit I live in selfishness, emotional chaos and self hate.

Health [body]
I prefer clean, healthy food. I prefer vegetables and fruit over cakes and biscuits. I am in tune with my body and know what is hunger, what is a legitimate craving (I'm deficient) and what is an emotional craving. I know how particular foods make me feel over the hours they are digesting in my system. I know my protein, carbs and fat and I know when more of one or the other is needed. I prefer to exercise my body so that I am fit and strong because I have more energy when I do. It is not a chore, it is a daily indulgence. If I stop consulting my body I eat crappy food, don't get enough sleep, over or under exercise and feel uncomfortable in my skin.

So it's all about balance ~ searching for and finding that place where all three areas have equal input. The traditional weight loss approach would seem to focus on the head only. It seems to me that the eat less/move more prescription rarely works in isolation and results in (a) giving up because it's all too hard or (b) getting all control-freaky.

Chasing the Dream

Even though I don't actually care what other people think, when they say things that I still believe to be true, in my heart of hearts, it pushes my buttons.

If people had been saying that I torture kittens or drink my own piss I wouldn't have cared because I know it isn't true. But when people said that not having a diet plan and weighing myself meant I wasn't holding myself accountable, and that I had failed to reach my own goals I got upset. Mostly because I still believed that was true. So much so that I even logged back into Cruelty King and listed my breakfast yesterday morning.

The best part is that when things go bad and my old habits resurface I know that there is something that still needs healing. What is the belief, what have I agreed to that makes me react in this way?

Have I given up because it's too hard and I'm not tough enough?
Have I stopped being accountable?
Am I a failure because I don't weigh 55kg?

Here is the truth.

I have not given up anything only allowing myself love and acceptance when I reach a certain number on the scales. It is infinitely tougher to face the fact that I only feel happy when I am 'good', when I am trying to become like someone else. I am awakening to the realisation that my value lies inside me rather than in my conformity to the cultural myth of physical beauty.

I am more accountable than I ever was. Instead of following a plan written by another person, I am listening to the wisdom of my body. I can't make excuses like 'carb loading' and 'cheat meals' when I overeat processed food that makes me feel like shit. I don't know what my body really wants because I have been ignoring it for so long, so each meal is an opportunity to discover what works for me. I can't just eat the same thing day in and day out. I have to decide what and how much to eat and then notice how it makes me feel over time. It is constant attention, not stuffing McDonalds in my face while I sit on the couch.

Have I failed to meet my goal of weighing 55kg? Well, I have actually got there twice now, but it only made me continuously hungry and completely exhausted. I didn't feel healthy -- I was constipated, without a period, and in physical pain from my bones sticking out. I learned that looking like someone else didn't make me beautiful, peaceful or contented.

Am I envious of those who eat and train in the manner that allows them to compete? If envy means would I swap places then no. Do I feel admiration and respect? Of course I do because I know how much commitment that particular journey requires. I also know that for me the feeling of accomplishment didn't outweigh the pain.

It takes an equal amount of commitment and discipline to give all that away and focus on being healthy, happy and balanced. There is no 'off season' when it comes to facing the way I think, my beliefs and my identity. There is pain involved, but the feeling of progress, of continuous improvement and the sense that my hard work is transforming my reality is the most satisfying thing I have ever experienced. It makes going on a diet and chasing a scale number as significant as the colour I choose to paint my toenails.

How will I be remembered?
(a) Katie was always working hard at being in great shape. She worked her arse off in the gym, watched what she ate and looked amazing. She certainly knew how to get what she wanted.
(b) Katie always seemed to be happy. She had this beauty that glowed from the inside. Whenever you were with her, read what she wrote or looked at her photos you were given a glimpse of pure joy. She seemed different to other people because she saw life as wonderful, exciting and magical.

I now know for certain that my purpose lies beyond being working the hardest and looking the best. My purpose is to be different, not because I'm fitter, stronger and leaner than everyone else, but because my unique view of the world gives others a glimpse of the joy of simply being.

Why chase a dream, a goal, an outcome when this moment is as good as it could ever get? We already have all that it takes to have all that we want.

What is Real?

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

The Velveteen Rabbit, by Margery Williams

100 Day Challenge - Day 65 - Finding Balance

The path to peace and happiness is one of balance. We need to live in a place that is centred and grounded. Every time that we veer off course we need to make corrections to come back into balance, back to our centre, find equilibrium.

The act of calorie restriction is inherently unbalancing in our lives. We push ourselves to the extreme side of under eating and over training and the pendulum swings in a large arc to one side. Is it any wonder that we eventually cave in and end up eating massive amounts of crappy food and barely being able to leave the couch?

The very act of pushing in one direction will guarantee that you will end up at some point at the other end of the spectrum.

It is better to live in the middle, in equilibrium, in the grey scale between black and white. If you are radically and excessively moderate you will achieve your goals quickly and easily. Every single day you should be self correcting back to absolute centre.

If you overeat at one meal, you eat less at the next, or wait until you are hungry again before you eat. If you train hard and intense on one day, you do something lighter the next. If you are rushed and have no time for yourself today, you take time out tomorrow. If you feel anxious and stressed, then you listen to some music, meditate or take a walk.

Instead of eating, training and completing your 'to do' list because you have to in order to achieve your goals, do those same things with the purpose of finding balance and renewal.

I go to the gym, I walk, I do yoga because it balances me. I eat healthy, clean food without chemicals because it centres me. I listen to inspirational podcasts, write, speak kindly to my co-workers, and keep a success journal because these actions keep me on the wide, flat pathway to happiness when life tries to push me off course.

Following a prescribed weight loss diet, or a 'fat incinerating' exercise program for the purpose of achieving a calorie deficit is unpleasant, hard work and requires discipline and will power that is impossible to maintain over time.

Wanting to live a balanced and centred life means I will practice similar fat loss nutrition and training strategies but with an entirely different attitude. All of a sudden, I don't blow off my exercise because I am too tired to care about losing weight today. I go to the gym because I know that it will make today a better day because I will be in balance.

There is no longer any urgency or pressure to perform. I can simply make small and frequent adjustments throughout my day. And what follows is a sense of peace and calm that is truly miraculous and sustainable for the rest of my life.

♥♥♥

Late Breaking News
Former fat chick, former diet coke addict and self confessed comfort eater KatieP had two significant breakthroughs yesterday.

She was on her way to the kitchen to get a snack when she chose to have a hot shower first to think through what she was feeling before she ate. She realised that she was reacting to a difficult situation (details tomorrow) and just needed a break and to feel warm and safe. The shower provided what she needed and she wasn't hungry after all.

KatieP had also bought a diet coke because she wanted to practice extreme moderation by having one as a special treat. Half way through the DC she realised that pouring toxic chemicals into her body wasn't that much of a treat after all. She poured the coke down the sink and didn't finish it. A headache followed soon after reminding her that her instincts had been right.

Both of these behaviours are unprecedented and herald a significant shift in her behaviour. Is it possible that serious changes are taking place?

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