Eating Too Much Compared to What?

I ate a lot of food yesterday. I felt the normal pangs of guilt, self disgust and disappointment because I had a free day and ate until I was stuffed. This morning I kept thinking about what had happened.

If I have a couple of alcoholic drinks, I get drunk very easily. This is because I drink so rarely, that my alcohol tolerance is very low. Do I have a problem with alcohol because when I drink I always get drunk? I don't get drunk by consciously making a decision to do so, it is a consequence of a small amount of alcohol in my system. The difference between sober and happy is one drink, between sober and pissed is only two.

I am thinking that I have the same low tolerance to food. Because I eat such small controlled quantities of food most of the time, when I eat 'normal' portions my stomach gets full long before I have finished enjoying what is on my plate. I am so used to eating the same simple staples that when I eat anything at all processed or sugary, my body has a reaction to it. I feel hot, sweaty, my heart races and eventually I feel sick and disgusting. I wake the next morning with a 'hangover'.

Are any of these symptoms an indication that I am eating too much food? I am eating normal portions, eating the same way my husband and work colleagues eat every single day and yet I beat myself up for eating like a piggy. Are the symptoms nothing more than a low tolerance to a standard diet?

I don't beat myself up when I have two glasses of wine and get pissy by telling myself I am an alcoholic and I need therapy. I recognise that because I don't drink frequently, when I choose to do so, I will react more quickly than others.

When I eat like a normal person, I need to remember that it doesn't mean that I am engaging in unhealthy binge behaviour. I need to recognise that when I choose to include food in my diet that I don't frequently eat, my body will react with a full bloated stomach, uncomfortable physical changes and a hangover the next day.

In the same way that an occasional drink is well deserved, so is a day full of delicious treats. If I can stop translating the physical feelings of discomfort into a sign that I am letting myself down then I might be on to something. A day spent eating the same food my husband eats will leave me feeling like I've just been through a family Christmas with all the trimmings. It doesn't mean I've been on a binge and therefore self flagellation is no longer required.

Tracking Log Mon 22 - Sun 28 June 2009

The Stigma of Thin

When I look in the mirror I see a very lean person. I am not competing and yet I am only 1 kilo heavier than my on stage weight (which wasn't lean compared to other competitors but extremely lean compared to the general population). I can still see the muscles in my arms, stomach and back, my breast bones are visible and so are my hip bones.

Sometimes my reflection initiates a dialogue in my head that is quite disturbing. It is along the lines that I must have a severely distorted body image if I think I look good, when in actual fact, I am chronically underweight. And the fact that I am finding it less difficult than I thought to maintain this size, must mean that I am developing an eating disorder - the "A" word.

When I deconstruct these thoughts I am surprised, as a fiercely independent person, that they are focused on how others see me. I worry that others look at me and think I am sick. Actually, it is not that I care if they think I look (a) unattractive or (b) not well, I care that they think that I need 'help'. Appearing vulnerable or needy is not my intention.

It is strange that it is perfectly acceptable to be overweight or obese and people assume (rightly or wrongly) that the only issue is that I am eating too much food. There is nothing deeper or darker than too many burgers. But the same attitude is not applied if I am thin. They don't assume that I've lost weight on purpose the simple old fashioned way and now I am eating the right amount of food matched to my energy expenditure. It is not simply that I'm not eating enough burgers, I am thin because I have psychological problems.

In a world where I am now a minority, I sometimes feel like a peculiar freak show. I guess I wouldn't care if I had always been this size, but the extremes make me more sensitive. I have to keep reminding myself that I only have to love and nurture myself, and the rest of the world can go and get fucked!

Weigh In 27 June - What the Fuck is Going On?

One entire week eating 1600 calories a day and sitting on my bony arse and this is the result. My weight stayed the same. No blowing up like a giant marshmallow, no muscle wasting and fat gain, no ill effects at all.

I know, I can't believe it either. It doesn't make any sense. Does this mean that the calories I burn at the gym don't make any difference? Is fat loss 100% diet and 0% exercise? Have I been severely under eating all along and 1600 calories is my TDEE (total daily energy expenditure) with no exercise?

If I can live on 1600 calories a day (which is perfectly adequate if I'm not starving hungry) I can train however I want without worrying about how much it is burning. I can do heavy weight lifting sets with long rest periods and not care that my heart rate doesn't break into the moderate or high range. I don't have push so hard that I feel like puking during my interval sprints.

The only reason I need to train is for strength, flexibility, and to keep my heart healthy and my body flooded with oxygen. I can choose yoga, or ballet, or a long walk along the harbour and only think of how it will keep me fit and strong, not as a fat loss/maintenance necessity.

From now on, the only goal of training will be to nurture my physical body, to focus my mind (one of the best ways to 'be in the moment' - a sort of moving meditation) and to awaken all my metabolic systems for the day. I will choose to expend only the right amount of energy to ensure that I don't sabotage my eating plan by tiring myself out and spiking my appetite. If I burn a significant amount of calories, I will see what happens if I add half? or all? of them to my eating calories, but I am not yet convinced that that what my HRM tells me is completely accurate.

The more I learn, the less I know ...

Food Lover's Guide to Calorie Counting

This is the method I use to set up and plan my diet each day. It comes as second nature to me now that I have learned a few tricks.

(1) I image what I would like to eat in a day if I could have anything I wanted and calories didn't count. This is today's wish list
B: pancakes with peanut butter, syrup and icecream
S: cake
L: chicken pasta
S: chocolate bar
D: nachos
S: cheesecake and icecream

(2) I portion out my calories to give me an idea of how much I have to 'spend' at each meal:
B: 350
S: 150
-----------combined = 500 (see (4))
L: 350
S: 150
-----------combined = 500(see (4))
D: 350
-----------
S : 250
= 1600 total

(3) I have to make smart choices in order to hit my calorie targets - either by choosing 'healthier' versions of standard items, or smaller portions of the real thing.

(4) I enter my selections in Calorie King. Unfortunately, there is only room for 3 meals and one section for snacks. I find it a bit confusing so I group things together (the order is a bit mixed up because the thing you enter last goes at the bottom of the list. In this instance I copied the day before and swapped out plain icecream for Skinny Cow and I needed more calories at lunch so I added a slice of cheese):

breakfast and snack #1 for approximately 450-500 cals

lunch and snack #2 for approximately 450-500 cals

dinner on it's own for approximately 350-400 cals

and dessert (snack #3) for 250 cals

I don't aim to hit the precise numbers, it is more just a framework to start from and if some meals are under, others are over.

(3) I refine my choices keeping in mind that my carbs shouldn't exceed 100-120g for the day, sugar less than 50g and I have to have some vegetables (well most of the time anyway!). I don't worry too much about the protein and fat because if you get the carbs right, have some protein at every meal, it more or less takes care of itself.

and sometimes, just sometimes I come up with a perfect day.

PS: The weird shit going on with my cheesecake portions - 1.25 serves - is because I made it with 80% Philly Cheese yesterday morning when I was half asleep and only made 4 servings instead of 5 - DOH!

PPS: I know it is a lot of icecream but it is the weekend and I don't usually get icecream with my daytime snacks during the week - and a whole skinny cow is 90 grams so it is 1/3 of the container at a time.

Best Wheat/Sugar Free Protein No-Bake Cheesecake Ever

calories/fat/protein/carbohydrates/sugar/sodium

Ingredients

calories/fat/protein/carbohydrates/sugar

Makes 5 individual servings (208 calories per serve).

The 25g of Ladybird crunch forms the base. Pour it on it's own evenly between 5 large cupcake papers inside a large sized muffin tray.

In the blender put in 50g cream, 35g vanilla Redbak SPI (this is SOY protein powder - I tried it with whey and it wasn't the right texture), 250g philly, 6g splenda and 1/4 cup water (don't forget the water or it will be too thick). Add any flavour you want (lemon/vanilla essence - I didn't add anything). Blend until it is all mixed and smooth.

Pour the creamy mixture evenly between 5 cupcake/large muffin tray.

Refrigerate overnight. Pull the paper carefully off and tip any loose bits of LB crunch on the top. Lick the cupcake paper. Put a thin scraping of diet jam or maple syrup on top (or leave it plain), add 1/2 Skinny Cow on the side and have a food orgasm for roughly 250 calories. It would be even less calories if you go 80% Philly but I think the high fat is what makes it taste so good and fills you up. I will never eat a store bought sugar laden cheesecake again.

Enjoy.

Recovery Update

My weight is going down every day and I am no longer consumed by persistent hunger.

It doesn't make any sense - if we believe the calories in vs calories out propaganda then I am having 600 calories more a day than I normally do (the amount I burn in exercise). I should be gaining or at least staying the same.

I could be burning up all my muscle and stacking on the fat, but I don't think so. I look leaner, I feel amazing and it is nothing short of a miracle.

When I get back to the gym [which I will because I want to keep my muscles] I am not going to be burning 600 calories and staying there for an hour and a half that's for sure. I'm going to sleep past 5am, get up later - do 30 minutes lifting or cardio (not both) and then add the calories I burn on to my base line calorie level [I'll start at 1600 calories and slowly increase if I continue to shrink]. 1600 is plenty if I'm not h.u.n.g.r.y 24 hours a day.

It makes me ponder on the times I have lost fat - those time when I have cut back on training because I have been too exhausted to 'smash' myself.

Something might be better than nothing, but nothing appears to be better than too much! I guess it all comes down to 'moderation' again - extreme anything does more harm than good.

If I can maintain my weight while being rested, fed and un'smashed'- I will have died and gone to heaven.

No-one to See You

If you were marooned on a desert island fully equipped with a endless supply of any food you could imagine (good and bad) and a fully equipped gym - would you eat and train differently?

If you somehow had a radioactive accident that left you with the super power of shape shifting and you could appear to the world in any way you wanted (but you could still see the 'real' you), would you bother with losing those last 5 kilos?

If humans were all blind and no one was chosen for a job or a relationship on how they looked, would you still spend an hour on the treadmill every morning? Or would you be more interested in how you sounded or how you smelt?

I wonder if it is really the way that we look to other people that is the main reason we drive ourselves to eat well and train hard. If the world was unable to judge us on our appearances would we continue to be so obsessed with the perfect body?

For me, I am fairly certain that I wouldn't change very much at all. I would continue to eat in a way that gives me pleasure, energy and vitality. I would train so that I was fit and strong. Even if no one could see my body, I would still get a flush of pleasure from seeing my hip bones and abs (unless I was blind and then I could still feel them!).

There is no way I would trade the way I feel today for the way I did when I was overweight. A life of heaviness, aching joints, and heat rashes where my legs rubbed together is no longer an option. My life would be less enjoyable if I wasn't actively pursuing a dream to be extraordinary.

If you want to create and keep the body you've always imagined, then your motivation probably needs to go beyond merely wanting other people to consider you attractive. Because when the tough times hit, you will find worrying about how you look low on your list of priorities.

But if you are driven by an overwhelming desire to inhabit the world in a physical form that supports and enhances your ability to think, move, feel, and conquer any challenge, then you will never let anything take that dream away from you.

Uncover the reasons why you behave the way you do, and then live a life that honours those values.

Time for a Break

There are a few snippets of information that you probably should know before you form an opinion on my latest decision.

I am experiencing the following physical symptoms:
- disturbed sleep only 5-6 hours a night
- low body temperature
- low heart rate and difficulty getting it high when I train
- digestive issues
- no period
- ferocious appetite
- aching joints
- cough
- cold sores
- cold all the time
- exhaustion

This could mean a bazillion things but I have settled on a degree of metabolic damage from training too much. Most standard training programs advise a 6-8 week work pattern followed by a week of rest to repair and recover. If I add up all the weeks I've missed, I'm due over 6 months off!!

So this week I am going to stay away from the gym for 7 days on purpose. This is an extremely difficult thing for me to do because I've never done it before and I am shit scared.

I am scared that training is all that keeps me thin and I am scared that once I stop I'll never start again. I know that am addicted to exercise endorphins and I am going to miss that high. It also feels like I am quitting or being lazy, but I know that is not true.

For the next 7 days I am going to be doing my training between 5am and 7am by staying in bed - hopefully sleeping. I am not saying I won't do anything - a walk or yoga might be on the cards - but there will be no HRM and no sweating.

I am most worried that I am going to get fatter and fatter by the day, and as soon as the scales betray me, I expect I'll be back moving my body weight in iron around the weights room and smashing out intervals on the treadmill.

I am hoping that by resting, I might get a handle on my constant hunger. There are studies that show that sleep deprivation causes hormonal changes that increase appetite and cravings and reduce satiety. I feel like I am tired all the time, which may be the main cause of my constant foraging for food.

Whatever happens, it is an experiment and an adventure. I am stepping out of my comfort zone into a scary world that I have never experienced before. I need to get better, and this seems like a sensible place to start. FF---UUUU---CCCC--KKKKKK !!!!

PS:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHELLEY XXXXXX

The Gap in the Middle

I haven't been feeling very well this past week. I thought I was getting the flu, but all I got was an annoying dry cough that only starts when I lie down. Result = not a lot of sleep. Last night I had extra pillows to keep me more upright and it seemed to help. I have also acquired my second coldsore - one on my top lip last Saturday and another on my bottom lip yesterday.

I suspect that I may be suffering burn-out from over training. I have been going to the gym for over an hour 5-6 days a week for at least 7 months straight. The dilemma is I don't know what is the right amount of work required to stay in shape.

Search the interweb and you will find a bazillion programs for fat loss - from simple upper/lower splits with cardio/intervals to metabolic circuits and bodyweight programs like Turbulence Training and Afterburn. All very well, but I don't want to burn fat because I don't have much and I suspect I would start burning muscle on that type of program.

There are also another bazillion programs to build muscle - from whole body workouts 3 days a week to focusing on one body part a day. The program I have been doing (New Rules of Lifting for Women) is a muscle building program. In order to fuel these heavy workouts and have adequate nutrients for muscle growth and recovery, you need to eat surplus calories to your requirements. If you get it wrong - fat arrives along with whatever muscle you might or might not add.

Neither of those approaches is what I want. I don't want to lose fat and end up losing muscle, or try to gain muscle and end up adding fat.

And we all know that nutrition counts much more than exercise in creating the body you want (the old abs are made in the kitchen thing!) so how much training is necessary to keep what you already have without going backwards? I just want to stay fit and lean with visible muscle definition without flexing.

There is a gap in the middle that there is no plan for. Maybe most people want to 'improve' things but surely you don't have to go through the whole on season/off season thing if you don't want to. All I can think of is to do what the experts say will result in no progress at all. Do the same exercises with the same weights week after week ... but that just sounds boring.

Any ideas?

Tracking Log Mon 15 - Sun 21 June 2009

A Glutton for Life

It is time to be extreme - to push the boundaries of life beyond what is comfortable and balanced by taking a step from the ordinary into the unusual.

Question your beliefs
Why is it that move more and eat less isn't working? Why are you so determined to finally lose that extra fat and yet each day you stumble and fall? If it was simply a case of eating wholesome healthy food and exercising, why can't you do it?

What if you tried something else? What if you followed your heart instead of your head? Don't spend another day doing something you have proven to yourself over and over again is not the solution for you. Dream of something different. Eat oats and protein powder at every meal today (if you LOVE them], have a day off eating veges [if you don't LOVE them], or have a massage instead of a training session.

Don't rely on what you 'know' to be the truth. Find your own truth. Uncover the lies.

Be authentic
Do you really believe that food is just fuel and not one of life's wonderful pleasure? Are you convinced that combining fat and carbs is nutritional 'suicide'? Are some foods really that bad for you? Do you feel like you are obliged to eat a certain way only because some expert tells you it is good for you? Is being healthy your ultimate goal or is it actually the thought of being lean and shredded that ignites your passion?

Be brutally honest about your beliefs and your feelings. Don't censor yourself because you think other people might disapprove. Stand up for what you believe in.

Uncover the things that you are supposed to believe in, but don't. Examine your declared values and decide if they reflect your authentic self. For today, don't try to change, improve or grow anything - just declare who you are right at this moment without apology.

Reverse the Rules [while still moving towards your goal]
Eat less protein, eat more fat, eat more carbs or just eat a randomly chosen number of calories (less or more than your calorie 'rule' and under 2,000) and don't worry about the macros. Train on an empty stomach if you always have a pre-workout meal or eat before you train if you always do it fasted. Train at the opposite time of day. Go to bed late and get up late.

Make a radical new plan that reverses all the rules and follow it to the letter. Don't do anything the same way you usually do. Notice how it makes you feel - are you more alive and focused than you were yesterday?


Today, just for one day, take a risk on yourself. Choose to do things differently today - not better or worse - just different. Turn your world upside down.

How it affects your day might surprise you. Expect one of the best days of your life. Why? because you will have taken the opportunity of a fresh day and squeezed some adventure and excitement out of it.

And if it takes your fancy ... try doing it again tomorrow ... if not, tomorrow you can do and be something completely different.

Declare your recipe for rebellion in the comments section and let's see if we can revolutionise the world of 'health and fitness'. If you always read what I write and never comment, choose today to find your radical voice!

Be a glutton for life!

Don't Shoot the Messenger

It fascinates me that we have identified the voice in our head that tells us to eat the things we crave and have given it a name like binge monster, inner gollum, or mad monkey. We spend a lot of our time and energy telling that voice to shut up and go away or smacking it metaphorically with some blunt instrument.

We seem to forget that mad monkey is an important part of ourselves who is expressing what we desire on some level. We don't usually entertain, for more than a second, random ideas of self harm. Have you ever had to battle day in, day out, with a desire to throw yourself under a train? [I know people do, but I am not sure that they read this blog, or are particular tortured by denying themselves sticky date pudding].

We should recognise that mad monkey is trying to offer us what he thinks is the best for us. He doesn't want us to be miserable, hungry or separated from something that we love (food). He wants the pain - physical or emotional - to stop. And just like a helpful husband, he knows just the way to fix the problem.

I think we should be kinder to Mr Monkey and therefore ourselves. We should speak kindly to him and acknowledge his good intentions. Maybe we should give him a more flattering name and make him a her? I like to think of her as my primal instinct, the part of me that represents my protection against biological harm - so I shall call her Primal Power.


Ms Primal Power
My Head

19 June 2009


Dear Ms Primal Power

Thank you so much for doing your job so well and looking out for my health and wellbeing. I completely understand that you think I need to have more fat stores in case of a famine, but I can assure that I am lucky enough to live in a place where starvation is not going to be a problem. There will be another meal coming in a few hours time and I will feel less happy and healthy if I eat these empty calories you are urging me to eat.

I would love it if you could understand that following my cravings does not improve my life - can't you remember how sick, tired and miserable we were when we ate without respect or restraint?

I think it would be a great idea if you could show up and help me with some other things in my life that could benefit from your single mindedness and your unique outlook.

When I'm too tired to run, remind me that I need to be fit enough and fast enough to outrun all those wild beasts. When I am thinking about staying in bed on cold mornings, remind me that I need to be strong enough to build a shelter, and to carry home the food I have gathered. When I am bored or tired, remind me to enjoy the brief moments of rest I have because life is a struggle to survive.

And if we can work this out - I promise not to hit you with a baseball bat ever again!

Love KatieP x

The Five Stages of Dieting

Phase 1

You are listening to jazz --
Your first day of dieting is great
Your food is wonderful, your salad is cute,
you love your chicken, and your training is the best!

Phase 2

You are listening to pop music --
After a while you are
so hungry and tired that you are not sure if you're coming or going anymore.

Phase 3

You are listening to heavy metal --
This is what happens after about SIX weeks!

Phase 4

You are listening to hip hop --
You have had a cheat day and got so bloated you don't have any ankles anymore.
You feel sluggish and suffer from constipation.
Your fellow gym goers are too cheerful for your liking and the cat food starts to look attractive.

Phase 5

You are listening to the voices in your head --
You have started popping diet pills and going to bed early so breakfast comes around sooner.
You wonder WHY you are even doing this in the first place and WHY did I want to be skinny anyway!

Women Who Inspire

In any undertaking, it is beneficial to find role models - people who have achieved what you would like achieve. You can learn a lot from their behaviour, their way of thinking and the decisions they make.

I would like to introduce you to one of my role models - a woman who inspires me.

Meet Skwigg (Renee) who has the most refreshing approach to how she eats. Anyone who has pizza for breakfast is a champion in my book. She has tried every approach to fat loss and fitness from BFL to Precision Nutrition. She has settled on an intuitive eating approach that is completely beyond my comprehension, but I love the idea of it.

Some of my favourite stuff:

Confidence, Flexibility and Nutrition
When you fall into a pattern of either dieting or bingeing, a lot of times it means that your "diet" is too strict, too bland, too low in calories and completely unrealistic. To be successful, you have to enjoy your meals. You need the flexibility to eat out and to socialize. You need to include your favorite foods. You can't be a treat-deprived, clock-watching, tupperware-toting robot indefinitely. A lot of people can do that for a few days or weeks but when they lose it they really lose it.

Think of it as an ongoing experiment. Sometimes you'll do better or worse, be more or less motivated, have more or less success. But you never just chuck it and say, "Well, that didn't work. I'm done." Somebody smart said, "There is no failure, only feedback." So, if you try something and it's a disaster or you don't get the results you want, that doesn't mean you've failed. It means you've identified something that doesn't work and now you can change it.

Misery Isn't a Good Goal
A big part of it is setting goals totally in line with your soul. What do you really want? For most people, obsessing over food every minute of the day isn't what they really want, and so they feel terrible if they do it.

You may set goals based on what you think you want - to look like the girl in the magazine, to wow your internet fitness group, to buy a certain clothing size, to see a certain number on the scale. And then you do whatever miserable thing you think it will take to get there. The problem is that your goals aren't what you really want. You're craving the way you think those things WILL MAKE YOU FEEL.

You tell yourself that if you're smaller, or you have great arms, or you're light as a feather, then finally you'll be happy, have confidence and be able to enjoy life. It works better if you skip the cliché weight loss gobbledygoo and make being happy and feeling incredible your top priorities right from the start. And no, that doesn't mean you have to accept being unhealthy or out of shape. You can change anything you want to change, but do it from your heart and do it with joy. When your heart and your goals join hands everything becomes a fun puzzle instead of a war.

Why the Scales Lie
I continue to warn everyone that the scale is a springy, beady-eyed, lying menace.

We've been told over and over again that daily weighing is unnecessary, yet many of us can't resist peeking at that number every morning. If you just can't bring yourself to toss the scale in the trash, you should definitely familiarize yourself with the factors that influence its readings. From water retention to glycogen storage and changes in lean body mass, daily weight fluctuations are normal. They are not indicators of your success or failure. Once you understand how these mechanisms work, you can free yourself from the daily battle with the bathroom scale.

Reflection, Accountability, and Another Perspective

I have a Daily Log form that I get my clients to fill out each day (see some of it above). It occurred to me that it might actually help me too.

For the past week, I have been taking a moment to fill in my own log at the end of each day. Then my 'person who has the same dreams and goals as I do and who gets me' reads it and responds with feedback.

I am finding it really helpful (a) to pause and reflect on all aspects of the day - my affirmations, weight, calories, treats, training, achievements, challenges, and health and wellbeing (b) knowing that I am accountable to someone other than myself keeps me focused and (c) to get another perspective on what is going on in my life.

Here is an example of how it works in practice ...

ME:
Why am I always hungry - is it psychological, biological or emotional? Do I eat the wrong foods, is my body hating being this low in body fat, am I using food to replace something that is missing in my life? I want to eat sausage rolls and roast chicken sandwiches with the skin on every day but I also want to be skinny and look good. Why is the way I look so important to me? It really doesn't matter to anyone but me. I only know that I don't want to gain weight and then have to lose it again. I wish I could turn off my thoughts.

PERSON WHO HAS THE SAME DREAMS AND GOALS AS I DO AND WHO GETS ME:
Only you can answer the question of hunger and which one of the 3 it is. As women we are designed to carry body fat to nurture offspring, etc. I believe your body does not like being this lean but your mind does. Whether you allow nature to take it's course or fight it is your decision. Looking good may be important to you because of the feelings it produces - strength, courage, dedication. Even overweight people have feelings about how they look but hide it behind food.

All this information is stored in a spreadsheet that I can keep as a record (it is wonderful to see all your achievements for the week listed in one place) , monitor trends and do calculations at the end of each week (like average weight, calories, wellbeing etc).

Informative, helpful and fun - my favourite combination.

Take Your Finger off the Trigger

I am still having challenges with the days I have a treat/free meal as it sets me off on a quest to eat all the things I can't/choose not to eat during the rest of the week.

Interestingly, I don't overeat chocolate or icecream on my higher calorie days because I have it every day of the week.

I have now started incorporating my 'trigger' foods into my daily eating plan to de-sensitize me to their effects. I have swapped out my oat wrap for real bread [Wonder Performance Wholegrain which has 9.5g protein in 2 slices] and I am having a small packet (45g) of red rock deli honey soy chips every night. Both of these yummy treats have a low sugar content to prevent sugar overdose!

Am I a Control Freak?

I have always thought that the way to ensure that I keep my dream body is to always be in control. I have recently discovered that control is an external force that is often taken away from me.

I cannot control the fact that I am sick. I am too sick to go to the gym.

I cannot control the fact that I am sometimes overwhelmed by the urge to eat large quantities of less than healthy food. I cannot control the fact that eating this way makes me feel warm, full and satisfied.

I cannot control the fact that I am who I am, and the things that I want are often in direct conflict with each other - I want to stay lean and in the best shape of my life, but I also want to eat like a 'normal' person.

I have realised that if I strive to control my life, I will be frustrated, disappointed and involved in a constant, relentless war.

Instead, I am taking back my power. My power is always in my hands. I can give my power away, and I can reclaim it, but no one can take it away from me without my permission.

I have the power to accept that I can't train for a few days and use it as an opportunity to rest and nurture myself. I have the power to choose to make the best food choices I possibly can in spite of the fact I am sick.

I have the power to accept that for whatever reason, sometimes I crave food that will deprive me of the body I have chosen to inhabit. I am not weak or flawed because I am tempted.

I have the power to decide to walk a path that is challenging and sometimes brutally difficult. I can overcome whatever obstacle is in my way because I have done it before.

I have made mistakes, and I will again, but I will never be powerless. I will always get up again, every single time I fall.

I will no longer be a victim of circumstances I cannot control. I am empowered to think and behave in whatever way I choose because of, and in spite of, my present situation.

I am, from this day forward, reclaiming my unlimited, inexhaustible personal power that will propel me towards more and more moments of victory, accomplishment and confidence.

Tracking Log Mon 8 - Sun 14 June 2009

Presents

Things I got yesterday
- a coldsore
- a sore throat
- a new pair of joggers

Weigh In 13 June

Saturday is free day and this is what today's treat was - I didn't eat all of them, but I can tell you my 2 most favourite are lemon meringue and sticky date pudding. They are only baby cupcakes so don't freak out too much. Go here to see them in their full splendour.

Have a Wonderful Day Nicole

Nicole is getting married tomorrow.

Have a wonderful day sweetheart. Enjoy every single moment. You will be the most beautiful bride ever.

Congratulations on embarking on a wonderful new journey where you will live, love, learn, laugh and grow together while always feeling safe in the knowledge that you have been forever re-united with the other half of your soul.

Where do the Mystery Calories come from? Part II

Thanks to your comments I think I have it roughly worked out (see Part I).

Calorie King does indeed add a decimal so fat is approximately 9.5 calories per gram, and protein and carbs approximately 4.2 calories per gram. It is not exactly precise or even remotely consistent because I can get today's to work out almost exactly but yesterday is still a fair bit out. I tried all sorts of permutations and then my brain exploded so I gave up.

You either trust that CK is accurate or decide not to care.

I have decided -- not to care -- but I am very sad that I get even less fat for my calorie spend because I am the fatty fat fatty fatness queen of eating fat [mmmm peanut butter, whole eggs, chicken thighs and red meat ... ]

Where do the Mystery Calories come from?

Yesterday's Calorie King said:

73.5g fat @ 9 cal/g = 661.5
190.1 + 59.8 (p/c) = 249.9 @ 4 cal/g = 999.6
Total calories = 1661.1

Yet the Calorie King total for the day is 1742 - where do the extra 80.9 calories come from? air? water? ash? fibre? magic fairy dust?

I want my 80 calories back so I can EAT them!

Doesn't make any sense unless the 4g/9g thing is wrong????? Any ideas??

80% Rule for Motivation

In order to be motivated to behave in a certain way, to DO something, the 80% rule applies.

To undertake a task more than once you require more than an 80% positive experience. If you don’t enjoy the activity a lot more than you hate it, you won’t be motivated to continue doing it no matter how many books, posters, quotes and inspirational blogs you read.

The positive component can be broken up into two parts – the immediate reward and the desire.

Try this now – list the immediate rewards you get from feeding yourself for fat loss and the desire you have to get lean. Here are mine from when I was in fat loss mode.

Reward [at least 5 things that are immediate] – the reward I get every day from sticking to my nutrition plan is
#1. the scales goes down every morning
#2. my clothes get gradually looser and bigger
#3. I have increased self esteem and confidence
#4. I can see improvements in the mirror
#5. eating the things I love

Desire [at least 5 things] – the reason I want to achieve this is because
#1. I enjoy manipulating my food choices in order to hit my calorie and macro totals for the day
#2. I want to be lean and see my muscles
#3. I am a person who needs a challenge
#4. I want to be a role model for other people
#5. I want to control food and not have it control me

The negative part is the Pain. Now list the parts you don’t like about ‘watching what you eat’. Mine again.
#1. being hungry
#2. not going out to dinner
#2. not being able to eat what I want
#2. having to eat food I don’t like
#2. feeling deprived or like I am missing out

I tried to find more than one thing that I don’t like but I couldn’t. You can see why I am motivated to eat the way I do.

Now if you are struggling to find 10 things you like about your food plan and can easily list more than 2 things you hate, then it is no wonder you find it difficult to stick to. You need to somehow eliminate the things that give you pain and if you can’t transform them into good things, then at least manage them – if I don’t like being hungry, I can eat slightly more, eat more often or take some ‘little helpers’ to manage the pain.

The other word of warning is to be careful with your reward system. If seeing the scales go down is a feature of the reward part of the equation and for some reason they don't go down, you aren’t in 80% motivation territory anymore. This is why some people all of a sudden just abandon their whole eating plan when the scales don’t move. I suggest you take it out as a reward and add it in as a bonus desire factor (#6). Replace it with something you have less emotional investment in like… no digestive issues, better sleep, or increased energy.

Your mission is to list your motivation position (Rewards + Desire – Pain) regarding nutrition and exercise. If your pain list is greater than 20% of the equation (in this example, each answer is worth 10% but you can work it out no matter how many answers you have) then you need to find ways of eliminating or managing that pain OR increase the reward and desire parts of the process to compensate.

Let me know in the comments, or on your blog how you got on. I am sure we all share some common 'pain' so elimination/reduction strategies for the negatives will be helpful to us all.

Now you will no longer wonder why you have lost your motivation ... it will be because there is too much pain (and remember it's only a small threshold) and not enough reward and desire. Feed yourself, have fun and frolic kids!!

PS: It works in reverse too - if you want to STOP an unhelpful behaviour - increase the PAIN involved and decrease the reward and desire.

Inspired by this post here

Ask Katie - For my Co-Workers

G: What is less fattening for breakfast from the cafeteria - a hash brown or a slice of cake?

Katie: What do you mean by less fattening - contains less fat or will make you fatter?

G: What will make you fatter?

Katie: Well it depends (my favourite answer). If I had to eat one of the two I would go for the hash brown.

The high fat content would slow down the digestion of carbs would keep my blood sugar stable. The hash brown would satisfy me for much longer than the cake. The cake is full of flour and sugar which would cause a sugar spike and crash. I would be hungry soon after which means I'd eat more for the rest of the day. For other people, the sugar might not make them react the same way so ... it depends.

::

R: What use is having a six pack under your clothes when no-one knows it's there?

Katie: It is like wearing sexy underwear. No one else knows, but it makes you feel sexy, confident and gorgeous all day!

::
S: How do you manage to have the willpower to train every day?

Katie: Why do you think it takes willpower?

S: Because I have to drag myself out of bed to go for a run and I hate it.

Katie: How long have you been doing that for?

S: Over a year

Katie: Wow - you have much more willpower than I'll ever have. I never even think about it. I just get up and do it - it's a habit. Every day for a year - you are amazing!

S: Oh not every day - only three times a week.

Katie: Well, there lies the problem. You can't get into a habit if you only do it 3 days a week. Go for a run that is half the length of your normal run 21 days in a row and see if you end up just doing it out of habit. Of course, if you still HATE it, find something else to do that you love. Life is to short to be miserable ...

Calorie and Macro Calculator

Sometimes it is difficult to know how many calories to be eating for fat loss and maintenance and how these calories should be split up into Protein, Carbohydrates and Fat.

I have made a calculator that you can enter data into right here on the page. It is a guide to working out how much to eat and how many grams of each macro nutrient you should be aiming for.

Fingers crossed that it works.

Why Something is Better than Nothing

There have been various studies about the Afterburn or Exercise Post Oxygen Consumption (EPOC) effect of training. In a nutshell, scientists have discovered that long after you have finished training, your metabolism is elevated for a period of time following the exercies (up to 24 hours).

Exercise after-burn, also referred to as excess postexercise oxygen consumption (EPOC), is the number of calories expended (above resting values) after an exercise bout. EPOC represents the oxygen consumption the body uses to return to its pre- exercise state. [more...]

Although experts can't agree whether long duration steady state cardio, weight training, or interval cardio produce the most metabolic disturbance, the fact remains that any exercise will burn calories while you do it, and keep your body burning more calories during the period afterwards.

If you want to boost your metabolism for the entire day, make sure you undertake some sort of training. Even if it is just a walk. It stands to reason that if you can burn more every day, then it is going to make a difference (small or large) to the amount of fat you lose, or how easily you keep it off. If you want to fire up even further, then do an additional session [10 minutes or more] later on in the day.

This is why I think a shorter training session daily is better than longer sessions 3 times a week. I have been reminded that although I need to take rest days, I should still do something physical every day to keep my metabolic fire burning.

It doesn't matter if you can't give 100% all the time, or that on a bad day you only burn half the calories that you normally do, doing something means you will reap the benefits all day long - even while you are sleeping.

Although individual responses to exercise appear to vary in terms of EPOC, the fact is that any additional caloric expenditure following exercise can add up over time and may contribute to long-term weight management. When working with clients who want to maximize energy expenditure through EPOC, focus on developing their training status so they can perform higher-intensity exercise for periods of 30 minutes or more.

In addition, regularly incorporate interval training workouts, as this type of training positively enhances EPOC. Most of the current literature supports exercise intensities at or above 70% of VO₂max for optimal energy expenditure following exercise. Additionally, encourage clients to engage in resistance training at least twice a week. Not only will resistance training maintain or increase muscle mass in weight management interventions, but studies also report a meaningful EPOC effect following high-intensity and circuit resistance training. [more ...]

Tracking Log Mon 1 - Sun 7 June 2009

The Ultimate Fat Loss Pill

You often hear people say or blog about how they spent their holiday eating more than they normally would without worrying about it, and came home lighter than when they left.

Some other people swear that if you stop losing weight on a low calorie diet, you should increase your calories and your weight will start dropping again.

And I have heard of figure competitors who stop controlling their food intake only to find that they are getting leaner without any effort.

It could be that these people have accidentally been taking the ultimate fat loss pill - enjoyment.

I seem to have stumbled upon this miracle cure myself. I no longer have any stress around what I eat, or how much I eat because I am eating the most I ever have (with respect and restraint). I don't worry that I'm having slightly smaller meals today to allow a restaurant meal tonight, because I can eat more tomorrow or the next day. I don't fret if I eat slightly more or less than I 'should'. The feelings of pressure have evaporated.

Whether it is hormonal [cortisol] or psychological [the placebo effect - this pill will cure me so I don't have to worry any more] is unknown, but I do know that when all the angst, stress, and combat are reduced or removed, then the fat seems to slip away all by itself.

Leaving me with another dilemma - I have to eat even more now to ensure I don't fade away entirely. Wow - what a fantastic problem to have.

Weigh In 5 June

2009 - 3 weeks post comp

2008 - 1 week post comp

A quick comparison to June 2008 just for future reference.

If my clothes are anything to go on, it would appear that I am still in a calorie deficit. I am planning on eating a bit more today (I already had a pre-breakfast snack of a hash brown and a whole poached egg) and Mr Katie and I are celebrating our 15 year anniversary tomorrow night by going out to dinner (we are actually going to make it to the mini burger place this time).

I was looking for a word to use instead of maintenance and I was provided with these from the Thesaurus.

I couldn't decide on my favourite - they all describe the different elements of this new adventure. It is interesting to see how many of them relate to structure and discipline: control, directing, management, protecting, supervision.

What You Wish For [An Epiphany]

When we set a goal to weigh a certain number, or to look a certain way, we have no idea what we are actually signing up for. We can imagine how we will look, and guess at how we might feel but the reality is way beyond what you expect.

I know I have said in the past that I wondered if all the pain, work and mental confusion were too much to pay for the end result. I am here to tell you that the benefit outstrips the cost more than ten times over.

If you are working hard on losing fat, building muscle and getting fit, let me let you in on what it is you will actually achieve when you get where you want to be.

★ You will look fantastic in anything you decide to wear. You can wear tight clothes or baggy clothes and you will still look lean. You can dress up or throw on tracksuit pants and a sweatshirt, and there will be no reason to change because you feel 'fat'. When you dress, instead of pulling down your clothes to cover parts of your body you don't want to see, you will get a pleasant surprise when you catch glimpses of skin.

★ You will not have nothing left to challenge you or to work on. I always felt secretly frightened that once I achieved my goal, I wouldn't know what to do with myself. When you are lean, you continue with the same behaviour it took to lose weight (planning, logging your food, training, monitoring your beliefs) but you now do it with delight. No longer do you have to have faith that your efforts will result in weight loss and body reshaping, the outcome of your efforts is plainly visible in the mirror. You don't have to hope it will work, or worry that you are doing something wrong, you know what to do and you just keep on doing it.

★ Your motivation is now incredibly strong and reinforced every time you look at yourself. You are less tempted to skip a training session or eat outside of your nutrition plan because you will lose what you have right now - you can see it, touch it and feel it. It is far easier to work to keep something you have, than to work for something that you have no guarantee of having far off in the future.

★ Every time you catch a glimpse of yourself in a window, pull on a pair of fitted jeans, or strip off to have a shower, you are reminded that you actually did it. The feelings of accomplishment, pride and self confidence flood through you afresh. When you have been conditioned to negative self talk, shame and even disgust, experiencing these new emotions almost overwhelms you. You feel like some kind a miracle has happened. Although you 'know' that you got to this place through hard work and commitment, it still feels like a fairy has waved her magic wand.

★ Being in the best shape of your life isn't the key to happiness. What it does give you is a constant low level hum of contentment that spills over into all other aspects of your life.

The way you feel when you finally achieve what you set out to, is better than you could ever imagine. If you don't take this new experience for granted, and are prepared to do what it takes to keep what you've earned, then it is not a white-knuckled precarious place that threatens to slip away from you at any moment.

It is a glorious, wonderful world of self acceptance. Your perfect body can be anything you want, but once you have it, you find that you will want to honour it, treasure it and care for it like a rare and precious gem.

Don't give up the fight. If you've fallen down, then get back up. It is not about being skinny (no-one cares whether you are skinny or not), it is not about fitting a stereotype of beauty, it is about reaching the place where you love yourself.

Please believe me when I tell you that being in calorie deficit, dragging your exhausted butt to the gym when it's raining and having to ignore the loud and persistent negative voices in your head are a small price to pay. If I had really known where this path would lead me, I would have made sure I got here as soon as I could.

Doing whatever you need to do to look the way you want is a noble and valuable pursuit. The reward is beyond wonderful. I am truly grateful, happy and at peace.

Get Paid to Lose Fat - Burn to Earn

This is not a late night TV advertisement or some pyramid selling scheme - this is the real deal.

Imagine that you are on a fully supported fat loss program with daily email accountability and feedback, and for every oz or gram that you lose in a month, your following month's fees are reduced. The harder you work, the less you have to pay.

Do you think that might give you added incentive to stick to your program? A little bit of extra motivation to do the very best you can?

How many times have you said - I wish I had a dollar for every kilo I've lost over the years? Well this is one way to make that wish a reality.

Giving you a financial incentive to lose fat is now a new feature built into to every Fat Loss Coaching 4 week nutrition or nutrition+training program. It is called the 'Burn to Earn' feature.

Weight loss is calculated by deducting your finishing weight from your starting weight on a weekly basis (a fresh start each week). The result is expressed in a percentage (like the Biggest Loser do to make it fair for everyone).

Start	End	Loss	Fat Loss %
68.5	67.2	1.3	1.89%
67.2	65.9	1.3	1.93%
65.9	65.0	0.9	1.36%
65.0	63.9	1.1	1.69%
		4.6	6.87%

As most people lose around 1-2% of their body weight a week, it is not a huge saving potential, so on the Fat Loss Coaching 4 week programs, I will DOUBLE your percentage (and round up) to arrive at your discount. So this successful person would receive 13.75 14% off their next month's coaching fees - a saving of $49 on the nutrition program.

For everyone who joins the 4 week nutrition or 4 week nutrition+training program before 30 June 2009 [including existing clients] I will TRIPLE the weight loss percentage you achieve in your first month and take that amount off the fees for your second month - in this example 20.61 21% - a saving of $73.50 .

It will only cost you $11.30 a day to start your journey to the body you've always imagined. That is less than you spend on a coffee and snacks during the day, a couple of wines at night, or your lunch from a takeaway.

And the success you achieve in the first month will make that amount even less for the next month.

You still get all the features of the individual tailored made program.

• help with setting and achieving your goals, overcoming set backs, and silencing the ‘mad monkey’
• advice on a nutritional strategy that will suit your individual likes and needs
• daily monitoring of your caloric intake with specific feedback as required
• weekly weigh ins including measurements and photos
• feedback on what your results mean and how to make adjustments
• daily email contact
• tough love when you need it
• personalised training program (if requested)
• feedback on your chosen training routine

Sign up before the end of this month to take advantage of the TRIPLE BURN TO EARN OFFER. Remember that the DOUBLE offer is now a permanent part of the both the 4 week block programs.

EMAIL ME NOW at thin-enough@optusnet.com.au
Imagine how you'll feel in 8 weeks when you are significantly leaner.

Rest Days - Who Needs 'Em?

Today was my rest day, but instead I went to the gym and pounded out Cardio Coach #6 on the cross trainer.

Why? Because I had to nothing else to do to fill in the time between waking up (5.00am) and eating breakfast (8.00am).

Turns out I feel even more spectacularly awesome!