Big Guns Come Out to Play

Weight : 14.9% ~ 9.13/52.17 = 61.3 kg
Training : 5 x 8 incline DB chest press/sumo squats : 5 x 8 cable chest/cable abs
Time : 1 hour 09 min ~ Calories : 418 ~ AHR : 113 bpm (64%)
Felt very strange and sick in the gym so I didn't do any cardio. She Hulk decided NOT sucking it up was preferable to spewing it up!
Next target : 15 Feb : 14.2% ~ 8.56/51.74 = 60.3 kg

New low for this year the morning after a carb load. It just goes to show that what shows up on the scales isn't always a direct result of what you ate the day before.

Here's a sneak peak at my biceps and the start of some shoulders.

The other thing I have been meaning to say for ages is that since I have been taking BCAA, Glutamine and Creatine [my stack LOL - sounds so wanky] my DOMs has noticably improved. I have always had problems with getting so painfully sore after training that it has made getting to the gym [and out of bed] difficult at times. I still get sore but at about 50% of the intensity of before. I never really believed all those body building potions did much, but I am now convinced that they really help with recovery at least.

You're so Vein

Here is what 229g of carbohydrates looks like coursing through my veins. Freaky eh? And yes that's a vein running up my arm, yes I have a tan line from Mr Polar, yes I write notes on my hand to remind me to do stuff and yes there is a plant in the bath tub.

BFFM Cycle 10 Weigh In - Month #1 Weigh in

Izzy weighs herself every morning - I kid you not. She usually tries to get on while I'm on the scales which doesn't help. When asked this morning why she has gained 0.5kg over the last few months she simply said "Fuck Off Fatty!"

Cycle 2 : Fat: 10.25 LBM: 52.25
Cycle 4 : Fat: 10.12 LBM: 51.58
Cycle 6 : Fat: 9.70 LBM: 51.70
Cycle 8 : Fat: 9.49 LBM: 52.11
Cycle 10 : Fat: 9.18 LBM: 52.2
diet details

Training : 5 x 8 Box squats/Rear delt machine : 5 x 8 French press/BB curl + 25 min MIIT 2:1 treadmill
Time : 1 hour 15 min ~ Calories : 595 ~ AHR : 130 bpm (74%)

Month #1 target : 30 Jan : 15% ~ 9.18/52.2 = 61.2 kg ★

Next Target : 15 Feb : 14.2% ~ 8.56/51.74 = 60.3 kg
Month #2 target : 27 Feb : 13.6% ~ 8.11/51.49 = 59.6 kg

I made it. Somehow I am not that excited. It all seems so slow ...
Just hurry up and pass the damn oats.

This Time Baby's Got Butt

Weight : 15.4% ~ 9.44/51.86 = 61.3 kg
Training : Lavender Bay Stairs x 10 ~ take that stupid fat cells!!
Time : 50 min ~ Calories : 415 ~ AHR : 133 bpm (76%)
Month #1 target : 31 Jan : 14.9% ~ 9.10/52.0 = 61.1 kg

TTOM finally arrived yesterday morning putting an end to visions of stabbing my husband with a kitchen knife and devouring the entire contents of the corner store, pizza shop and the deli [all within a 2 minute walk of my house!]. Things returned to normal as quickly as the flick of a switch.

I was hoping for a bigger drop today. I think I am a bit stuck according to the scales but I must remember that last time I got stuck in the 60's for a long time. If you look at my weigh in record from 2008 vs 2009 (it's on the sidebar but you have to scroll down a fair way - I've copied it so you don't have to bother). I am still way in front. I didn't get my drop into the 'easier to lose' territory until 65 days out. I am currently 107 days out so I have time on my side.

There was also a dental emergency yesterday when one of my temporary caps came loose so I was back to the dentist for a refit commando style (no anesthetic). I am such a health mutant that my gums have grown back so much that they had pushed my cap off. All fixed for now. I keep the temporaries for the next 3 months while the screws in my jaw are cemented in place by new bone tissue. I am hoping to have all the work completed by May so I have a dazzling smile for the comp.

The Whackness

I consider myself a bit of a psychological hypochondriac. Whenever I read a book, I have every single mental and emotional issue mentioned and I am convinced that therapy and deep introspection is the only answer because I am obviously a wee bit mental and maladjusted.

This is not such a good thing for me. Feeling that I am somehow 'broken' and doing (or not doing) things for the completely the wrong reasons messes with my delicate self esteem. If my emotional responses to life's every day decisions aren't what they are supposed to be, then I feel that I am not as 'good' a person as I should be.

So whether or not I am deluded about the state of my psychological health I have decided that these are my beliefs.

★ I want to eat because I am hungry. I am trying to trick my body into dropping fat tissue that is normal and healthy for a woman to carry. I am asking my body to be unnaturally lean and it is fighting me all the way. If I continue to take in less calories than I need, then I will experience physical hunger. If I am too severe for too long, I will binge sooner or later. It's biological.

★ I get exhausted because I am not giving my body enough fuel to train the way I do. Being exhausted makes me cry more often, get shitty more often and decreases my patience with other people. It's biological.

★ Deprivation brain triggers rebellion. I no longer tell myself that I can't eat "x" until after I reach my goal because I know I will either break the rule or spiral into uncontrolled eating as soon as the goal is reached. It's controlled by how I think.

★ Wanting a lean, athletic shape doesn't mean I only feel valued by the way I look. My motivation for dieting and training is because it is my hobby/project. It is a challenge outside of work that I can spend time each day working on. I am not shallow, self absorbed or trying to prove that I am better than anyone else. I am doing it because it's fun (in a sadistic kind of way LOL) and it brings me a sense of satisfaction and pleasure to see how I can shape my body through my daily actions.

★ I love food - including sugary sweets, deep fried fish and chips and chocolate. A warm bath might or a long walk might work sometimes, but there are days when only a big bowl of oats will make me feel better. This is how I am wired, and this is perfectly OK.

★ PMT makes me cranky and extremely hungry. It is not helped by the fact that the scales sometimes go up or at best stay the same. Once my period starts, the craziness ends almost like a switch has been turned off and I usually have a decent drop. It's biological.

★ I have just as many emotional scars from my past as anyone else, but the past has gone, and this moment is all I have. I am free to choose whatever path I want. Every mistake I make is still the best choice I can make with the circumstances and information I have at the time. F*cking up is the only way to learn and grow.

★ Life isn't meant to be easy - it is not unfair when things don't turn out the way I want them to - it is just what life is like. I am not expected to feel happy all the time. Some things won't be that much fun.

★ This life is what I have chosen. I can be a middle aged size 12-14 successful interesting woman and not have to deal with logging calories or waking at 5-30am to train before work. No one is forcing me to do any of this. I don't have to be lean and strong. It is what I choose. I am not doing it to spite my mother (or only just a bit? *joke*)

★ I am capable of achieving my body composition and fitness goals. I am not setting myself up for failure with unrealistic expectations. I am willing to do what it takes but not at the expense of my bigger goal of learning how to 'live lean AND love life' [thanks Coach!] . Carbohydrate cycling is working for me, but if it takes longer than I expect to be lean enough for the stage then I won't compete in May. After all there is always July and October and next year.

So, all the freaky shit that comes from being a figure athlete is completely normal. It happens to almost all of us. We are perfectionist, we are strong women who are vulnerable, we are driven, and we usually don't give a f*ck what anyone else thinks.

So I reckon that I don't need therapy after all.

Sucking it up like She Hulk

Weight : 15.2% ~ 9.36/52.24 = 61.6 kg
Training : 5 x 8 - military press/crunches : 5 x 8 tricep dips/hip raises + Elliptical intervals 2:1 x 25 min
Time : 1 hour 19 min ~ Calories : 625 ~ AHR : 130 bpm (74%)
Month #1 target : 31 Jan : 14.9% ~ 9.10/52.0 = 61.1 kg

False alarm re: TTOM. Still shitty and my fat cells are shrieking but it is what I signed up for - I'm sucking it up. I want to look like a goddess so I am paying the price. A bit of hunger won't kill me and I'd still be shitty whether I was fat or lean and I'd rather be lean.

Sucking it up like She Hulk.

Chest Strap Made Smaller - Carb Up

Weight : 15.7% ~ 9.7/52.1 = 61.8 kg
Training : 5 x 8 - pulldowns/leg press : 5 x 8 - bent over rows/deadlifts + treadmill incline power walk 25 min
Time : 1 hour 13 min ~ Calories : 590 ~ AHR : 131 bpm (74%)
Month #1 target : 31 Jan : 14.9% ~ 9.10/52.0 = 61.1 kg

I am sick of counting the days I am on BFFM because I am pretty much adopting this as my new lifestyle nutrition plan and it seems ridiculous to count the days for the rest of my life. From now on I will try and think of some different titles for my boring old food/training/weight posts.

There will be some huge progress this cycle because I am starting with such a small refeed spike (only 0.5kg) and TTOM arrived this morning (explains why I was so cranky and hungry yesterday). Monthly weigh in scheduled for Friday morning as that is high carb day. I know I can hit 14.9% before the end of the week.

Even if I say so myself, my arms look freaking awesome this morning. I have separation between my deltoids and biceps and between my chest and front delts. Can't wait to see them with a bit less of the fat covering them. Also my gym singlets that used to hug my body are now hanging straight down and not even touching the sides and I had to make my HRM chest strap smaller today.

Is there a resemblance?

Make your own here. Go on - it's fun!
(Idea stolen from Tearose)

BFFM Day 35 Carb Down

Weight : 15.4% ~ 9.44/51.86 = 61.3 kg
Training : 8 x Lavender Bay stairs + 5 reps x 11 sets- chest press/bent over rows : 5 reps x 15 sets - bicep curls/lateral raises
Time : 1 hour 22 min ~ Calories : 592 ~ AHR : 123 bpm (70%)
Month #1 target : 31 Jan : 14.9% ~ 9.10/52.0 = 61.1 kg

Has anyone experienced the jiggly puff→whoosh phenomenon? It is when an area of your body gets all soft and squishy for no apparent reason when previously it was quite hard, just before a drop on the scale. This jiggly squishy fat has recently appeared on my stomach and thighs.

There is a little known theory discussed by Lyle McDonald that once the fat depletes from your fat cells they temporarily fill up with water giving you a soft squishy appearance. Eventually (how long?) the water leaves and you are leaner.

Has anyone else experienced this or is it just wishful thinking?

I've just completed a brutal workout without the gym and I am ready for my oats. I wish I could remember that I ALWAYS feel better after (and during) training even when it is the last thing I feel like.

Training Totals W/E 25 January

Calories : 3397
Time : 7 hours 26 min
Count : 6 sessions

Light zone : 3 hours 23 min
Moderate zone : 1 hour 43 min
Heavy zone : 2 hours 13 min

BFFM Day 34 Carb Down

Weight : Weight : 15.7% ~ 9.62/51.68 = 61.3 kg
Training : walk
Time : 49 min ~ Calories : 300 ~ AHR : 114 bpm (65%)
Month #1 target : 31 Jan : 14.9% ~ 9.10/52.0 = 61.1 kg

I had a roast vegetable salad from the deli next door yesterday and I don't know what was in it but I have had stomach pain and bloating ever since. May explain the weird numbers today but I don't know. It was also extremely hot yesterday (42 degrees Celsius) so I might be dehydrated. The fact that I have DOMs and TTOM is due in 3 days may also be sending the readings whacky.

It always sounds like I am looking for an excuse but I am actually trying to reframe my beliefs and dispute negative thinking. Instead of thinking I have gained fat after just one item of takeaway food I am looking for other evidence to support a different conclusion.

Thought Monitoring Form [from Change Your Thinking by Sarah Endelman]

Situation: My BF% has increased 1/2% after eating a takeaway meal yesterday
Feeling: Frustration and disappointment

Thoughts: This diet isn't working if just one mystery food item [calories/carbs unknown] can make me fatter. I should go back to my last year's competition diet because I was losing at least 0.5kg a week and I am not doing that now. I can't risk eating any takeaway food. I obviously don't know what I'm doing and basing my results on BF% and not scale weight will not get me lean enough to compete.

Beliefs: I should lose weight every day. Weight loss should be faster. I can't lose weight unless I have someone else designing my program. I won't make my goal in time and will look like a failure.

Thinking error: shoulds, predicting catastrophe, jumping to negative conclusions.

Dispute: Daily fluctuations are normal with either scale weight or BF% and one day's readings don't mean anything in isolation. There are lots of things going on with my body today that could have influenced the spike. I have sore muscles, an upset bloated stomach, TTOM is due and it was extremely hot yesterday and I didn't drink enough water. I am already much leaner than this time last year so even if I have gained 0.5kg of fat in one day [which is almost impossible] I can easily lose that in a week and still be ahead of schedule. Even if I don't make it to the stage in May, I will not be a failure. The lessons I am learning every day from trusting my instincts, being accountable to myself, practicing moderation, and finding a nutritional strategy I enjoy are far more valuable than being in peak condition for one day in May. Slow steady weight loss will help ensure I keep all my muscle size - it is not a race. By designing my own program, which I am perfectly capable of doing, I am taking the next step in building a way of life rather than a goal focused short term fix.

Positive Actions: Today I will make sure I drink more water and give my body a rest day. I will try to limit takeaway food to carb up days. I will look in the mirror and see the changes and work on giving the numbers on the scale less meaning.

You should try this exercise next time you feel bad about something. It really works - I feel better already. Writing it all out makes it seem so sensible and logical.

Monster Mash Shoulder Smash

I am sick of my pissant little shoulders and I wasn't feeling very energetic when I got to the gym rather late this morning so I devised a new shoulder workout. My shoulders are now ON FIRE.

Warning: I am not a personal trainer, have barely been trained by a personal trainer so I know absolutely nothing about whether this is safe or effective. I just like being creative in the gym.

Phase One
Triple Sets - step away from the big boys weights and go get a couple of silver ones from the girly part of the gym. Trust me.

Important - stand with your back against the wall with your shoulder blades in contact with the wall at all times. The only thing you are working is your deltoids. Focus on lifting without using your arms (I know this is impossible but pretend only your shoulder muscles are doing any work).

(a) Front - front raises - single arm - without resting the non working arm (HOLD it off your thigh while the other arm works). Push the arm down, don't let gravity take over (I imagine I'm pushing down through wet concrete for some bizarre reason)
(b) Side - straight arm lateral raises - without resting at the bottom and pushing on the way down. Keep your back and shoulder blades pressed against that wall!
(c) Rear - standing bent over side raises - again tension all the way through without resting at the bottom

Do 5 repetitions of (a) then (b) then (c) before resting for as short a period as possible. Do 8 sets.

Notice your strongest area (me = rear delts) and the weakest (me = side delts) and promise yourself you'll fix this by favouring your weakest area in future sessions (if not today). I believe the goal is for them all to be equally strong.

Phase Two
Whatever other 3 shoulder exercises you feel like in single sets 5 reps x 8 sets. You might have to scale back your usual weights as your deltoids are a bit fried by now.

Overhead press 5 x 8
Cable front raises 5 x 8
Rack pulls with shoulder emphasis (shoulder roll and scapula squeeze at the top - probably highly dangerous but I get my best shoulder workout with deadlifts so I thought I just concentrate on the end bit) 5 x 8

Abs or lower back 5 x 8 (whichever is weaker)

Phase Three
Do some high intensity interval training while you can (you still have fresh legs), find the machine right in front of the airconditioning unit and discover you can go longer and faster when you are cool.

Phase Four
Stagger home with shoulders on fire, a drenched singlet and a smile on your face.

I'm glad I didn't skip it. I'll let you know tomorrow if I can't feel my arms!

BFFM Day 33 Carb Down

Weight : 15.2% ~ 9.32/51.98 = 61.3 kg
Training : monster mash shoulder smash + 16 min interval elliptical 2:1
Time : 1 hour 32 min ~ Calories : 685 ~ AHR : 126 bpm (72%)
Month #1 target : 31 Jan : 14.9% ~ 9.10/52.0 = 61.1 kg

I am so glad that I am focusing on body fat rather than scale weight because otherwise I would be thinking that I wasn't getting anywhere. If you look at the last 10 days [excluding the refeed spikes] my weight has been stuck.

But when you look at the fat column, I have lost almost 0.4kg of pure lard in 10 days while my LBM has slightly increased. That is brilliant progress - and today I hit a new BF low. Yay for getting results!

High Intensity Interval Dieting

I was thinking yesterday morning as I was doing 2:1 intervals on the elliptical [2 mins on/1 min off] that my diet is working well for me because it is like interval training compared to steady state cardio.

Instead of eating the same food, the same ratios and the same calories, day after day [I know you don't have to eat the same food but that is just the way I end up] you get 3 days of high intensity [low calorie/carb] and then one day to relax and recover.

In the same way that long steady cardio sessions suit some people perfectly - the runners, cyclists and swimmers - some of us find the same activity boring.

So to go hard and hungry for 3 days and then have a day of temporary rest suits me in exactly the same way that a short, sharp and hard interval session is so much more enjoyable than a 5km jog.

HIID - it's good fun!!

BFFM Day 32 Carb Up

Weight : 15.8% ~ 9.83/52.37 = 62.2 kg
Training : 6-12-25 assisted chinups/lat pulldowns/cable rows : DB chest press/pushups/flyes + 25 min elliptical 2:1 HITT
Time : 1 hour 17 min ~ Calories : 593 ~ AHR : 128 bpm (73%)
Month #1 target : 31 Jan : 14.9% ~ 9.10/52.0 = 61.1 kg

I consciously increased my carbs and calories yesterday in the hope that I might not run out of 'puff' so quickly on my 3 carb down days. Everything extra was clean complex carbs except 50g licorice bullets and 20ml of BBQ sauce. I kept a close eye on my sodium and fat. I ate oats, rice puffs, sweet potato, apple, and cereal. I actually had trouble fitting it all in because I had such a full tummy.

I should have added yesterday the body fat comparison from last year - I was roughly carrying the same amount of fat and less LBM on 9 March which puts me over a month ahead of last year's progress. Are you sick of all my charts and numbers? I love them, they make me feel safe.

The Hunger Paradox Part 2

From The Body Fat Solution by Tom Venuto

Many dietitians and psychologist teach that you should eat when you’re hungry. If their intention is that you need to eat in response to real physical hunger, not emotional hunger, then I agree. However, if you interpret this literally as “Always eat every time you are physically hungry” then I don’t believe it’s good advice. What if you’ve already met your caloric allowance for the day but you’re still physically hungry?

If you want to get leaner, you must establish a caloric deficit, which means you’re probably going to be hungry sometime. If you respond to every slight sensation of physical hunger as a signal to eat, you may be cancelling your calorie deficit. I’m not talking about starvation diets that create ravenous hunger. I’m talking about maintaining a small caloric deficit, tolerating a little bit of occasional hunger and having some dietary restraint.

If a caloric deficit causes fat cells to shrink and if a little bit of hunger comes with a caloric deficit then why not change your perspective. It’s not hunger; it’s the feeling of fat cells shrinking!

BFFM Day 31 Carb Down - Cycle 8 Weigh In

Cycle 2 : Fat: 10.25 LBM: 52.25
Cycle 4 : Fat: 10.12 LBM: 51.58
Cycle 6 : Fat: 9.70 LBM: 51.70
Cycle 8 : Fat: 9.49 LBM: 52.11
diet details

From Tom : Interpreting your progress chart
Lean mass stays the same and body fat decreases - Fantastic! Your diet and exercise program is working as planned and you're on your way to reaching your goal. Don't change anything. Keep up the good work.

Training : 5 reps x 8 depletion training : incline chest press/bent over rows : skullcrushers/military press/BB curls : back extensions/lateral cable raises + 20 min SS run treadmill.
Time : 1 hour 25 min ~ Calories : 610 ~ AHR : 123 bpm (70%)

It is still quite difficult to get my head around losing body fat and not just scale weight. I guess the ultimate success would be to keep all your LBM and just lose fat which would only make for very slow number decreases on the scale.

Here's my other chart to show that even though sometimes it doesn't feel like it, I am EXACTLY where I should be. I guess I have to resign myself to staying in the 61's until the end of the month. Estimated arrival in the 60's is 3 Feb and the 59's 21 Feb.

I am also adjusting my training to take into account my energy fluctuations during my carb cycle.

Carb Up - depletion workout - 5 reps x 8 sets super sets
Day 1 - 6-12-25 training 2 body parts
Day 2 - 6-12-25 training 2 body parts
Day 3 - cardio only or rest

Now to eat my oats and start this carb up day! Boy do I need it!!

Phone a Friend

When you feel like shit and are having a crappy day, talking to a friend leaves you feeling better than a huge bowl of oats and protein powder [and that's pretty damn good!].

Thank you ♥

Why Lose Weight?

When we decide to lose weight, we usually have a list of all reasons why we want to slim down. Sometimes we write out this list to provide motivation along the way.

Here are some of my reasons
♥ to have more confidence
♥ to improve my self esteem
♥ to be free from the issues I have with food
♥ to feel more sexually attractive
♥ to be less critical of myself
♥ to be happier and more content

Well, I have some bad news – weight loss alone can never bring these sorts of results. And when weight loss doesn’t bring these things, we feel cheated, disappointed usually as we approach our goal.

The only direct and immediate benefit of losing weight is that you’ll be healthier and a smaller size. Reaching your goal weight does not mean that you will love what you see in the mirror, that you will feel proud of what you have accomplished or that you will be free from the misery of self doubt, insecurity and life’s frustrations.

This is a harsh truth but makes so much sense. The rewards I expected when I reached competition weight never materialised and I felt cheated. What was the point of all that discipline and effort when the only tangible outcome was that I didn’t have any clothes that fitted me? I still felt I was carrying too much fat, I had ugly loose skin, I felt less sexually attractive because I had no breasts or curves, and my muscles were smaller than everyone else’s. I so wanted to be happy, proud and content when I reached my goal to stand on stage in a bikini but I never got the payoff I expected. Is it little wonder that it took months for me to recover from a destructive post comp starve/binge cycle?

Following a healthy nutrition and exercise program can help deliver some of the rewards you are after – a sense of accomplishment, confidence to be more physically active, an improvement in general physical well being which may increase your happiness – but being thin [or muscular and shredded] will not make any substantial difference to the life you are living right now.

The only way to get the benefits I listed as my ‘reasons’ is to work on my issues one day at a time. I can learn how to stop bingeing (or wanting to binge), learn that “it’s just food”, learn how to like what I see in the mirror every day, learn that people cherish and appreciate me no matter what I look like and learn how to turn off the harsh criticising voice in my head.

Losing weight is a fantastic goal. It will make you healthy. It won’t, by itself, increase your happiness or improve your life. Don’t expect it to, and you won’t be disappointed.

BFFM Day 30 Carb Down

Weight : 15.5% ~ 9.52/51.88 = 61.4 kg
Training : I can't feel my legs!
Time : 1 hour reading in bed
Month #1 target : 31 Jan : 14.9% ~ 9.10/52.0 = 61.1 kg

Oh my brain is exploding from all the new information - I am especially enjoying Shrink Yourself. Finally I have found some concrete strategies to deal with the 'voice in my head' that constantly criticises me [and sounds like my mother because that's where it comes from].

I am contemplating whether or not my reluctance to give up naughty treats is indicating that I continue to have emotional eating issues. Why do I need junk food and feel deprived without it? Because it gives me momentary pleasure and relief from my feelings?
Because I deserve to eat what I want like everyone else does?
Because I am a rebel and need to break the rules?
Because I am a fraud and my true nature is to just eat crap?

Too much to think about right now. There will be more at a later date.

When your mind is screaming with thoughts, you're willing to run into the comfort of food as a temporary safe-haven-anything for a few minutes of quiet. However, when you shut down your mind too many times with food, binging becomes a compulsion. That means your mind always believes it needs food to deal with stress. Once that happens, you can't control what you eat no matter how hard you try.

When the binge is over, you're filled with regret. Your mind plays a tape of how awful it was that you gave in to the binge. You probably know the words well. But that tape feels better (and more familiar) to your mind than the one that talks about the things you're afraid to face (that could be relationship issues, low self-esteem, career issues, unmet needs). The post-binge guilt gives you something else to think about.

I ♥ Amazon

My order just arrived from Amazon. I don't know which one to read first. SO EXCITED!

BFFM Day 29 Carb Down

Weight : 15.9% ~ 9.79/51.81 = 61.6 kg
Training : 6:12:25 romanian deadlifts/fitball hip raises/DB squat swings : squats/calf raises/static lunges + 15 min elliptical
Time : 1 hour 9 min ~ Calories : 580 ~ AHR : 135 bpm (77%)
Month #1 target : 31 Jan : 14.9% ~ 9.10/52.0 = 61.1 kg

I feel really tired and feel like I am completely depleted today. Not sure what is going on except maybe I am not refilling my carbohydrate stores enough now that I have ramped up the training. I am going to have oats for breakfast and see if that helps me feel more energetic.

Looks like I didn't do any damage with my 2,000 calorie day on Sunday. I am going to try the same level of calories on Thursday and have more clean complex carbs. I am also considering increasing my down days to 1500 but not just yet. I love being my own science experiment!!

The Hunger Paradox

After eating 2000 calories yesterday I am back to 1400 and feeling rather hungry. I always wonder about hunger.

On one hand, I believe there is a certain amount of low level hunger that must be endured to lose fat. You are in an energy deficit so your body (that primal ape) is telling you that it needs more food. In my mind, hunger signals that the body is searching for some fuel and is going to have to burn up those unsightly fat stores when I refuse to give in. Filling up with high fibre vegetables and drinking lots of water helps me manage the hunger, but 'empty' calories are still just that. My body isn't crying out for volume, it is crying out for calories.

But on the other hand, am I doing it wrong and is it possible to be in a calorie deficit and not feel hungry? I suppose going super low carb brings about this effect. The downside is that your energy deficit in now expressed by not having any energy to do anything. An effect that is just as annoying as being hungry.

It is worse for me the day after carb loading because I have re-ignited both my metabolism and my reliance on carbohydrates for energy . I am a metabolic furnace and the limited amount of food I consume on a carb down day is a rude shock to the system.

It is also worse on a cardio day ... something about one hour of sweating on the treadmill or spin bike makes me insatiable.

So the question remains - where is the point where you endure the uncomfortableness of hunger in order to see fat loss? When do you just listen to the loud voice of the ape and eat more because you obviously need it?

Thoughts?

BFFM Day 28 Carb Up

Weight : 17.5% ~ 10.92/51.48 = 62.4 kg
Training : Cardio Coach #6
Time : 1 hour 12 min ~ Calories : 629 ~ AHR : 138 bpm (78%)
Month #1 target : 31 Jan : 14.9% ~ 9.10/52.0 = 61.1 kg

Yesterday I was in desperate need of a feed so I had higher calories than normal in the form of a treat meal - fish and chips followed by sticky date pudding - YUM! Didn't trigger a binge and ate on plan for the rest of my meals.

I feel a little crappy today, it is probably the wheat [batter and SD pudding]. Back to work today with an important meeting at 0900 so I only did cardio today to shorten my time at the gym. Cardio Coach is so much fun - the time goes by so quickly.

Monkey Madness

Your body is an animal, an intelligent and very sensitive ape, which has this amazing mind living in it. Sometimes these two aspects, body and mind, can be very separate. Even worse, some people disdain or dislike their body. This can have a terrible physical effect.

From the body's point of view, it is like living with a constantly disapproving adult. Children and animals wither in this kind of company and become defensive, resentful and victimized. A disapproving adult is a recipe for tension and anxiety.

This is precisely what happens in your own body if you do not appreciate it and care for it. The monkey creature which is your biological body will feel disliked and alienated. Ignored and rejected by its own mind, the body automatically tenses, It lives in a state of subtle but ongoing fear and produces stress hormones. Frozen, it is unable to feel the positive vitality of life in and around you.

To maintain its health and well being, its vitality and its feelgood, your body requires some of your attention.

What is your relationship with the animal that is your body? Do you like it? Do you care for it? Do you give it affectionate attention? In fact, do you have any awareness at all that your moods and thoughts anchor down into your physical body and generate health?

If you mental attitude to your body is detached, frigid, utilitarian, stoic, embarrassed, ashamed, resentful or harsh in any other way, this sends an ongoing signal of disapproval and alienation into the body. This in turn causes ongoing tension and perpetual anxiety.

You mind should give your body warmth, affection, encouragement, love, enthusiasm, care and extended authentic positive attention.

Ecologically, your physical body is the major environment in which your mind lives. You mind therefore needs to care for for it in an environmentally friendly way. Food and exercise are important, as is the attitude that you direct towards it.

Remember that the nearest living creature for you to look after is your own body, the naked ape

William Bloom "The Endorphin Effect"

BFFM Day 27 Carb Down

Weight : 16.1% ~ 9.87/51.43 = 61.3 kg
Training : 6-12-25 arnold presses/upright rows/lateral raises : decline crunches/bicycle crunches/fitball crunches + Cardio Coach #3 + walk
Time : 1 hour 47 min ~ Calories 843 ~ AHR : 130 bpm (74%)
Month #1 target : 31 Jan : 14.9% ~ 9.10/52.0 = 61.1 kg

Spent all of yesterday lying around feeling miserable and hungry. Lucky it is high carb day today and I just finished off a bowl of oats which is an instant fix for everything.

I have been on Burn the Fat Feed the Muscle carbohydrate cycling for one whole month today. In that time I have lost just over 2 kilos. It seems to be working so I am going to stick with it.

BFFM Day 26 Carb Down

Weight : 15.2% ~ 9.39/52.41 = 61.8 kg
Training : rest
Month #1 target : 31 Jan : 14.9% ~ 9.10/52.0 = 61.1 kg

Due to the creatine [I think] I have gained scale weight again but my BF% has dropped half a percent. I have now decided [after spending the last 2 hours doing endless maths] that I am going to concentrate on FAT loss rather than a scale number to determine success.

My goal is to be carrying only 5.5kg of fat while maintaining 50kg of LBM one week out from the competition [around 10% BF] . Last year I came in one week out at 11.4% BF which is 6.3kg of fat and 48.9kg of LBM. So I am aiming for approximately 1 kilo less fat and 1 kilo more of everything else. There is no point relying on show day stats because depletion and loading screws with my water balance which is how my scales read BF%.

I know it is all rather complex and the BF% numbers from my scales are comparative and not absolute but I can tell that I am getting leaner every day and relying on just scale weight which is all over the place is doing my head in. I also realise that it is not an exact science and I will lose LBM [not necessarily muscle] along the way but my primary focus is on the fat component.

Bottom line is I am well on track to hit my revised January target which is now expressed in FAT loss rather than WEIGHT loss.

And here is some more Pauline for inspiration ...

Forgotten Benefits of Fitness

It is 10 days since I had major oral surgery. I had my front 4 teeth extracted and implants put in the side two (the front two are now a bridge). It was fairly major surgery although I quite enjoyed it as I opted to take a mega dose of Valium and be conscious but stoned the whole way through.

Today I had my check up visit and the stitches out. The dentist asked "Did you have any swelling, or bruising? Was/is it very painful? Are your gums still tender? Have you been able to eat? Any bleeding? Can you brush your teeth?"

Let me tell you that aside from a bit of discomfort I was up and about the following day picking Shelley up from the airport. We went out to a show that night. The day after (2 days after surgery) I was back in the gym.

No swelling, bruising, pain, tenderness, or bleeding. I can eat normally [ha! normally ... um I can eat like a normal figure athlete in comp prep] and I have been brushing my teeth since the second day.

The dentist shook his head - "That is amazing - you are so tough. I have never had a patient recover so quickly before. You must be super healthy".

He is right. The benefits of fitness go way beyond just looking and feeling good. Your body functions in optimum health. You don't get sick as often, you don't need as much sleep and any damage to your body is healed quickly. I also suspect that we have a higher pain threshold than 'normal' folk because we embrace pain almost every day.

So next time you are debating whether all this effort is really worth it [after all - who really cares what you look like?], remember that great food, supplements, physical exercise and a conscious connection with your body will guarantee that every last cell of your body can function the way it was designed to.

Makes you almost feel invincible ...

BFFM Day 25 Carb Down

Weight : 61.6 kg [wrong way dickhead!]
Training : 6-12-25 ~ assisted tricep dips/skull crushers/cable pushdown : BB curl/decline DB curl/cable curls + 20 min MIIT treadmill
Time : 1 hour 10 min ~ Calories : 470 ~ AHR : 120 bpm
Month #1 target : 31 Jan ~ 60kg

I started taking creatine yesterday. Although the scales went up this morning my BF% has dropped. Hopefully this is correct : -

Off to the dentist again today to get my stitches out. Last day of my official holidays today but secretly I'll be glad to get back to work on Monday.

BFFM Low Carb Day in Pictures

Warning: I don't eat enough vegetables. Please do not consider me the poster child for BFFM as I could make some healthier, cleaner choices.

Hang on - why am I apologizing? This is me, this is what I eat, and it works for me so read it and weep ...

Post Work Out
Creatine, BCAA, Glutamine
Multivitamin, fat burner, fish oil, magnesium, chromium, zinc, vitamin C

Breakfast
Protein pancakes with maple syrup and yogurt

Lunch
Chicken, cream cheese, beetroot and salad rice cakes

Snacks
Sugar free chocolate, protein bar, peanut butter and cheese, ice cream (not all at once!)

Dinner
Chicken stir fry with cream cheese and cranberry sauce

Day Total