Gratitude #101

Today I am grateful for all the things I didn't earn, achieve through my efforts, work for, or deserve. You could say I am 'lucky' to have these things, but it is not luck, it is simply how things are in the part of my world that doesn't require me to be worthy.

♥ I am thankful that I can wake up each morning in a warm bed with my loving husband laying beside me
♥ I am thankful that I am a morning person and I can sit at my desk and drink a hot cup of tea while I watch the sun rise over the harbour
♥ I am thankful for the person who grew the tea, the person who transported it in their truck, the shopkeeper who put it on the shelves and the money in my pocket that enabled me to buy it.
♥ I am grateful that I have a comfortable house that gives me shelter and safety
♥ I am thankful that I have two strong legs that take me wherever I want to go. I am grateful that I have strong, capable muscles that enable me to love walking and running
♥ I am blessed to have a fully functioning body - eyes to see, ears to hear, arms and hands, a heart that pumps blood, lungs that provide oxygen, organs that digest and eliminate the toxins, a healthy mind, and skin to hold me all together
♥ I am thankful that I have healthy, nourishing food to eat when I am hungry that someone grew, transported and delivered to me
♥ I am grateful for fresh, clean water, a hot shower, washing my hair and brushing my teeth
♥ I am thankful that I can walk to a jetty and catch a ferry to work
♥ I am blessed that I have a job that I am good at, people who support me, and an adequate pay packet
♥ I am grateful that my colleagues give me compliments on both my appearance and my performance
♥ I am thankful that I am comfortable speaking in public and I have a quick brain that learns quickly and retains information
♥ I am blessed that I have a thirst for knowledge, an open mind, and enjoy learning something new every day
♥ I am grateful that I have a mentor/coach who is thrilled to spend time helping me
♥ I am thankful that I have wonderful friends who love and support me no matter how bratty I am
♥ I am blessed that I have a husband who adores me and a kitty who loves me unconditionally because of who I am not what I do
♥ I am grateful that yoga centres me and the company pays for me to do it
♥ I am thankful that I love to read and I can express myself through writing
♥ I am blessed that I have a sense of humour
♥ I am grateful that I am not afraid to make mistakes
♥ I am blessed that I am emotionally balanced
♥ I am thankful that I have all these things that I don't have to be 'good enough' to deserve

When I identify all the things that have be given to me, it reminds me that I don't have to work hard for joy and happiness. I don't need to be the 'best' to have all these wonderful things in my life.

I am carefully unravelling my core belief that tells me I need to be a setting challenging goals and achieving them in order to be happy. I am questioning whether waiting until I am successful (or more successful than others) to feel proud and happy is causing me pain. I have been earning my happiness through my actions and suffering the harsh judgment of my inner critic when I'm not perfect. I will never be good enough because I just keep setting the bar higher and higher ~ losing weight turned into being a gym junkie, turned into competing with a coach, turned into competing without a coach, turned in to staying competition lean all the time ...

The question is ... does good enough, or not good enough really even matter when I already have all these wonderful gifts I didn't need to struggle or strive for?

Could it be possible to live effortless, beautifully and magically?

*whispers*   holy fuck ... I had no idea where this was going to end up when I started writing it ... it's like it just comes from nowhere!

Reframing #102

Is it a photo or a movie?

When I think about my favourite (unhealthy) food I imagine a still photo. I see the food big, colourful, and close. I smell its wonderful aroma and imagine how it will taste in my mouth. I see a vivid picture in my head.

If I change that photo into a movie, and let it run from the beginning to the end, my experience changes. I see myself eating the food, then eating more and more until I am uncomfortable. I feel my bloated stomach as I climb into bed and experience a night of disturbed sleep. I can feel the disappointment and self criticism that follows and suddenly the food isn't as attractive as that photo I had in my head.

When I think about going on a diet I imagine a photo. It is a picture of me standing on the scales and the number flashing back at me gives me a wave of pleasure. It is a wonderful thrill that I miss.

If I change that photo into a movie, and let it run from beginning to end, my experience changes. I see myself restricting my calories, exercising until I drop and being tired, cold and miserable the whole time. I see myself reaching that magic "lowest weight ever" number on the scales but the movie doesn't stop there. It is biologically impossible for me to be in a restrict my food without the bingeing that follows. I watch my self-control and will power slip away as I binge again and again until I have regained all the weight I have lost. I can see the entire miserable cycle and suddenly the gratification of losing weight through calorie restriction and over exercising isn't as attractive as the photo in my head.

It has been said that all poor decisions are based on photos - glorifying one moment in time; and all good decisions are based on movies - considering the action and its consequences over time.

Next time you are faced with a decision, make sure you are seeing the entire movie from start to finish and not just a single snapshot frozen in time. If you make this choice, how will you feel at the end of the day, and how will you feel tomorrow?

Are your decisions based on a photo or on a movie?

Reframing #101

The only thing that makes me abandon my resolve to take great care of myself is pain. It can be emotional pain ~ frustration, boredom, failure, sadness, loneliness, confusion; or physical pain ~ sore muscles, headache, tiredness, cramps, indigestion. My instant escape valve from pain is to eat something I consider a treat, and to eat a lot of it, because the longer I am involved in the sensory delight of eating, the longer I can forget about the pain.

Unfortunately, when the eating is done, I have a whole lot more pain to deal with ~ disgust, a sense of failure, and a desire to punish myself to make amends for my lack of control. I increase the level of pain in my life which guarantees that sooner or later I'll end up self medicating with food again. And so the cycle continues ...

Imagine a recent time when you did something that you regret, and are ashamed of. I bet it had something to do with food, didn't it? Was it that extra helping of dessert? Or that handful of sweets stuffed down your throat while no-one was looking? Or did you just keep going back for more and more peanut butter until the jar was empty? As you remember every detail of that episode, how does it make you feel? Better or worse than before you thought about it?

We give every event in our lives meaning. Our actions and feelings following events depend on the meaning we give to the event. Normally this meaning is given unconsciously. We can't change how we feel about something by deciding to think conscious positive thoughts, but we can use a little brain magic to improve our unconscious reactions ~ it is called REFRAMING. And the best part is that is simple, instant and permanent.

This is what I see in my head when I think about the other day when I ate something crappy when I was tired, frustrated and needed to escape from feeling bad. This picture reminds me that I was out of control, disgusting and weak. I need a good slap and more discipline. I need to get tougher on myself because I can't be trusted to 'eat what I want' when this is what I do. There is no way I am loving and accepting that!




Now I imagine the same image but I turn down the colour, I make it blurry and out of focus, I make it appear smaller by surrounding it with white space and I add a frame.

This image is exactly the same but completely different. How do I feel about this view of the same event?
What do you feel when you look at this picture?

I can see someone who is hurting, someone who in pain and needs comfort. There is a fragile vulnerability that is compelling and beautiful. There is no way that this person needs more rules, more discipline or punishment, they need love and understanding. I need love and understanding. I need to take better care of myself and treat myself with kindness. The feelings of powerlessness, disgust and weakness have been replaced with feelings of compassion. I can deeply and completely love and accept this image of myself.

Try scrolling back up to the original picture. I bet you can't look at it in the same way as you did before. Your feelings have changed permanently because your perspective has changed.

I didn't repeat positive affirmations for days on end, I didn't go to therapy to figure out why I eat as a coping strategy, and I didn't write a list of all the things that I have done successfully. I literally REFRAMED the picture in my head by altering the colour, sharpness, size and surroundings of the same image. My subconscious mind now adds a different meaning to the event without me needing to 'work through it'. I am now in a powerful positive emotional state where I have access to my skills, imagination and motivation to change the outcome.

Hokey pokey brain magic ... and there's much more where that came from ...

[who knew Photoshopping was a weight mastery technique!]

Weight Mastery ~ It's Like Learning to Dance

For those of us who are high achievers and perfection seekers, the idea of replacing our strictly controlled diet and exercise regime with trusting our bodies seems like an excuse to lower our standards. It might work for overweight people who currently live on cream cakes and chocolate, but we're athletes. We require a scientifically tested nutrition and training regime because we desire extraordinary results - hell, being normal doesn't cut it. We aspire to be masters of the whole body composition arena ~ we demand high levels of fitness, symmetrical musculature and low levels of body fat.

But what does weight mastery really mean? Let's discuss it in the context of learning to dance [adapted from the Four Stages of Swing Dancing Proficiency ~ I can't link it for some reason but it is the first google result if you go here]

1. Unconscious Incompetence ~ Mayhem
At this first stage of awareness, a dancer has never given the subject of dancing any conscious thought. She has never been formally introduced to it and, until she takes her first basic level dance class, she is really at a stage of unawareness because she is simply unconscious of her incompetence.

2. Conscious Incompetence ~ Regulation/Rules
At this second stage of awareness, the new dancer has been formally introduced to dancing and she now fully appreciates its social and recreational potential. She has taken several basic level classes but she realizes that her performance is marginal at best and that she needs to take many more dance classes and workshops to sharpen her skills.  She is grateful for any helpful tips that might improve her dancing. This is the awkward stage for the new dancer. At this point in her training, she is more prone to be repeatedly answering the question: "how long have you been dancing" rather than "where do you dance." All in all, the conscious incompetent clings to her think-step pattern, like a new western horseback rider clings to his saddle horn.

3. Conscious Competence ~ Management
At this third stage of awareness, the dancer has completed all of the Basic and Intermediate level classes, and she is now an accomplished, well rehearsed dancer. She almost always executes her steps flawlessly in every direction to varying tempos of the music. All in all, she has developed into a smooth dancer who confidently performs the different patterns that she has learned over the years. The conscious competent dancer knows what she is doing!

4. Unconscious Competence ~ Mastery
At this final, fourth stage of awareness, the dancer has achieved the highest level of proficiency where she has cultivated a signature style that transcends being well rehearsed; instead, she has become just as intimately familiar with each inherent part of the patterns that she has learned over the years, as she is with the overall patterns themselves. As Advanced level dancer, she can intuitively "mix and match" the specific handwork and footwork elements of different patterns to create new patterns, and she has the versatility to frequently intersperse steps from other dance disciplines to physically embrace the beat of the music. Simply put, the unconscious competent is the dancer that the dancers enjoy watching!

I previously thought that weight management was the ultimate goal of the health and fitness lifestyle. I thought that if I understood and applied all the best nutrition and training advice I would achieve and maintain the body of my dreams. But I discovered that I needed constant vigilance, intense willpower, and high stakes (competing) to keep me on track.

I now know that to become a master of my health and well being, I need to transcend to the level of Mastery. By listening to the wisdom of my body, connecting with my thoughts and feelings, and moving beyond conventional advice I can unleash my true potential. I want to physically, emotionally and spiritually embrace life without having to think through every action. Weight Mastery is the next step in proficiency - it requires more skill and delivers more satisfaction then merely following a set of rules.

Don't settle for Level 3, push yourself out of your comfort zone and take your first tentative steps into Unconscious Competence. Become the dancer that other dancers enjoy watching!

The Universe Speaks Again

Try this site Vital Life Affirmations

Select a free affirmation card from our pack of positive affirmations. Just be prepared to listen to your inner voice when you pick one. Be alert for affirmations that you have a strong reaction to.

You can shuffle the positive affirmation cards by pressing the shuffle link, then simply choose an affirmation card by clicking on it.

It's amazing how often "just the right" affirmation comes to just the right person. Try it for yourself!

And look at the four cards I turned over ...

The Next Step ~ Your Very Own Lifestyle Coach

I was listening to a podcast today not specifically related to the "Fuck It" Diet self care and I couldn't understand 99% of what he was talking about.

I promise I am not taking the piss but if you can interpret the following, please let me know ~

We will introduce you to the different types of matrices that we all must interface with, evolve through and be regulated by. Some of the prevalent matrices are: the Solar System, society and governments, the physical body with the womb as a matrix (which regulates all matter with it) the mind, the emotions are also a matrix; the medical world is a matrix and the world of electricity with machines, devices, and the internet are all examples of various matrices that operate simultaneously in layers through our lives. We all must evolve at the same time to have some kind of alignment to the greater needs and usages of the matrices we operate and perceive life through. We also are seeking to live beyond the physical matrix that is controlling us, the social matrix that is containing us the psychological and environmental matrices that are propelling us and the spiritual matrix which is directing us.

The 1% I understood was ~

Individuals come to a point where they have reached the limit of their own proficiency.

Although this statement was referring to the fact that we will eventually need to connect with the energy of other travellers on the same journey in order to reach our true potential it reminded me that one of the most important steps in moving beyond dieting is to listen to the wisdom of my ultimate lifestyle coach ~ my physical body.

My mind has been busy for 5 years researching, learning, studying and integrating all the information I could get my hands on concerning nutrition, human movement and basic motivation. I have concentrated on my intellectual growth and now I have reached the limit of proficiency. The secret to taking great care of my body isn't found in a book, on the interweb or from an expert.

The secret is paying attention to my body.

My body - hormones, endocrine system, digestion, cellular renewal, sensory receptors, blood, muscle and bones - all work together in seamless cooperation. I am in charge of a complex organism that I barely understand. Yet my inflated sense of ego tells me that my brain knows best and my body is trying to betray me so I should ignore it's messages of hunger, fullness, cravings and pain.

This is my greatest folly, and the simplest to remedy.

The way to take great care of my body is to listen to its clear and persuasive voice. Once I quieten the monkey chatter in my brain, my body will guide every decision that I make.

How does this work practically?

When I wake in the morning I concentrate on feeling the sensations in my muscles as I move. Am I stiff and sore, or just a bit tender in places? Do I have energy and vitality or am I dragging myself around? Do I have pain or discomfort in the places I usually get sick (head and stomach)?

With that data I contemplate my training decision for the day. I imagine a couple of scenarios - weight training,  cardio, walking, stretching, yoga, or nothing - and notice how the thought of each makes me feel. If I feel a sense of calmness and peace when I think of what I'll do, then I go right ahead. Right now, most mornings I run through the following sequence ~ yoga (10 x sun salutes), walking meditation (10 minutes connected with my breath), 4 sets 12 reps of one lift (connected with my breath and the muscle I am working), 10 more sun salutes, finished off with meditation. I love every moment of it, I feel energised and awake afterwards, and my muscles are pleasantly sore the next day. I have a particularly "super" TTOM at the moment which is probably driving this gentler choice of movement, but as I write this I predict a good sweaty run will soon be on the cards.

I also use my body's innate wisdom to inform my food choices. At meal times I stop, empty my mind, place my hands on my stomach and listen carefully to see if I am hungry. I imagine the food choices in my head and notice my physical reaction to each one. I also consider how the food will make me feel between now and the next meal. I have noticed that sometimes I feel like more carbs (oats for breakfast instead of protein pancakes) and sometimes I need more fat ... almond, brazil nut and cashew butter goes with everything! My 'cravings' are indicators I what I need to eat, rather than what I should resist. When I listen, I am quickly satisfied and the craving goes away.

I eat until my stomach is physically full. I need to keep checking in with my body because my brain tells me that feeling full is overeating. I take my lead from the portions other healthy people eat - especially the naturally slender ones who eat far more than I ever did on a diet.

In between meals I also pay attention to how I'm feeling. I have noticed that apples appear to make me hungry. What they actually do is give me heartburn and I associate stomach pain with hunger so I think I need to eat. It's not 'fruit' as a category because I can happily munch on a banana without any issues.

I usually get breakfast just right [probably because I am most centred first thing in the morning], but lunch is pretty hit and miss [because I have to decide what I'm taking to work in the morning and sometimes I don't feel like it when lunch rolls around but I don't have time to go searching for something else]. If I don't feel satisfied in the afternoon, I simply grab some nuts or fruit to hold me over until I get home. Dinner is the most fascinating of all. Last night I had a marinated baked chicken breast and roast veggies. I was wasn't quite contented at the end of the meal so I went back and had more veggies. Other nights I will have dessert which is usually a warmed banana, nut butter and light toffee ice cream. Last night I had one square of chocolate.

My body has stopped being the enemy. I don't crave junk, and if I feel like something that is processed I have a bite or two and then I'm fine. Last night the boys were eating hot pull apart bread and I had a piece that was 2 bites and walked away [I have been known to eat an entire loaf on my own covered in butter but these days I can't even fathom why I would want to eat the whole loaf ...].

As mentioned, I am in the midst of a proper period, not just one day of spotting, so my hormonal system is healing. I am pooping on my own which is astounding considering the length of time I took laxatives twice a day so my digestive system is back on line. I am no longer constantly freezing because it is summer at last because my thermostat is functioning again. My skin is healthy, my hair is shining and my nails are strong.

And it is entirely possible I am releasing some excess fat cells but I don't know for sure because I keep forgetting to stand on the scales when I first get up. If my "bloated period stomach + after huge breakfast + two giant cups of tea + haven't pooped yet" recent weigh in data is anything to go by, I'm certainly not getting any fatter.

My body is the expert and it knows what it needs. All I need to do is listen with my heart and remember that my thoughts ... have reached the limit of their own proficiency.

Let Your Light Shine from the Inside

Not quite what I meant!

Taking the First Step

So Katie, I'm sick of all this dieting, punishing myself in the gym, feeling like a failure all the time, and so consumed with how I look that I am missing out on my family, my friends and my life. You say the only way to have the body and the life of my dreams is simply taking great care of myself ... but where do I start?

The very first step on this amazing journey is to recognise that whatever you are doing now isn't working. It hasn't worked for you even though you've given it your very best shot. You've set goals, you've been motivated, you've put in the hard work, you wanted it more than anything in your life, and yet you end up falling in a heap over and over again.

You have been strong and committed to the traditional principals of weight loss for a long, long time and yet you still have to push yourself to get to the gym and the smell of hot chips or freshly baked bread makes you weak at the knees. Instead of it getting easier, it feels like it's getting harder.

Consider your daily thoughts and actions and ask yourself if you would wish this life on your best girlfriend or on your daughter. If you could swap yesterday with someone you loved, would you be giving them a gift or a day of misery? If you wouldn't want someone you care for to have to walk in your shoes for one day, then you are not taking great care of yourself.

If you want, more than anything else, for the torture to end then you are ready to change. You have to want it more than being lean, more than a number on the scale and more than feeling in control. You have to hold on to the belief that there is another way, and it will work if you give it a chance.

Then, the next time you are hungry, decide what you would like to eat, add up the calories, fat grams and carbs in your head (because you will) and then say the magic words "Fuck It" and eat it anyway. Then refuse to feel guilty -- repeat to yourself : even though I feel like I've been bad/weak/indulgent/undisciplined I deeply and completely love and accept myself.

Tomorrow morning when you walk in the door of the gym with your pre-planned training schedule, say the magic words "Fuck this Shit" and go play on a piece of equipment while you read a trashy magazine, get a massage, or go for a slow walk while listening to your breath and the sounds of nature. Then refuse to feel guilty -- repeat to yourself : even though I feel like I've been bad/lazy/weak/undisciplined I deeply and completely love and accept myself.

It will feel like you have given up, that you have no discipline, that you will get fatter and fatter by the minute, but you won't. You have great habits and your body knows that good food and an active lifestyle makes you feel amazing. You have taught it well and it will not let you down.

It may be uncomfortable to take away all the rules and follow your instincts and sometimes things will seem to get worse before they get better [I binged more frequently at the beginning but my binges were less intense and didn't last as long], but I can guarantee that just when it seems like you're doing everything wrong you will find your miracle.

One day the emptiness inside will disappear, food will just be food, you'll pass on the chips because you honestly don't feel like them, and you will move your body because it makes you happier than sitting still.

And best of all, you will have all this extra time on your hands and space in your head to play with your kids, write a book, paint, sing, hug the cat, and marvel at the miracle of being alive and aware of your blessings. You will be happy, you will be at peace and the beauty you feel inside will manifest itself in your best body ever.

A New Paradigm - Self Care, Here and Now

Paradigm :

A set of assumptions, concepts, values, and practices that constitutes a way of viewing reality for the community that shares them.

For me, there are now so many things wrong with the concept of a 100 Day Challenge and counting the days. What I am counting down to? Is my life really a challenge? Is this fixation on time and numbers of benefit?

A New Paradigm

I choose to take great care of myself in this moment right here, right now. I observe my thoughts and replace the negative with the positive. I listen to my body and eat food that gives me the most pleasure over the longest time. I move with joy and ease. I do what makes me happy and alive every moment of every day.

There is no time, there is no tomorrow, my life is not a giant countdown clock to the next event, I choose to be happy right now.

Achieving a fit, lean, healthy body is not the measure of success but the by-product of living a life of nurturing self care and self love.

Join the revolution - if you believe that true happiness in found in the alignment of body, mind and spirit [or head, heart and health] then shift your focus from achieving the perfect body to living an authentic life of joy, peace, love and laughter.

After all, that is the goal of the goal right? You want to be lean, fit and healthy so you can increase the joy in your life. Why wait for a number - a day, a date, a scale reading, a BF %, a dress size - dive right in to happiness today by feeling comfortable and at ease with who you are on the inside.

Let's shake up this community where we fixate on how much we weigh, how many calories we ate and how much we burned in the gym and make celebrating our continuous improvement and learning from our mistakes the cornerstone of our evolution. Let's transform our assumptions, concepts, values and practices.

When we change our thinking, our beliefs, and our identity and connect with God/the universe/our collective energy, then today is an incredible gift and our future is beyond our imagination.

Oh how this thrills my heart ...

What do I want? I want the joy, the sass, the bliss that comes with knowing I'm living my life EXACTLY the way I want to, and EXACTLY the way God intended. Having a buff, sexy body will be a sweet bonus. Not the end goal, just a symptom of living a healthy, happy life.

I'm holding on for my miracle. I'm not going anywhere till I get it and when I get it, I'm never letting go. ♥ Liimu

100 Day Challenge - Day 41 - Help ! The Sky has Fallen

This is what I woke up to this morning. So I went straight back to bed. No training required when it's the end of the world or when you have TTOM like a motherfucker!

The End

Monster Dust Storm Blankets Sydney

100 Day Challenge - Day 42 - I Was the Most Beautiful

An English naval officer was marooned on a remote island in the South Pacific. He had befriended a native man to whom he was constantly trying to prove his superiority. For the Englishman, everything was a contest. This puzzled the native, for whom life was fun, like a game.

One day the Englishman, in a typical fashion, threw down a challenge to the native. Pointing out a spot about half a mile down the beautiful sandy beach, he announced, "We will have a competition from here to that distant point."

The native agreed. The Englishman, always taking charge of things, set up the conditions: "We will train in our own style, privately, for two weeks. On the fourteenth day, we will compete."

When the day arrived, they took their places on the starting line and set off. With his usual intensity, pushing himself to the limit of his physical ability and grimacing with the strain, he drove himself through the sand until, gasping for breath, he lunged for the finish line. Exhausted and soaked in sweat, he turned to see how his opponent was doing.

To his joy and amazement, the native was only about halfway to the finish line. The Englishman watched him float gracefully along the shoreline with long, comfortable strides, a smile on his handsome face. When he finally pranced across the finish line he found the Englishman jumping and down and shouting "I won! I won!"

The native looked at the Englishman in disbelief. "What? You won? No, I won, I was the most beautiful!"

from
Body, Mind, and Sport: The Mind-Body Guide to Lifelong Health, Fitness, and Your Personal Best

100 Day Challenge - Day 43 - Get Some Meditation in Your Guts

Simply Being   [click on the grey arrow]
Relaxation Break
from

What Would I Like Instead?

Following on from yesterday's post listing my past issues [my 'away from' motivation], this post is to document what would like instead. This is my 'towards' motivation. This is my dream.

I am easily and effortlessly ...

• eating three main meals a day at roughly the same times, with an afternoon snack and occasional dessert
• eating food that tastes good while I eat it and continues to make me feel good over time without worrying too much about calories, carbs, fat or protein content
  
• eating only when I am hungry 
• seeing food primarily as a source of energy and health
• eating appropriate portions of food that keep me satisfied until the next meal
• varying my intake to my level of activity
• self correcting when I overindulge by either waiting until I'm truly hungry again or making lighter choices at the next meal
• eating whatever I feel like at restaurants, social occasions and celebrations while considering how my choices will make me feel at the end of that day
• using mistakes as an opportunity to learn by thinking through how I will do things differently next time
• recognising and understanding the feedback my body gives me both before and after eating
• calm and relaxed around food knowing that cake eaten with love beats carrots eaten with stress
  
• taking great care of myself
• exercising only to enjoy the vitality and energy it gives me
• enjoying a fully functioning digestive system that makes the optimal use of my food and eliminates the toxins
• taking time for personal hygiene/grooming every day
• recording my behaviours, thoughts and circumstances so I can repeat my successes and overcome my triggers
• accepting that I am beautiful, talented, giving and loved because of who I am not how I look
  
• thankful that I have a strong, functioning body that enables me to interact with the world
• measuring my progress by how I feel rather than a number on a machine
• wearing clothes that fit perfectly, suit my shape, express my personality and make me feel great
• trusting my instincts and my self awareness to tell me what food and exercise will nurture inner peace and joy
• spending more time with my husband and friends without worrying about what they are eating
• living an authentic life
• transforming and evolving to become my best self because this is my destiny
  
• attracting positive thoughts, happiness and limitless opportunites for growth and development into my life
  
• practicing new ways to re-new my mind, body and spirit
• aligning my thoughts, habits, beliefs, values, and intentions to achieve wholeness
• making continuous improvements
  
• re-connecting to my divine nature
• grateful for the journey so far
• going to bed at night contented and happy and waking each morning excited by the adventure of simply living

The best thing is that all of these amazing things are not just going to become reality one day in the future, they are my reality now. All I have done is change my perspective, re-set my internal compass and each day is truly wonderful already.

Instead of spending time and energy chasing away the darkness, it feels like I have simply switched on the light. Although it feel like a miracle and I don't understand it (like I don't understand electricity) and I have been worried that the changes wouldn't last, I now realise that the only way the darkness can return is if I switch off the light again. It has just occurred to me that I only need the light on to get through the night because soon the sun will rise and turn the darkness into a distant memory that exists only in the past.

I have honestly never felt better in my life -- I am happier than any scale number could ever make me, I am full of joy that outstrips the feeling of being too small for my jeans, and prouder than I have ever felt standing on stage in the best physical shape of my life.

It is like I have been wearing a pair of high heels one size too small all day, and I have finally kicked them off. Those shoes are going in the bin!!

A Confession : I Have an Eating Disorder

Ever since I read the painfully honest posts by Raechelle and Liz admitting to their inner demons, I have been wanting to tell you this secret. The cold hard fact is that what started out as wanting to 'drop a few kilos' has turned into a raging, all consuming, self inflicted eating disorder and pretending my behaviour is 'healthy' living or 'contest prep' is simply lying to myself and to everyone else.

If I step outside of myself and view my behaviour from the perspective of someone who cares for me, it is obvious that things have been out of control for more than a few years. In my mind I have convinced myself that doing this stuff is completely normal.

Here is what my eating disorder looked like at rock bottom ...

• weighing all food (including egg whites, lettuce and diet cordial) and adjusting portions to be exactly the right amount (that extra gram of pumpkin had to go back in the container)
• having food scales at home and in my handbag in case I eat out and don't know the weight of the food
• recording everything in a online calorie counter including the calories in diet soda and fish oil tablets
• feeling anxious and upset if I didn't have internet access to check my calorie totals
• pre-determining what to eat for the day and then printing it out and ticking it off so there was no deviation
• taking all my food with me all the time in multiple tupperware containers
• not allowing anyone a taste of my food because it is measured perfectly and I needed every bit of it
• scraping every last morsel out of the container or licking it clean
• restricting fruit and vegetables based on their carbohydrate content
• restricting food based on its sodium content
• scheduling activities around eating sessions - couldn't go to an event if it prevented me from eating on time
• eating was the main highlight of my day
• never eating the same food as my partner/friends
• the success of my day was measured by the food I ate - good day = ate according to the diet; bad day = ate something I hadn't planned 
• food/cooking/meals was all I thought about and talked about
• never being full - either eating and still being hungry or bingeing beyond the point of fullness
• taking large amounts of expensive supplements ranging from vitamins to fatburners to creatine
• eating large quantities of 'calorie free' food like green vegetables, miracle noodles, psyllium/bran
• exercising until a precise number of calories had been burned
• exercising when I was sick, sore or instead of sleeping
• wearing my heart rate monitor when I went for a walk longer than 10 minutes
• constant physical muscle pain (DOMS) and joint pain making every day activity difficult
• spending all weekend in my gym clothes and sneakers because I never went out anywhere other than the gym and the supermarket
• chronic constipation and gas
• avoiding social situations where food was present
• constantly scouring the internet for the latest diet and latest training method
• calling myself a 'fat pig' in my head
• having 3 different clothing, bra and underwear sizes that I regularly wore - competing, off season, fat clothes
• weighing myself multiple times a day - when I first got up, after going to the bathroom, when I got home from work, before I went to bed
• throwing food in the bin so that I wouldn't eat it and then taking it out later
• asking my husband to hide food so I couldn't find it
• eating until I was so stuffed I couldn't sleep, I had night sweats and my face, fingers and ankles became severely swollen
• always vowing to start afresh each morning, each Monday, each first day of the month
• going to bed early because the only thing I had to look forward to was a lower number on the scales the following morning and breakfast
• crying because of a number on the scale or not being able to fit into my clothes
• avoiding being with my husband because he would want to eat food I couldn't have in front of me
• not being able to leave the house because I needed to be near the toilet when the laxatives and diuretics kicked in
• using colonics as a weight loss strategy
• looking at pictures of steriod using figure girls on stage and feeling inadequate for not looking like them

I am pleased to say that I haven't done any of the above for most of the last month. I am getting help and support from people who understand where I've ended up and I'm making wonderful progress.

So although I may longer be the person you imagined me to be, that my reputation as an 'inspiration' has been has been based on lies, I am the happiest I have been in my whole life. I am recovering, healing, and evolving into the best that I can be one day at a time.

I would love to connect with anyone who recognises where I have come from and has achieved a transformational shift back to health and vitality. Please leave me a comment and/or a link to your blog so I can overhaul my reading list. I no longer want to know about the best diet, the menu item with the lowest calories or whether cardio is fat burning or not. I want to know that I can leave this mess behind because other people just like me have done it.

If this blog is no longer what you are looking for, then thank you so much for your loyalty over the years. I have felt part of a wonderful community but the time has come for me to focus on being whole and healthy rather than being thin enough to go the gym.

KatieP ♥

PS: I might have to abandon the 100 Day Challenge because it is part of the old diet mentality. I still haven't decided what to do just yet ...
I am also pulling my coaching service because I can no longer endorse dieting as a weight loss solution ...

100 Day Challenge - Day 44 - Hunger Torches the Fat

The old miserable Katie used to hate hunger. It used to be a constant gnawing emptiness that made me cranky and unpleasant to be around. Now hunger is my friend.

I make sure that I eat large, nutritious, physically and psychologically satisfying meals that keep me comfortable and full until the next scheduled meal. And when I start to feel hunger before my next feed I am happy.

Hunger is feedback. It means I have eaten the amount of food my body needs, it has processed it all and used it all up to fuel my activity, internal organs and my brain. It has run out of the good stuff and is asking for more.

Here's the part that I love. I tell my body that more food is coming soon, but in the meantime, there are plenty of fat cells it can consume to access extra energy. I imagine a Pacman game, with little munching mouths gobbling up the blobs of fat. When the hunger subsides (which it always does because hunger comes in waves) I know that I'm still moving and functioning because I'm torching the fat.

I'm coming to get you -- nom nom nom fatty fat tastes good

There is also no reason to fear that getting 'too hungry' will precede a binge. This is my limiting belief and makes no sense under close examination. Naturally lean people get hungry every day and they don't eat until they are sick as a consequence.

The urge to binge is always precipitated by a feeling of pain or deprivation so my correlation between hunger and bingeing is a result of my old feelings that hunger was uncomfortable, continuous and painful so I wanted to soothe that pain with food. Now that I know that being hungry is an opportunity to access my energy storage units (fat) and is only temporary while my body switches fuel sources, I don't find it painful or uncomfortable at all.

Nom nom nom nom nom nom nom gobble up that yummy fat, there's plenty to keep us going ☺

100 Day Challenge - Day 45 - It's Our Special Pirates' Day

Ahoy there me hearties, grab your parrot, peg-leg and grog water bucket -- it's International Talk/Blog Like a Pirate Day today.

Shiver me timbers gang, our deeds are so famous on the seven seas that the whole wide world be giving us Pirate love.

Arr, what can ye do today t' celebrate? Maybe write a list o' all the great thin's you have accomplished on this quest, or be taking a look at ye treasure map and see if ye gettin' close.

Me parrot concurs that today be the day t' live as your authentic self. Weigh anchor and surrender the excess booty! 

If ye be competing today, I hope ye bikini looks like this. Blimey, good luck ye gorgeous lasses. Arrrrrrgh, be bloody proud of being a sexy wench!

Smooth sailin', an' fair winds t' ye!

T' me,
Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho,
It's "Talk Like A Pirate" Day!
That time in September when sea dogs remember
That grown-ups still know how ta play!
When wenches are curvy and dogs are all scurvy
And a soft-wear patch covers your eye,
Ta hell with our jobs, for one day we're all swabs
And buccaneers all till we die!
So hoist up the mainsails and shut down your brain cells,
They only would get in the way,
Avast there, me hearty, we're havin' a party,
It's "Talk Like A Pirate" Day!
Yo Ho!

(c) Tom Smith

100 Day Challenge - Day 46 - Why Calories are not the Whole Story

We all know that eating more calories than you burn results in fat storage and consuming less calories than you burn results in weight loss.

So why is that some people can eat a great deal of calories and not gain weight and others just eat a single donut and put on a kilo overnight? If a donut is the same amount of calories for a slim person and an 'easy gainer' why the difference in result?

The difference must be in the calories burned. Is it just a cruel metabolic joke or is there another explanation? It can't only be metabolism because sometimes I can get away with more calories than I would expect, and at other times, a strict adherence to a calorie restriction program gives me much less fat loss than the sums would suggest. This is the reason why my maintenance level has always been baffling.

The answer to the calorie quandry is indeed metabolic, but not in the way you imagine. Let me explain.

In order to fully utilise the incoming calories for energy, repair and eliminate the waste the body has to use its parasympathetic nervous system [rest and digest].

Parasympathetic fibers slow the heart; stimulate peristalsis; promote the secretion of lacrimal, salivary, and digestive glands; induce bile and insulin release; dilate peripheral and visceral blood vessels; constrict the pupils, esophagus, and bronchioles; and relax sphincters during micturition and defecation.

In the event of stress, guilt, self criticism, conflict, exhaustion, fear and anger, the sympathetic nervous system [fight or flight] takes over and shuts down all the above functions. [The parasympathetic system also controls the sex organs so there is a hint as to why my period stops when I diet].

(The sympathetic nervous system is) the part of the autonomic nervous system that is concerned especially with preparing the body to react to situations of stress or emergency, that contains chiefly adrenergic fibers and tends to depress secretion, decrease the tone and contractility of smooth muscle and increase heart rate.

If we eat when we are under the control of the sympathetic nervous system [stress], none of our food (or our stored fat reserves) is processed properly and ends up in storage (fat) instead.

It explains why I ate a beautiful HUGE post comp meal in a calm, relaxed manner and didn’t even register a blip on the scale, and yet weeks and weeks of calorie restriction with my body under stress doesn’t result in any significant weight loss. It also explains why my weight was the most stable it has ever been the week I purposely did no exercise at all and focused on relaxing.

Intense exercise also stresses the body, but is not a reason to stop if you enjoy it – I think the feelings of enjoyment and pleasure cancels out the stress reaction or at least gets you back to relaxed fairly quickly. But when you exercise while feeling sick, stressed, rushed, guilty, or punishing yourself for your "sins" you enter the sympathetic state (shut down digestive system) which means you won’t be able to burn your stored fat as energy, you’ll just get drained.

On the other hand, simple walking, yoga, stretching, using a fitball for a chair [my latest craze!] can also torch the fat cells if you are calm enough to access your fat when you need extra energy.

So it is not what you eat but HOW you eat that matters. To burn up all the excess fat simply and easily all you have to do is enjoy the food while you are eating AND afterwards (when digestion is taking place), be as relaxed as possible during and after meals and think happy thoughts!

It is possible that calmly eating chocolate cake with love and acceptance will result in more weight loss than eating lean chicken and green beans with gritty determination quickly followed by anxiety while you count down the hours until the next meal.

It is not what your exercise choice is but HOW you exercise that matters. If you enjoy it you will be re-energised as body releases it's stored energy but if you are doing it under sufference because you think you have to you will be depleted and hungry ("can't get to the food I've got inside me -- give me some more")

EASY when you know how. It is entirely possible to love yourself thin ...

Do you agree or am I talking through my very relaxed sphincter?

Read another opinion here.

From Bones to Wings

I just showed Mr Katie the final version of my new blog.

"That's interesting" he remarked "you've gone from bones to wings"

Indeed, dear friends, I have most definitely gone from bones to wings and I didn't even notice.

100 Day Challenge - Day 47 - The Magic Question

Richard turned to me in frustration and said "It really annoys me that the last mail pick up is at 3pm in the afternoon. My morning's are really busy and I don't get to respond to my correspondence until the afternoon but I am never finished by the time the mail is picked up so I am always a day behind. This place is so frustrating!"

So I asked the magic question ..."What would you like instead?"

"That's easy" he said" I'd like the mail to be picked up at 4.30pm."

"Why is that important to you?" I asked

"Because I could get all my work done in the afternoon, sent in the mail that day and my clients would recieve a speedy response from me".

"So go ahead and ask" I said "but instead of saying what you don't want, ask for what you want instead and why."

Richard phoned Alan and instead of saying how annoyed he was about the present situation he said "Hey Alan, I was wondering if we could change the time the courier picks up the mail in the afternoon to a later time. I am finding it difficult to get all my mail ready by 3pm so a 4.30pm final pick up would really help me out."

"No problem" said Alan, "I'll phone the courier service and get that fixed up for you right away".

If Richard had picked up the phone and said "Hey Alan, I am really frustrated about the stupid rule that the last mail pick up is at 3pm, please sort this out" Alan would have felt criticised as well as being responsible for trying to come up with the right solution that would make Richard happy. Alan's response to Richard would have been totally different.

The magic is in asking the Universe/God, yourself and others "what would I like instead? and why?"

I am really cross that I am carrying more weight than I'd like because I've haven't been on plan
I would love to feel at peace with my body, to appreciate it's beauty and eat in a healthy sustainable way so that I can be happy and joyful right here and right now.

It is destructive and self limiting to react badly to a number on the scales and I wish I didn't do it.
I would love to weigh myself without an emotional reaction to the number because it would allow me to be appreciative for my progress and give me feedback on my body's reaction to my choices.

It drives me crazy when you leave your room all messy because you get cranky when you have to spend the weekend cleaning it up.
I would love it if you would pick up your clothes, make your bed and pack away your books in the mornings before you go to school so that you have a relaxing, welcoming space to come home to and you won't have to spend the weekend tidying up a big mess because you will have done a small amount each day.

It is really disappointing that you have made a careless mistake in the estimate and your client is going to be charged more than he expected when he gets the final invoice
I think it would really help you out if you could get someone else to check your estimates before you send them because someone else will be able to see your work with fresh eyes and spot any accidental mistakes. I am happy to do it if you'd like. Then your clients will be amazed at your accuracy and attention to detail when their invoice matches the estimate exactly.


What would YOU like instead? and why is it important to you (or to them)?
Give it a try with you family, friends and co-workers, see what happens and then try it on yourself.

Imagine how wonderful it is going to be when you get what you want ...

100 Day Challenge - Day 48 - In an Instant

It can happen in an instant ...

Love at first sight
One moment in time and your life is transformed forever
Your world changes in a heartbeat and the change is permanent

A tragic accident
One moment in time and your life is transformed forever
Your world changes in a heartbeat and the change is permanent

A single decision to pick up the phone and talk to a stranger
One moment in time and your life is transformed forever
Your world changes in a heartbeat and the change is permanent

It only takes a second for your life to change. It doesn't have to be struggle, hard work, determination or white knuckle willpower. Sometimes change happens in an instant.

And when it does, decide to hold on to the good things for as long as they last, and choose to let the bad things simply fade away. There are no guarantees that anything is forever, but the miracle of transformed thoughts and renewed attitudes can be as permanent as that feeling you still have when you look into your partner's eyes.

100 Day Challenge - Day 49 - Triumphant Tuesday

Tuesdays are bad days, and typically binge days. I have 2 meetings at 11.00am and noon that bore me to tears and make me frustrated and cranky. I don't need to be there except for show.

Tuesdays are also the day I have my weekly meeting with my boss at 4pm. Although we get on quite well most of the time, when it comes to our weekly meetings I feel like a naughty school girl in the principals office. He never compliments me but just points out my shortcomings and makes me feel useless.

Snacking normally commences about 2pm as my crankiness turns into anxiety. My meeting with my boss always runs over so I get home late from work and I am starving for dinner. After another crappy Tuesday at the coal face, I fall face first into food.

Today was different [even though I have a semi-migraine today to add to the mix]

♥ I felt the frustration and anger in the first meeting and sat through it (the emotions and the meeting)
♥ I chose not to stay for the second meeting because I needed to eat more than I needed to sit through the meeting
♥ I scheduled another meeting from 2pm to 3.30pm that was walking the route of a planned event so I was (a) active, (b) with people I liked and (c) not required to concentrate or think too hard
♥ I went to my meeting with the boss and it was the usual crap but I chose to let as much of it as possible just slide off me
♥ On the way to the ferry one of my co-workers who I rarely speak to (because we work in different areas not because I don't like her LOL) congratulated me on my decision to go on extended leave and to take time out for myself. She is one of the very few people who understand why I am doing this. Her support made me feel great.
♥ I had healthy nachos for dinner - rice crackers, sweet chilli sauce, chicken, baked veges and cheese melted on top with sour cream - I had twice the number of crackers (a whopping 50g ☺) and 1/2 the chicken I normally have. Yum!
♥ Then I treated myself to dessert - dates and ice-cream and then I stopped. Dates have been my new trigger food - once a packet (500g) is open, I keep going until they are gone. Do you know how many calories in a 500g packet of dates? ... 1300 big ones!
♥ I made a new friend on the other side of the world and we chatted for an hour

So today was triumphant Tuesday. Let's celebrate this miracle and look forward to many more.

100 Day Challenge - Day 50 - Pirates Council

Happy Pirates Council check in day for Phase 5. We are now half way through this challenge. How are you going?

My check in :
In the past ten days I have made wonderful progress with my thought processes around food. My binges have become shorter and less intense and are primarily just overeating and not gorging until I feel sick.

I am now getting some help with my issues through a miracle of the universe. Through one simple email, I have connected with Dr R. who has a great deal of experience in dealing with disordered eating through prolonged dieting. She is teaching me how to enjoy being fit, lean and healthy and how to confront my issues head on. I cannot begin to tell you how much of relief it is not to have to carry this burden on my own anymore. I am on an intensive program that will transform my life. Stay tuned for insights and ephiphanies!

And remember -- you are beautiful and special just the way you are right now. Give yourself the gift of care and attention because your imperfection is your greatest asset.

And don't forget -- it's 7 days until International Talk Like a Skinny Bones 100 Day Challenge Pirate Day. On September 19 all blog posts must be in pirate speak.

100 Day Challenge - Day 51 - Recap and Prepare for the Pirates Council

Phase Five Recap -- Mutiny

If you missed Phase One you can find it here.
If you missed Phase Two you can find it here.
If you missed Phase Three you can find it here.
If you missed Phase Four you can find it here.

Day 59 - The Struggle
Have you resolved the struggle between the opposing forces inside of you?

Day 58 - Wordless Sunday
What does your week look like in pictures?

Day 57 - Issuing the Right Commands
Does your crew understand what you need when the winds are blowing?

Day 56 -Re-Invent the Past - Mid Point Challenge
Did you go back to something in the past you had forgotten about that gave you pleasure?

Day 55 - I can't get no Satisfaction
Do you prefer big meals or small? Are you connected with your hunger?

Day 54 - Walk the Plank
Have you walked the plank yet?

Day 53 - What Would You do if it Wasn't Impossible?
If you didn't want something that felt impossible, what would you just get on and do?

Day 51 - I Haven't Forgotten
Did you spend all your weekend making a new friggin' blog template with your new computer? I didn't think so!

Day 51 - Prepare for the Fifth Pirates Council
Day 60 marks the completion of Phase Five and the fifth Pirates Council. This post (the one you are reading now) reviews the highlights of this phase. You can catch up now if you have missed anything.

Tomorrow I will post my official Phase Five check in. If you are finishing Phase Five with me, or are close enough then you can add your information by commenting ON TOMORROW'S POST (it will help me if it is all in one place):

Check in information is:

• your milestones - e.g. weight loss, inches/cm lost, days without bingeing, physical improvements
• your victory over the Pirate of Powerlessness
• your intention for the next 10 days
  

Day 50 - See you tomorrow at the Pirate Council for Phase Five and the start of Phase Six - Leaky Boat.

Heave Ho Me Hearties ... We're half way through ♥

100 Day Challenge - Day 52 - And You Thought I'd Forgotten!

Drive by blogging on the run today ☺

1. I bought a new computer today because I was running a screen and keyboard/mouse off a really old laptop and it kept crashing and going super S- L-O-W. I am now the proud owner of some new Dell tower thingo [Inspiron 545s] with Vista that flies like the wind!

2. I don't like my blog template at all any more, I want something funky and arty. I am going to strip back all my widgets and probably rename it.

3. Happy birthday Liz - love you ♥

4. A woman who is self-reliant, positive, optomistic, and undertakes her work with the assurance of success magnetizes her condition. She draws to herself the creative powers of the universe. ~ Norman Vincent Peal

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100 Day Challenge - Day 53 - What Would I Do if it Wasn't Impossible?

Sometimes it seems that my dream to have a strong, lean body without counting calories, monitoring my macros and exercising to exhaustion seems impossible for me. I am working on my beliefs and having faith in the fact that other people have achieved it but it is a bit of a mind f*ck.

The way to get through this is to keep asking "What would I do if it wasn't impossible?" Then I act "as if" if were easy, effortless and natural.

My daily actions include

• letting go of obsessively logging all my food
• letting go of limiting my calorie intake
• eating unprocessed food in amounts that keep me satisfied
• really thinking about what would satisfy me at that particular meal
• appreciating my body as it is right now
• stating my intention each day to reduce the importance of food in my thoughts
• having patience with myself if I eat when I'm not hungry or for comfort
• celebrating every positive decision I make
• expecting that today is the day when my eating will be as unremarkable as the rest of my bodily functions

My thoughts and behaviour are changing slowly each day but that doesn't mean that won't come a time when the momentum starts to build and my progress accelerates. I am practicing and practicing and today could be the day when it finally clicks and I make a giant leap forward.

As long as I know what I want, and why I want it, the 'how' doesn't matter. Think of all the great things you have been given in your life without having to struggle and strive for them, those wonderful gifts that just fall into your lap. There is no reason why this can't be one of those delightful gifts the universe delivers to me. Freedom from dieting hell is on its way and I'm excited ♥

100 Day Challenge - Day 54 - The Plank Was Walked

Yesterday I asked my boss if I could take 6 months off work from 1 Jan 2010. He agreed.

If all goes well and I can build an online income stream, I am hoping not to go back to work at all.

Sometime next year I will be living my perfect day.

What am I going to do in those 6 months?

Write a book. Or an ebook. Write poetry and publish it on the web. Create interesting, lovely or funny videos, put them on You Tube. Be passionate. Write a web app that will solve a problem in people’s lives. Become a watchdog to replace the faltering newspapers. Explore the world, and blog about it. Try something you’ve always been afraid to try, and put it on video. Be yourself, loudly. Start a new company, doing only one thing, but doing it very well. Start a business that does a service you’ve always wanted, or that you are frustrated with in other companies because the service sucks. Put your heart into something. Say something that no one else dares to say. Do something others are afraid to do. Help someone no one else cares to help. Make the lives of others better. Make music that makes others want to weep, to laugh, to create. Inspire others by being inspiring. Teach young people to do amazing things. Write a play, get others to act in it, record it. Empower others to do things they’ve never been able to do before. Read, and read, and then write. Love, and love, and then help others to love. Do something good and ask others to pass it on. Be profound. Find focus in a world without it. Become minimalist in a world of dizzying complexity. Reach out to those who are frustrated, depressed, angry, confused, sad, hurt. Be the voice for those without one. Learn, do, then teach. Meet new people, become fast friends. Dare to be wrong. Take lots and lots of pictures. Explore new cultures. Be different. Paint a huge mural. Create a web comic. Be a dork, but do it boldly. Interview people. Observe people. Create new clothes. Take old stuff and make new stuff from it. Read weird stuff. Study the greats, and emulate them. Be interested in others. Surprise people. Start a blog, write at least a little each day. Cook great food, and share it. Be open-minded. Help someone else start a small business. Focus on less but do it better. Help others achieve their dreams. Put a smile on someone’s face, every day. Start an open-source project. Make a podcast. Start a movement. Be brave. Be honest. Be hilarious. Get really, really good at something. Practice a lot. A lot. Start now. Try.
~Leo - zenhabits~

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100 Day Challenge - Day 55 - I Can't Get No Satisfaction

As a professional dieter, I have spent 5 years ignoring my hunger. I was either constantly starving or eating beyond the point of fullness until I was so stuffed I felt sick.

By tuning into my hunger signals and trying the 'eat when you're hungry and stop when you are full' approach I have slowly realised that I have got the signals all mixed up.

Being hungry does not mean that your stomach is completely empty of food, there are strange grumbling noises and you feel slightly nauseous. That, my friends, is fall on the floor starving. It is not normal HUNGER.

Similarly, if you finish a meal and you say ... "that barely hit the sides, I could eat that all over again" and then stare off into the distance wondering how you are going to get through the next three hours before you get to eat again, then you are not FULL. You are not even close to being full.

Somehow along the way we have programmed our thinking to believe that (a) we need to be starving in between meals when we are in a calorie deficit and (b) having a completely full tummy is to be avoided because it means we've eaten 'too much'. Worryingly, we almost prefer that empty feeling because we are 'putting in the work' and doing what it takes to get lean.

First of all, I need to remind you that most medical sources claim that 2,000 calories is maintenance for an average female. Are you average? How much lean muscle mass do you have? How much do you train every day? How active are you during your daily routine?

Then consider the types of food that you eat. Are you eating foods with high calories and low volume (processed crap) or is your food primarily fruit, vegetables, whole grains/legumes, and lean protein.

I am willing to bet (because I've been experimenting) that if you ate a 500 calorie breakfast of oats, natural protein powder, banana, bran, peanut butter and greek yogurt you would be wonderfully full and contented when you finished it. By the time lunchtime came around you would be just starting to feel like you could maybe fit some more food in. If your lunch was 500 calories of chicken, wholegrain pasta or a potato and vegetables, I am thinking you wouldn't even think about food again until about 4pm. If you then ate a piece of fruit, I suspect you might make it through to dinner quite easily. After a 500 calorie brown rice, vegetable and tofu stirfry dinner, I think you might be so full that you couldn't even fit in dessert and you'd sleep soundly and peacefully that night.

Even without trying you have only eaten 1600 calories and you are never fall on the floor starving at all. If you've worked up at sweat at the gym that day you probably still have a few hundred calories left to play with and still be in a deficit. You could fit in that hot chocolate and a small scoop of real icecream and still lose fat.

If you like thinking about food all day and counting down the hours until your next feed from your 42 tupperware containers in your cooler bag then aiming for 1200-1400 calories in 5-6 small meals might suit you.

But if you want to eat like you did when you were a skinny kid, or the way that the naturally thin girls I know do (because I watch them and ask them) then have 3 decent, filling, delicious meals a day and snack wisely either to tide you over or to have a small treat. If you train like an athlete, and you carry a decent amount of muscle then you can eat much more than you think.

Hunger is not starvation and gluttony is not being full and satisfied. Once you give yourself permission to eat large healthy meals you realise that you can get lean and stay lean without ever wanting to chew off your arm. AND you feel fantastic and full of energy.

• So what do you prefer? small meals or large?
• How long has it been since you've been completely full and satisfied from healthy food (not a binge/overeating episode)?
• Do you think that you have to 'pay the price' of continuous hunger to be lean?
  

100 Day Challenge - Day 56 - Mid Point Challenge - Re-invent the Past

Over a year ago I had a raging imaginary affair with GB. We grew tired of each other and we broke up. I haven't seen him for a long time.

Last night I went to see him on the spur of the moment. I wanted the comfort of a dark room, loud music that drowned out my thoughts and the feeling of sweat running between my breasts.

Somehow every word he spoke was kind of sexy ...

Come on ... keep going
We started together ... let's finish together
Give it a squeeze ...
Give me just a little bit more ...
*heavy breathing*

In the silence and darkness of track six tears ran down my face, cleansing me and washing away the crazy guilt and shame of not living up to my own ridiculously high standards.

At the end of it I was emotionally spent and could barely walk.

And as a bonus I burned 865 calories -- I think I'm going to see GB again soon.

• Pirates : Your Mid Point Challenge is to do something that you used to enjoy but you haven't done for ages.

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100 Day Challenge - Day 57 - Issuing the Right Commands

As Kaptain Katie of the good ship "Awesome" I am in charge of deciding what to do and I issue commands to my crew in order to get it done.

Unfortunately, what most pirate captains don't realize is their workers find it difficult to hear orders because of all the noise - the sails beating in the wind, the crashing of waves and the shouting of their fellow pirates. What the pirate crew end up hearing is only the last half of the instruction.

So when I give instruction to my loyal, hardworking and competent crew, I make sure that they can understand my request even if they only hear half of the command.

The wrong way

I say: I don't want to binge ...
They hear : ... want to binge
Result = bingeing

I say : I don't want to be lazy
They hear : ... want to be lazy
Result = nil exercise

I say : I am not going to be hungry today
They hear : ... be hungry today
Result = hungry hippo all day long

The right way

I say : I always treat my body with respect
They hear : ... treat ... body with respect
Result = NO bingeing

I say : I am more balanced and centered when I exercise
They hear : ... balanced ... centered ... exercise
Result = love to workout

I say : I am completely satisfied by small amounts of nourishing food
They hear : ... satisfied ... small amounts ... nourishing ...
Result = NO hunger

• What commands are you giving your crew?
• Are you cranky with them because they always get it wrong?
• Maybe its your fault and not theirs after all?
  

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100 Day Challenge - Day 58 - Wordless Sunday

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100 Day Challenge - Day 59 - The Struggle

When two equally matched forces pull against each other it is an exhausting ongoing struggle. To the unobservant eye, it looks like nothing or very little is happening. There is no significant movement in either direction. And yet a great deal of energy is being used to merely stay static.

On one side, there is the part of me that loves to be lean, strong and healthy. The gift it wants to give me is self confidence, resilience, pride and wellness. I imagine this part of me as a star resting in my right hand.

The symbol is hard and metallic. It has sharp pointy edges and it is cold. This side wins for long periods of time.

On the other side, there is the part of me that loves to break all the rules -- to eat large quantities of rich sugary fat laden food and lie around sleeping and watching TV.

The gift it wants to give me is peace, contentment, relaxation and a healthy dose of rebellion and individuality. I imagine this part of me as a peace symbol resting in my left hand.

The symbol is smooth and round. It has comforting curves and it is warm. This side lays in wait (weight!) for the star side to get tired, or distracted and then it takes over.

The star understands what the peace symbol is trying to achieve and the peace symbol appreciates the honourable intentions of the star. In the absence of rules and expectations, in spite of logic and considered thought, the two parts of me can finally commune.

My two hands come together, the palms meet and join into one.

When I open my hands I see a beautiful new image.

It has the qualities of the gold star with it's colour and sharp edges, but it also has characteristic of the peace symbol with warm, smooth, sweeping curves and the form of a dove.

Instead of being at war, instead of pulling in two different direction, I hold the dove of peace in my hands. I place it in my heart and the symbol multiplies and floods every cell of my body.

Now the two opposing forces are working together to bring me the gifts of self confidence, peace, resilience, contentment, pride, relaxation, individuality and total wellness to my life.

The fight to get lean and stay lean is finally over. I have inner agreement and inner alignment. I am lean, fit, strong and healthy AND relaxed, contented and slightly rebellious easily and effortlessly.

The tug of war rope has finally been dropped on the floor and discarded in the corner. I might use it later for a skipping rope!

Update: Guided meditation experience courtesy of Renee Stephens' Sabotage Self Sabotage (I have no financial affiliation with this product).

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100 Day Challenge - Day 60 - The Pirates Council

All of the time it takes me to keep this Challenge on track is doing my head in, and not even required. As usual, I am overdoing things and making them too complicated.

So - the Pirates Council for today is whatever you want it to be. It is Day 60 and for me that is an important milestone, the end of Phase Four and the beginning of Phase Five so I'll post my 'Proud as a Pirate with a Parrot' list.

In a minute ...

First of all an update on what has been going on.

I have been working through the Inside Out Weight Loss program which is based on the (in my opinion TRUE) premise that behaviours come from thoughts so to make lasting change we have to address the accumulated mess in our brains.

Imagine for a moment a room filled with books and documents and magazines strewn all over the floor. No one inch of floor or furniture is visible because of all the paper spread all around the room. That is where I started.

Then imagine a room with all the books on the shelves, the papers filed in neat piles and the magazines stacked in tidy bundles. Suddenly the room looks cleaner, bigger and more welcoming. Nothing has been thrown out or destroyed, it has just been moved to its rightful home.

In order to tidy up such a messy place, things get worse before they get better. If you were to walk in, especially at the start of the process, it would look like a bomb had gone off.

In the past days a bomb has gone off and my head got messier and messier and it felt like my eating behaviours were getting worse instead of better.

But if I gave up half way through the process, then I would never see any results of the work I had put it. So I kept on going.

I am still a long way away from having found the rightful home for all of my thoughts, beliefs, inner dialogue and sense of identity and there are things I have uncovered that I haven't seen for years, but the chaos is worth it. Slowly things are getting better, and as they do, I can sense real change taking place.

Now I feel a growing sense of control, I will use the rest of this challenge to journal my own personal transformation. After all, I can't help anyone else unless I help myself first.

Proud as a Pirate with a Parrot

• No desire to drink Diet Coke
• Turned down the offer of takeaway for dinner because I didn't feel like it
• Practiced EFT on my cravings
• Never gave up
• Accepted and appreciated my body as it is right now
• Wrote out my affirmations and success journal most days
• Totally abstained from guilt exercise and severe restriction after over-eating
• Forgave myself
• Faced the tough stuff
• Had more good days than bad days
• Did yoga because I love it, not to burn calories
• Went for a walk because I love it, not to burn calories
• Rested
• Took some down time watching TV
• The difference between the highs and lows was less

Writing it down makes me realise that more has been happening than I thought. I am so convinced that this is going to work. If I can change my beliefs about Diet Coke and not even miss it after a lifetime of addiction, then I can change my beliefs that crappy drugged food is the solution to the emotional turbulence of every day living.

The future has unlimited potential, and I get to create it right here and now. I can only dream of what a day free of stressing about food and my weight might be like, but I know that that day is coming very soon.

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